[Homegirl 50]

One thing you will learn as you mature is you don't need to verbalize everything you feel. What you think you feel for this man is your business, not his. He does not need to know, does not need to be brought in to your fantasy.
You are a 15 year old who has a crush on a teacher. You are not the first and you won't be the last. You will get over it, but you don't need to creep this teacher out or put him into a position he does not need to be in because you want to tell him your feelings. Keep them to yourself.

[Fiddels]

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

[smoothy]

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

Then what was the point of creating this thread?

[Homegirl 50]

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

Then keep your feelings to yourself. This is what happens when you don't think things through. You are bent on letting him know your feelings but you have not thought about what damage that can do. That is what we are trying to get you to see.

[Fiddels]

Then what was the point of creating this thread?

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

While you may not be stupid, you still have a lot to learn. Telling him how you feel would destroy him and your teacher-student relationship. If other people found out, along with seeing the time "alone" you spend together, he'll be thrown so far away from teaching it would make both of your heads spin and he'd never be allowed to teach for the rest of his life and all the money and time he spent going to school would be for nothing.

I think you need to read and re-read the answers given to you in this question. Seriously, I'd start now.

[JudyKayTee]

"I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity." This is from your 15 years of experience (and from this thread it appears you don't have any) as well as your maturity (likewise)?

"I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today" I would "sympathize" with an adult student in "love" with an adult teacher.

I didn't know you wanted sympathy. I think everyone who has answered you does feel sorry for you, if that makes things any easier for you.

"I've been reading a lot of anecdotes of intergenerational relationships, legal ones and about two where teenagers had engaged in sexual intercourse with older (sometimes married) men" I do, too. Usually I read about this on arrest records and Police Reports.


Why are you under the impression that I'm out to destroy him? I have feelings for him and I don't want sex or a relationship with him, I'm not stupid.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

Is "Cathartic" what you mean?

Clearly you do not understand that not all feelings need to be openly expressed. Some, like infatuation, are best left inside.

Like I said above, you've got a lot to learn.

[JudyKayTee]

Is "Cathartic" what you mean?

Clearly you do not understand that not all feelings need to be openly expressed. Some, like infatuation, are best left inside.

Like I said above, you've got a lot to learn.

He wants sympathy. Read above.

Do you feel sorry for him? I do.

[smoothy]

Read the first post. Properly.

It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

I'm a College Educated Degreed Engineer; my grasp of the English language and reading comprehension far exceeds yours.

I can speak and read 4 different languages, how many can you? English is my mother tongue.

[C0bra_M3nace]

He want sympathy. Read above.

Do you feel sorry for him? I do.

Of course I do. Mostly because right and wrong isn't a hard concept to grasp and telling his teacher he loves him is very wrong.

[JudyKayTee]

Of course I do. Mostly because right and wrong isn't a hard concept to grasp and telling his teacher he loves him is very wrong.

But it could be very catholicrodiccrodic - or whatever he said.

It could also be a life-changing moment for his teacher!

[talaniman]

Read the first post. Properly.

It is cathartic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.

It may seem like a good idea and make you feel better about yourself, but in truth it will cause more problems than it solves and makes for a very awkward situation. That's not cathartic, that impulsive.

When actions are based on intense feelings and very few facts, then that can be seen as bad, or inappropriate behavior. What others call a crush, I call intense feelings that may later be just attraction (gratitude, for the attention), and you trust him with your secret. Considering that you cannot talk to your own father, its more likely you have gravitated to this older male as a response to not having male attention, and few friends.

You really do need other outlets on the social side besides so much time with him my young friend, and be so tempted to act inappropriately with a teacher, and cross the lines of good behavior.

Why put you both in such an awkward position just because you are in love? If you were in love you would consider all the problems this would/could cause you both and decide against it.

Confession is NOT an act of love, but sacrificing your own needs to protect and respect that object of your attractions is a definite sign of a mature understanding of love.

Right now you have intense feelings you want to blurt out and share, as we all would, but they would be inappropriate, uncomfortable, and awkward, and worse, you may well lose the benefit of an understanding friend.

How is that cathartic? So do nothing until you have dealt with your feelings so you can stay on the correct side of appropriate good behavior. Love, or NOT. Makes no difference.

[tickle]

After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!

If the OP doesn't get the WHOLE picture now, then I don't thinkk he ever will.

To the OP: I don't think you are a monster. I think your thinking is scued, misdirected; so you are gay, that is great if you can identify it now at l5 and know what you want in the rest of your life. You may not stay gay. I hope you find out soon before starting a relationship with another older man, but please sit down with your parents and get it out in the open. If my son were gay, I would love him just as much. It doesn't define you as a personality; it doesn't mean you won't achieve your goal of being a veterinarian, it means you will know what you who you are.

[JudyKayTee]

After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!

If the OP doesnt get the WHOLE picture now, then I dont thinkk he ever will.

To the OP: I dont think you are a monster. I think your thinking is scued, misdirected; so you are gay, that is great if you can identify it now at l5 and know what you want in the rest of your life. You may not stay gay. I hope you find out soon before starting a relationship with another older man, but please sit down with your parents and get it out in the open. If my son were gay, I would love him just as much. It doesnt define you as a personality; it doesnt mean you wont achieve your goal of being a veterinarian, it means you will know what you who you are.

"Tickle," I love your words. I do think that the OP's attitude may very well sink him. At some point he has to stop being a know-it-all, pompous and disrespectful to boot.

I agree - it would not change my feelings, but I know people whose feelings would change, even for their own children. OP has to decide the best approach with his family.

