[Confused4481]

Your absolutely right. He even said about a year ago that he'd love to get a two family house for us and his mom. Thank you do much for your insight. I don't know you guys but I appreciate your words so much! Thank you Randy I just wish things would've been different because if we would've had a normal life together I would've done whatever to help him w his mom and grandmother. But he never ever saw it like that he always said how I was pressuring him to sleep over how I was selfish trying to take him away from his family :( makes me so upset. He should've slept over because he wanted to because he didn't want to be wo me. I should've seen all the red flags before but I was blinded by love and by hope that he would realize that what he felt was true. He would always say how his mom pushed his buttons and how she always made him feel guilty. I thought he would realize open his eyes and change but he didn't he can't he doesn't want to.

[Randy2138]

At the end of the day, I would try to speak with him one last time only because three years is so hard to throw away.

[Randy2138]

Well, how did you guys leave off? Explain what happened when you last spoke?

[Confused4481]

It's only been a week but it feels like eternity. We had been fighting pretty much every other wkend because I resented the fact that I worked on things he wanted me to work on and I asked of him was to put me up there on his priority list and to sleep over and he half assed did the first one and he never slept per except for wkends.

We got into a fight because he was telling me how he spoke to his brother (his brother was/is a jerk to him) and I said good now you should stand up to your sister ( it was wrong of me) he got pissed. So I drove home. He called me and I went off on him "it's always about you and your effing family" and he got even more infuriated w me. I guess it Was a build up because he never wants to talk about things he just pushes then under the rug and I want to talk about them to learn from them so thu won't repeat themselves.

So he comes over so we can talk. And I said all I asked of you was to prioritize me and to sleep over why are those things hard to do? You say you love me so why is it so hard to do? And even my father is wondering what's going on w us. He said "your father should know I've treated you like a princess and I have put a $2000 down payment on a ring and I plan on proposing to you by the end of the year" I said okay that's great but my father doesn't know that- and what would a beautiful ring on my finger that I very much would love from you what would it do? I would just wonder why doesn't my fiancé sleep over? That issue would be reoccurring he said yes I see this as a reoccurring issue and I said because you don't want to do anything about it I'm not asking you to move in I'm asking for you to sleep over I've been asking you to sleep over during the work week for two years now and you haven't even tried -

He said I have a ring and when we're engaged I will move in- I said that makes no sense you can't sleep over one to two nights a week so in 3-6 months your going to move in yet you can't sleep over one to two nights a week? You don't even try! I used to sleep over his house and do things w his family all the time but it got me nowhere and I did then because I enjoyed doing so. He said well I can't promise you that I can't no nope I have to be home to take care of my mon and grandmother but when we're engaged I'll move in.

And I said it again but that doesn't make sense at all. How can you not sleep over one to two nights a week because you have to take care of them yet your telling me your going to move in in a few months! He said well like I said I can't promise you sleeping over I must stay home and take care of my mother and grandmother, your selfish because your asking me to chose between you or my mother and my 85 year old grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

I said I'm not selfish I want to have a life w you and I thought we could live together and together we would help your mom and grandmother and you can go see them everyday after work and return to me so we can have our lives together as again he said I have a ring I'm going to propose I said it was never about a ring it was about forming a life together it was about you spending time w me here in my apt us together- he said well I can't promise you that nope I must stay home and help my mother and grandmother so I said then you know what this is over. There I nothing more to say or do this is over. And he rushed out of my apt.

It was very devastating.

[Randy2138]

Wow... I am very sorry for you. He still cannot answer what sense it makes to not sleep over now, but move in in 3-6 months. His mother and grandmother will still be there. I'll bet that if you guys get engaged, he will have another story as to why he cannot move in yet, but promise to go house shopping with you for when you are married. I will even put money on his mother feeding him negative thoughts about you and the relationship, as well as what his future with you would look like.

[Randy2138]

I would wait for him to make the first contact. It is inevitable that he will... things do not just end like that.

[Confused4481]

Yeah I can def. see him coming up w a different story once we would've been engaged or him wanting to leave my apt and live with them. I can def see that. It's just tragic it hurts my heart. To know that we could've had a beautiful life together full of love.

[JudyKayTee]

At the end of the day, I would try to speak with him one last time only because three years is so hard to throw away.

With all due respect, Randy, this is not a dating site. I'd suggest that you try match.com.

Did you read how AMHD operates when you signed up?

[smoothy]

Want to bet Randy is a registered offender someplace, I'm getting creepy vibes here...

