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anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 07:55 PM

I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for 3 years on October 25th. We were in a long distance relationship until August of this year. (2012) That's when we moved in together. He used to go absolutely crazy for sex. When we first moved in he wanted sex like everyday, but now I have to beg and plead for sex and he won't have sex with me. It's been almost a month since the last time we've had sex.

We just moved to a new city, so he doesn't know very many people. He generally stays home with me and watches sports with his brother, or plays computer games (LOL, Warcraft) Whenever I ask him why he won't have sex with me, he seems to get angry with me, or changes the subject quickly. He always claims that he is 'too tired' or 'stressed out.' I'm more stressed than him, and usually get much less sleep, so I don't see how I can make the sacrifice but he won't. Another thing, he always wants me to give him head. He asks me for it all the time. If I won't do that, he will masturbate then go to bed. I have tried sexy outfits, talking dirty, etc. Yesterday I was on top of him trying to turn him on and it appeared to be working until he pushed me off him and asked for head once again.

I have tried giving him what he wants to see if it makes him happy enough to go for sex and I have also tried telling him that I won't do anything for him until he does something for me. I'm so lost about what to do. This isn't normal. He also swears that he's still attracted to me. He will cuddle with me and hold hands with me and everything. This is causing stress on our relationship as my frustration is growing.

How can I get his sex drive back? What can I do? Why won't he have sex with me anymore?

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:00 PM

You are 17 and he is 18. Do you live with his family?

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:02 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

You are 17 and he is 18. Do you live with his family?

No. He went off to college this year and invited me to come with him. His older brother lives with us as well and he is 22 this month, but that is everyone living in this household.

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:04 PM

Is he worried that you will get pregnant, or that it is against the law to have sex with a minor?

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:08 PM

Well, we've had sex plenty of times before, and we always practice safe sex, so I don't think either of those are the case.

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by anonsj

Well, we've had sex plenty of times before, and we always practice safe sex, so I don't think either of those are the case.

Were you ever actually together before August?

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:12 PM

We would get together a few times a year, usually a week at a time, sometimes only weekends. He usually spent every holiday at my house. We spent most of our time together in the summer

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by anonsj

We would get together a few times a year, usually a week at a time, sometimes only weekends. He usually spent every holiday at my house. We spent most of our time together in the summer

Maybe you are pushing him too much. Try backing off for a while.

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:18 PM

Well the thing is that I didn't bug him about it at all for about 3 weeks, and then I started talking about it with him. Saturday night he tried a compromise and told me if I gave him oral sex that night, the next night we would have intercourse and when I brought it up to him the next night, he just brushed it off. He wouldn't tell me why though, and I know he wasn't tired because he couldn't fall asleep and was unable to sleep until about 4am.

Also, when I bring it up, I don't try to push him too hard in one night. I generally give it a small push 3 days a week.

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:23 PM

Are you also in college? Do you think any of this has to do with school stress?

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:27 PM

I'm in my senior year of high school. He seems to have pretty laid back courses. He's in the hospitality and tourism program, currently on his servers semester and he hasn't seemed to have had very much homework. A few tests, but nothing very major. So, I'm not very sure. One of his reasonings was that his face broke out, so he was mad.. :/

teacherjenn4 · Oct 1, 2012, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by anonsj

I'm in my senior year of high school. He seems to have pretty laid back courses. He's in the hospitality and tourism program, currently on his servers semester and he hasn't seemed to have had very much homework. A few tests, but nothing very major. So, I'm not very sure. One of his reasonings was that his face broke out, so he was mad.. :/

My opinion is that this is more relationship than he can handle. You are two teens in an adult relationship. You had a long distance relationship and now it's full-time. Sounds like you two needed to date first before moving in together.

anonsj · Oct 1, 2012, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

My opinion is that this is more relationship than he can handle. You are two teens in an adult relationship. You had a long distance relationship and now it's full-time. Sounds like you two needed to date first before moving in together.

