[cacman]

You talk to her family - about what?

I'm just trying to make you understand that at least I am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. Is that not good enough for a plus?

[JudyKayTee]

i m just trying to make you understand that at least i am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. is that not good enough for a plus?

That's a difference between us - I want to be the ONLY lover, not the "main" lover. I also would deeply resent my "lover" contacting my family for any reason. If you are partners, yes. For any other reason, no.

You are starting to sound very desperate.

[cacman]

You talk to her family - about what?

I'm just trying to make you understand that at least I am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. Is that not good enough for a plus?

[cacman]

I understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. She said all she needs is a fault from him. She initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. I just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

[JudyKayTee]

i m just trying to make you understand that at least i am more of her main lover and she proudly talks about me to the people that matter to her. is that not good enough for a plus?

I would care less about how she talks and more about how she acts.

So she tells people who matter to her that you are her "main lover"?

Love/relationships are not "games" of pluses and minuses. She's either in love with you and with you... or she's not.

[cacman]

I would care less about how she talks and more about how she acts.

So she tells people who matter to her that you are her "main lover"?

Love/relationships are not "games" of pluses and minuses. She's either in love with you and with you ... or she's not.

No that's not what I meant. She tells people just about me. The only people that know about the first guy are herself and I. the first guy does not even know about me but she told me about him before confessing her love to me and how she is ready and willing to be with me but needs time to gradually ditch the boy sincedoing it outrightly will hurt him so bad but however promised me that before the end of the year when the boy will be done with his exams, she will finally break up with him. She is already telling me she wants me to go with her during her cousin's wedding. Don't you think I should at least trust her a little longer?

[Enigma1999]

i understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. she said all she needs is a fault from him. she initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. i just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

Do you really think so low of yourself to put up with this nonsense? Because that's what this is... nonsense.

Based on your story, she sounds like a liar, a player, and a manipulator. Not only to you, but to her boyfriend.

See, this is where I always get confused... when people, such as yourself, come on here and ask if they should stick it out to see if the other person will end their current relationship... I always ask, "if this person is doing this to their significant other, what makes you think they won't do this to you?" So I ask you the same question.

You have only known her for a short period, so how do you know her stories "checks out"?

[Enigma1999]

dont you think i should at least trust her a little longer?

NO! Here is why... because if she really wanted to be with you, then she would put on her big girl pants and tell her boyfriend that she is no longer interested in him.

[cacman]

NO! Here is why....because if she really wanted to be with you, then she would put on her big girl pants and tell her boyfriend that she is no longer interested in him.

Actually whenever we talk about this other guy, we quarrel and it hurts us both so she begged me to try and forget about him ans pretend he does not exist while she gradually bring what they had to an end. Considering the agreement we have over the issue, what do you suggest I do now.

[Enigma1999]

what do you suggest i do now.

Honestly... I would end it with her. You are not her top priority.

She seems very selfish and what she is doing is wrong (to both you and her boyfriend) and deep down I think you know that or else you would not have come on here asking for advice.

However, the choice is yours.

[LadySam]

i understand its just she needs rime to ditch the other guy. she said all she needs is a fault from him. she initially told me that her relationship with the guy would lead nowhere as she cannot marry him. i just believe and trust her cause everything she has ever told me checks out.

Here is my take on this statement, why does she have to wait for a fault?
Everyone has faults, so pick one already, if it makes her feel justified in dumping him.
Bottom line, if she wanted to dump him she would have already done so.
You are being played.
"Main Squeeze" is an old term from my dating days.
Simply put, the refusal to commit to one person or the other, because they were having too much fun with more than one person, making the unhappy party the "main squeeze" made them feel just special enough to hang around

[JudyKayTee]

Honestly...I would end it with her. You are not her top priority.

She seems very selfish and what she is doing is wrong (to both you and her boyfriend) and deep down I think you know that or else you would come on here asking for advice.

However, the choice is yours.

You came here for advice. The advice has 100% been that she is playing you. You don't want to hear it and respond with "but ..."

I am also surprised that you have such a low opinion of yourself, so little self confidence, that you are putting up with any of this nonsense.

I truly don't know why you posted the question when you clearly don't want an answer. If you only want to hear someone agree with you, go back to talking with her family.

[cacman]

I ve heard you all, thanks so much. As it is now, she is not close. She travelled home to dpend her holidays with her family and she will be back early next month. I'm considering waiting for her to come back so I can for the last time ask her to make her choice not on the phone but face to face. She said she will be stoping at my place first, spend 1 week with me before going inside her school since they are hardly allowed to come outside the school gate during the school session. She however said I have to allow her visit a friend of hers whose place is not so far from the other guys place to enable her see him for the last time so I was considering asking her to use that opportunity to end things with him if she truly wants to be with me and if she does not, I will at least be sure she does not know what she wants, then I will have no choice but to move on. Folks I can't deny the fact that I really love this girl and that it took me time to love again after I and my first true love parted ways. Permit my being sentimental in my jugdement. So what do you guys think of my plan? Does anyone have a better idea of how to handle this?

[JudyKayTee]

i ve heard you all, thanks so much. as it is now, she is not close. she travelled home to dpend her holidays with her family and she will be back early next month. i m considering waiting for her to come back so i can for the last time ask her to make her choice not on the phone but face to face. she said she will be stoping at my place first, spend 1 week with me before going inside her school since they are hardly allowed to come outside the school gate during the school session. she however said i have to allow her visit a friend of hers whose place is not so far from the other guys place to enable her see him for the last time so i was considering asking her to use that opportunity to end things with him if she truely wants to be with me and if she does not, i will at least be sure she does not know what she wants, then i will have no choice but to move on. folks i can't deny the fact that i really love this girl and that it took me time to love again after i and my first true love parted ways. permit my being sentimental in my jugdement. so what do you guys think of my plan? does anyone have a better idea of how to handle this?

I'd walk away, but if you want to be played as part of some competition, nothing is stopping you.