[jamievaughn12]

My husband and I have been married for 1.5 years. We each have 3 children and the other parents are not very involved. We have been stressed about money and parenting. I stay at home with the children since daycare is so expensive (they are all under 12). Last night my husband stated he had never been so stressed in his life. I asked if he would have married me still knowing what he knows now. He stated "probably not". I became very upset. He does not understand why. I don't want to feel like a burden nor do I want my children to. What should I do?

[Wondergirl]

It's time to find a marriage counselor who can also advise you on how to better budget and allocate your family money and other resources. Would he be willing to do that?

[joypulv]

I like his honesty. Would you have married him knowing what you know now?

Why aren't the other two parents involved? Or how much are they?

[jamievaughn12]

I like his honesty. Would you have married him knowing what you know now?

Why aren't the other two parents involved? Or how much are they?

Yes I would marry him all over again. No matter what I love him and our family. The thought of not having our family makes me feel an unexplainable sadness. It really broke my heart when I heard him say that.
The kids parents are aroubd and see the kids biweekly and sometimes weekly but all major responsibility is on us.

[jamievaughn12]

It's time to find a marriage counselor who can also advise you on how to better budget and allocate your family money and other resources. Would he be willing to do that?

I am not sure. He is embarrassed about our money problems and acts as if it is my fault.

[joypulv]

If you can't afford counseling, do your own. 10 minutes a week writing down every expenditure in categories (groceries, gas, etc). One hour a month going over bills, paying them together, Budgeting and planning.
(If the other parents aren't chipping in more than you are for the kids, then go back to court and get it ordered, unless it was all worked out in the divorces.)
Budgeting together means he can't blame you for money problems.
Money is the # 1 reported marriage problem.
I'll bet you can solve this and go back to a happy marriage.

[jamievaughn12]

If you can't afford counseling, do your own. 10 minutes a week writing down every expenditure in categories (groceries, gas, etc). One hour a month going over bills, paying them together, Budgeting and planning.
(If the other parents aren't chipping in more than you are for the kids, then go back to court and get it ordered, unless it was all worked out in the divorces.)
Budgeting together means he can't blame you for money problems.
Money is the # 1 reported marriage problem.
I'll bet you can solve this and go back to a happy marriage.

Thank you for your help. I will talk to him about budgeting. I really hope we can get past this and work it out. How can I get past that comment and the hurt and feeling he regrets us? That makes me feel like I love him and his children more than him as my love is not conditional on things being good.

[Wondergirl]

I'm guessing it's his frustration talking. What kind of work does he do and what is his schedule?

How old are all the children?

[jamievaughn12]

I'm guessing it's his frustration talking. What kind of work does he do and what is his schedule?

How old are all the children?

He is in sales. Our children are 12, 10, 9,8,7,4.

[Wondergirl]

How long has be been in sales (a tough job!! )? Is he good at what he does? What does he sell?

[jamievaughn12]

How long has be been in sales (a tough job!!!!)? Is he good at what he does? What does he sell?

His entire career, petroleum, and he is very good

[Wondergirl]

Is there anything you can do to lower his frustration level when he's at home? Do you even know what could have prompted his comment about being so stressed?

[jamievaughn12]

Is there anything you can do to lower his frustration level when he's at home? Do you even know what could have prompted his comment about being so stressed?

Money, being behind on bills. Parenting our kids. I try to have the house clean most days and dinner ready. The kids all play sports so sometimes its just not possible. I also am very affectionate to him but he often rejects it.

[Wondergirl]

Are there any things to cut back on?

[jamievaughn12]

Are there any things to cut back on?

A few

[Wondergirl]

One thing I did was cut back on using/eating processed foods and make things from scratch.

Are the sports programs costing money? Maybe that's an area to skip for a while?

If the money situation improved, would his stress level go down and he would feel better about the marriage?

[joypulv]

Here's my take on the 'probably not' honesty: if he really regretted marrying you, he would have hesitated, looked to his left, and said 'oh no, I have no regrets.'

Think of it as a healthy expression of normal feelings everyone has - like having dear sweet darling children, GRRR! Don't you ever have fantasies about being rich enough to ship them all off to private schools, and only see them on holidays? Or are we talking with super mom here, who sails through every kid-crisis with love and cookies?

[shweta123]

He is stressed, frustrated. He is removing all stress on u. don't feel bad for what ever he says. Try to understand him.

[shweta123]

Try to understand him why is he talking all such things. Is he frustrated or there is some other reason.