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MixedSignals · Sep 12, 2012, 11:27 PM

The guy says he loves me and I'm his great love. He has been sweet and constantly calling me for the first 3 months but I rarely heard from him the next 2 months. His excuse is he's too busy and he's venturing into several businesses for the "future". But whenever he calls, he says he loves me and misses me. But after that, he'll disappear again for days. He knows that it hurts me if he doesn't call but still, he doesn't. He tells me to stay "cool" instead. Does he really mean it when he says he loves me?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 13, 2012, 12:15 AM

Depends on where he is and what he is doing. Do you not call him ?

But I would say if he is around town and not calling you every day, his love is not all that.

MixedSignals · Sep 13, 2012, 08:19 AM

Thanks Chuck. I appreciate your answer. He's in town most weeks. I try to call him at times but he would say he's busy or in a meeting and would find time to call but doesn't. We met twice last month and the last one was cut short by a call for an urgent business meeting. One thing is clear, I'm not his priority and so are my feelings. But why would he keep on saying he loves me? It just confuses me.

NeedKarma · Sep 13, 2012, 08:20 AM

Is he married?

Wondergirl · Sep 13, 2012, 08:23 AM

Have you two been out and about together in public? I also smell "marriage" or another relationship.

talaniman · Sep 13, 2012, 07:25 PM

His sweet words don't come close to matching his indifferent actions do they?

MixedSignals · Sep 14, 2012, 01:47 AM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Is he married?

Yes.:-(

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you two been out and about together in public? I also smell "marriage" or another relationship.

No and yes.:-(

No. Should I believe him or drop him?

Wondergirl · Sep 14, 2012, 05:20 AM

Do you want to be the center of someone's life or a "whenever" dessert?

MixedSignals · Sep 14, 2012, 09:06 AM

Center, which I hope to happen in the future as he'd say. But it may be an empty promise. Or it really is empty. He's not here for me now, why would he be in the future?

talaniman · Sep 14, 2012, 11:27 AM

Why would you believe the words of a lying cheater, and give him your heart??

MixedSignals · Sep 14, 2012, 08:16 PM

You're right. Thank you for all your replies and the eye-opener.

MixedSignals · Sep 28, 2012, 04:17 AM

If the guy does the Fade and does not call in 3 weeks without any reason at all, is it wise to send him a hate mail just to let him know how I feel or better to leave in silence?

LadySam · Sep 28, 2012, 04:35 AM

Leave it alone and say "good riddance"
Of course you want him to know just what jerk you think he is, but the odds that he would care are slim.
So don't waste the time and energy, just move on.

joypulv · Sep 28, 2012, 04:38 AM

Why those 2 options only? You could tell him you enjoyed your time together, and miss him. But since the odds of that resulting in contact are low, meanwhile you vent your hurt and anger to friends. That's one reason we have friends, right?

Remember - anger is almost always preceded by hurt, however brief. Anger is easier than hurt, and it serves a protective function. It's good to be angry, but don't ignore or deny the hurt, so that you can understand what you felt and are probably still feeling. If you want, tell us the story.

As for a hate email, it's a waste of your time and energy. If someone doesn't care, it will have zero effect. There's always that 1 in a million chance that he is in a coma or in jail or was abducted by aliens or he went on a survival trip with no wireless possible or...

MixedSignals · Sep 28, 2012, 04:43 AM

Originally Posted by LadySam

Leave it alone and say "good riddance"
Of course you want him to know just what jerk you think he is, but the odds that he would care are slim.
So don't waste the time and energy, just move on.

Thank you for the reply. Wish I could move on at once and forget about him.

Originally Posted by joypulv

Why those 2 options only? You could tell him you enjoyed your time together, and miss him. But since the odds of that resulting in contact are low, meanwhile you vent your hurt and anger to friends. That's one reason we have friends, right?

Remember - anger is almost always preceded by hurt, however brief. Anger is easier than hurt, and it serves a protective function. It's good to be angry, but don't ignore or deny the hurt, so that you can understand what you felt and are probably still feeling. If you want, tell us the story.

As for a hate email, it's a waste of your time and energy. If someone doesn't care, it will have zero effect. There's always that 1 in a million chance that he is in a coma or in jail or was abducted by aliens or he went on a survival trip with no wireless possible or....

Thanks for the reply. Actually, it's not really a hate mail. It's just to let him know it's not fair to leave me hanging and that he should have at least cared for my peace of mind. The last time I checked he said his feelings are the same and then pfft. I know he's alive though.

joypulv · Sep 28, 2012, 05:04 AM

I deliberately left out 'deceased' as one of the reasons for his silence. I was trying to put a little humor in all this with aliens and so on, sorry. I know it's not fair, and what you want to tell him sounds pretty good to me.. why not. Even if it does no good, and some little hot number had wandered across his path the day he dropped out of sight.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2012, 05:30 AM

Your other thread, was merged with this one. I think you give yourself more time to get through this, as disappearing for long periods has been his MO for a while now.

I bet since you allowed it before,he figures you will again. Don't, just keep moving on and deal with this as a permanent break up, and never allow him back. Waste no more time and efforts on him in any way. It will get better.

joypulv · Sep 28, 2012, 06:26 AM

NOW I find out he is married?? I wish I could delete all the effort I put into answering your post that made no reference to that at all.

MixedSignals · Sep 28, 2012, 09:18 AM

Thanks again for the advice. I'm
Really trying to move on. Perhaps it's the dissatisfaction that I still haven't showed him my "anger" that still keeps me in. I'm still losing sleep for being duped and dumped. I just hope I'll get my peace of mind in time.

It's OK, my apologies for the missed out details. But your advice is still well taken though, I'll keep that in mind if I'm in a normal relationship in the future. Thanks again. And hey, I got the joke too, no need to say sorry.:-)