To consider "confessing" his feelings to his teacher because it will make the OP feel better with no regard for the feelings of the teacher is plain old 15-year old thinking.

If a female had posted this about a male teacher I think everybody would be all over her case. I don't see that the word "gay" changes those dynamics very much.

If a 15-year old straight female posted about "other people" - as if this justifies anything - having sex with much older authority figures, married men (with the argument that "her" parents were/are unhappily married), again, all over her!

I actually think the people who answered were kind and respectful. I don't think the OP is/was.

[Fiddels]

Been trying to post the last couple of hours, but it wouldn't let me.

"After reading all responses, you people are phenominal, I must say. We are such a great forum to come to. And tal, your post was amazing!"

I couldn't agree more.

And yes I get it, what I wanted to say before is thank you tal, I realize now that if I tell him I could cause more harm than good, and I don't want that at all. I guess because I didn't have the opportunity to look at this predicament from another's perspective, it would be one sided.

""Tickle," I love your words. I do think that the OP's attitude may very well sink him. At some point he has to stop being a know-it-all, pompous and disrespectful to boot."

I don't know why you guys think so lowly of me, I don't know what I've done wrong and I'm not a know-it-all, I'm more of a know-nothing-at-all. If that were true the last thing I would have done is ask for advice. I'm sorry that I seem like that to you, but it wasn't my intention.

There's no way I could talk to my parents about it, not even my sexuality, my father is abusive and we've fallen out really. I mentioned before he's threatened me if he were to hear I was gay.

It's going to be hard though, I see him 5 times a week, during lessons and sometimes on the way to lessons etc, he smiles and asks how I'm doing. This is all new to me so I don't exactly know how to stop if you know what I mean. But you're right, it definitely isn't worth losing a friendship over, especially when it means nothing to him.

[Goldentetra]

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you need a true friend, someone to understand you? Unfortunately this guys not it. This also makes you very vulnerable if you see it or not. I have a gay friend who was abused by older men at your age. He was from a very homophobic background as well. Be careful.

Hold out you won't be under your father's roof forever, it may seem clichéd but it really does get better. You'll get away and there will be more men that you can go out with and have a happy life with. This is unfortunately not the person (teacher) or the time (school).

Look after yourself and study hard if you want to be a vet :)

---

Just saw your reply, I'm so sorry about your Dad, but I'm happy with your response :)

[Fiddels]

"I know ruining his career, his retirement and his life means nothing compared to your wants....something else thats typical of most 15 yuear olds....they think everything is about them, you usually learn just the opposite the first month after you move into your own place and start supporting yourself."

Once again, this is not what I want at all, and I apologize. I honestly don't know what I've done to come across with this attitude.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems like you need a true friend, someone to understand you? Unfortunately this guys not it. This also makes you very vulnerable if you see it or not. I have a gay friend who was abused by older men at your age. He was from a very homophobic background as well. Be careful.

Hold out you won't be under your father's roof forever, it may seem cliched but it really does get better. You'll get away and there will be more men that you can go out with and have a happy life with. This is unfortunately not the person (teacher) or the time (school).

Look after yourself and study hard if you want to be a vet :)

---

Just saw your reply, I'm so sorry about your Dad, but I'm happy with your response :)

I do have a best friend, and he is a real good friend, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I just feel it's selfish to always talk to him about my problems, because it is really all I talk to him about when we've finished talking about other things and catching up. But now I think about it, it makes no difference who I tell I guess, right? It would still be selfish to tell them, because I am thinking about myself. I did worry about this but as it wasn't my intention I didn't think of it as a priority, or important at all. My friend can be a jerk to me sometimes, because of the other people he hangs out with, but that's him just fitting in. We share a lot of our problems and we promise we'll be there for each other.

How did it work out for your friend? Is he doing well?

And also I understand that I guess my teacher isn't meant for me, but he is my ideal man, it's just so hard to think I'll ever meet someone like him again, and that's what I worry about the most. I was depressed to the brink of suicide before I got him as a teacher and got to know him *a bit* .-.

[JudyKayTee]

QUOTE by Fiddels;
... I honestly don't know what I've done to come across with this attitude.

Well, for starters (all your words):

“I just want him to know how I feel, I'm not sure if he'll understand.”; “He's the first man I've fallen in love with and I'm just suppose to ignore that?”; “I mentioned before I've never felt this way about anyone before and I know this what love feels like.”; “I wouldn't expect adults to sympathise with teenagers today... ”; “I also won't date guys my age because I do not find them attractive, and I wouldn't want to deal with the inexperience and immaturity.”; “Read the first post. Properly. It is carthatic I guess, I just asked for advice, not to be deemed as some monster.”

I also don't understand how you can have siblings and no one is aware you are gay: "“I lost most of my friends when I came out,. ”

That's why I formed the impression of you that I've formed. Your words.

[Goldentetra]

My friend is doing great. He's one of those effervescent people who really lives every ounce of life. Honestly his life is a giant party, I'm kind of jealous :)

In my opinion, telling your friends your problems isn't selfish as long as you are there for them too. Obviously dumping everything on them and then leaving them when they need you isn't great.

If you are feeling suicidal you should talk to someone, I don't know about peer as it's a bit tough for some 15 year olds to respond the best to that (although better than nothing I think). See what the other say I'm no expert, just another human.

Do you have any trusted adults in your life? There might be some phone life lines in your area where you could chat to someone about this if not.

I can't emphasise enough how much being your age sucks but it gets so much better. I went away to uni and felt like a different person (I also wanted to kill myself but I didn't have half the problems you have to deal with.)

You will meet someone like him, probably even better!