Well thank you for your input. Maybe that is the case. I'm not sure. He has appeared to cope with it all pretty well, and often even better than I have, but I will try talking to him. Thank you.

talaniman · Oct 1, 2012, 10:29 PM

TJ makes some good points in that to have a healthy relationship, you have to do other things beside just have sex because as important as that is, there are other areas that are just as important as making love. Communications is what makes the strong bonds that keep people together and gets you through those tough times after the lust has worn off.

No doubt you both have changed and grown since you first got together, and this is a challenge to that growth and you both have to be able to make love to your minds when your bodies are a bit out of sync. I bet he has more stress on his mind than he has admitted to you, and of course you don't see it.

I think you may be too distracted by your own feelings that you may be missing the signs that he does have other things on his mind. I advise you to pay attention to other areas of the relationship, and make some adjustments.

anonsj · Oct 2, 2012, 06:19 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

TJ makes some good points in that to have a healthy relationship, you have to do other things beside just have sex because as important as that is, there are other areas that are just as important as making love. Communications is what makes the strong bonds that keep people together and gets you thru those tough times after the lust has worn off.

No doubt you both have changed and grown since you first got together, and this is a challenge to that growth and you both have to be able to make love to your minds when your bodies are a bit out of sync. I bet he has more stress on his mind than he has admitted to you, and of course you don't see it.

I think you may be too distracted by your own feelings that you may be missing the signs that he does have other things on his mind. I advise you to pay attention to other areas of the relationship, and make some adjustments.

Thank you. Everything else in our relationship is great. But I will keep an eye out for any other signs

ItsNotImportant · Oct 2, 2012, 08:28 AM

Originally Posted by anonsj

Well the thing is that I didn't bug him about it at all for about 3 weeks, and then I started talking about it with him. Saturday night he tried a compromise and told me if I gave him oral sex that night, the next night we would have intercourse and when I brought it up to him the next night, he just brushed it off. He wouldn't tell me why though, and I know he wasn't tired because he couldn't fall asleep and was unable to sleep until about 4am.

Also, when I bring it up, I don't try to push him too hard in one night. I generally give it a small push 3 days a week.

Was he playing Warcraft until 4am? Do not let him use you like that, sex is a shared experienced and what you said above clearly shows he has no respect for you.

anonsj · Oct 2, 2012, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by ItsNotImportant

Was he playing Warcraft until 4am? Do not let him use you like that, sex is a shared experienced and what you said above clearly shows he has no respect for you.

I know he was on the computer, but I don't know what he was doing because I went to sleep. I just know he was up until four because I woke up when he was getting into bed.

ItsNotImportant · Oct 2, 2012, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by anonsj

I know he was on the computer, but I dont know what he was doing because I went to sleep. I just know he was up until four because I woke up when he was getting into bed.

When I was younger, I played the game, and it is VERY addicting. It's an addiction which may have consumed his time in the evening. I think the problem you may be having is with this game. I wouldn't approach him right away about it, people who are addicted won't admit that they are addicted and will instead just lash out on you. I would keep an eye out for that. See if he is spending far too much time on the computer. How often is he on late at night? Does his brother play too?

anonsj · Oct 2, 2012, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by ItsNotImportant

When I was younger, I played the game, and it is VERY addicting. It's an addiction which may have consumed his time in the evening. I think the problem you may be having is with this game. I wouldn't approach him right away about it, people who are addicted wont admit that they are addicted and will instead just lash out on you. I would keep an eye out for that. See if he is spending far too much time on the computer. How often is he on late at night? Does his brother play too?

He plays a lot more league of legends to be honest. Since we have moved in, he seems to be playing it a bit less now. I actually talked to him about it a bit, and he did seem in denial about playing it too much. His brother doesn't play any of those games. I actually play a game of league maybe once in a one or two week period. But that's it. He was up late again last night, but I really have no idea what he was doing.