[JudyKayTee]

Want to bet Randy is a registered offender someplace, I'm getting creepy vibes here....

Your creepy vibes don't count - I got spidey senses tingling a very long time ago.

Yes, Randy is definitely lonely. Apparently he seeks out women with problems so that he looks good. From experience - without personal problems no woman would turn around.

So - Smoothy - why don't we continue this by email? What color underwear are you wearing?

[Enigma1999]

Oh, I sent an email to your aol.

Seriously! Are you trying to "hook up" on this site?

I guess I've been doing it wrong this whole time!

[Alty]

Seriously!? Are you trying to "hook up" on this site?

I guess I've been doing it wrong this whole time!

Now you know that's not true. I've asked you to hook up multiple times. ;)

[Enigma1999]

Now you know that's not true. I've asked you to hook up multiple times. ;)

That's right, baby! ;)

[Alty]

That's right, baby! ;)

LOL! That's what I love about you. You're warped like me. :)

[smoothy]

Your creepy vibes don't count - I got spidey senses tingling a very long time ago.

Yes, Randy is definitely lonely. Apparently he seeks out women with problems so that he looks good. From experience - without personal problems no woman would turn around.

So - Smoothy - why don't we continue this by email? What color underwear are you wearing?

Wouldn't you like to know... they aren't white as a hint.

[Alty]

Wouldn't you like to know.....they aren't white as a hint.

We really need or WT back. Just saying. :)

[Confused4481]

Oh wow really I'm such an then I didn't think anything of it :( wow I have to stop being stupid w red flags all over the place

[Alty]

Oh wow really I'm such an then I didn't think anything of it :( wow I have to stop being stupid w red flags all over the place

You're not stupid. Not at all.

Here are the facts. No one on the internet knows your boyfriend like you do. You wrote this thread because you have doubts. Other people wrote about those doubts because they've had similar experiences, or they think they know about this situation. Fact is, their experiences or opinions amount to nothing, because they don't know you, or your boyfriend.

If you want a relationship you have to talk to the person you want a relationship with. Talk to the person that this concerns. Don't talk to people that don't know you or him. If you can't talk to him about this, and reach an agreement, then no, you don't belong together, because your relationship will fail without communication.

This is on him, and on you. Don't end it because of a few posts by people that don't know you, and based their advice on a few sentences you wrote. You've been in this relationship for 2 years. You know more than we could ever know about all this. So, how are you feeling? Did you write this post because deep down you know it's not salvageable? Did you write this post because you wanted some to tell you it's okay to leave him? What's your reasoning, and why aren't you talking to the one person that can help you, the guy you say you love?

[Confused4481]

I spoke to him, I cried, I pleaded, yet he told me that he would not and could not sleep over because He needed to stay home to take are of his mom and grandmother. I have been askig him for two years to prioritize me and to sleep over yet he would tell me I was pressuring him and that I was selfish for asking these things of him and that he couldn't because he needed to be home with his mom and grandma. I reached the end of my rope and I broke up w him because I just couldn't take it anymore. Every two- three months we would fight because I wanted more from him (to sleep over) because he would be home sleeping alone and I would be home sleeping alone when I knew he should be in bed w me... It hurt my feelings. He said he has a ring and he would propose but all I saw was me happy short term w a ring on my finger and then this same argument would surface and he would do nothing about it. I just had enough of the same bull argument. He should be here w me because he wants to not because I have to demand to do so :(

[Alty]

I spoke to him, I cried, I pleaded, yet he told me that he would not and could not sleep over because He needed to stay home to take are of his mom and grandmother. I have been askig him for two years to prioritize me and to sleep over yet he would tell me I was pressuring him and that I was selfish for asking these things of him and that he couldn't because he needed to be home with his mom and grandma. I reached the end of my rope and I broke up w him because I just couldn't take it anymore. Every two- three months we would fight because I wanted more from him (to sleep over) because he would be home sleeping alone and I would be home sleeping alone when I knew he should be in bed w me... It hurt my feelings. He said he has a ring and he would propose but all I saw was me happy short term w a ring on my finger and then this same argument would surface and he would do nothing about it. I just had enough of the same bull argument. He should be here w me because he wants to not because I have to demand to do so :(

Is his mom sick? Is his grandma?

Why is it so important for him to sleep with you when he doesn't live with you?

He should be here w me because he wants to not because I have to demand to do so

But that's just it. You've been demanding this for 2 years. You never gave him the option to want to do it. It sounds like you've always demanded it. He just doesn't take commands easy. I can understand that. I'm the same way. Command me to do something, and it's unlikely that I will.