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SArarara46 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:12 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and we have made plans for the future e.g. moving in with each other holiday in a few months and to attend a course together but yesterday he asked for a little space and that it may take a week to think things through now it was over text and I cryed so much and I was so confused so I asked for him to ring he said he just needs some alone thinking time I was crying a little and asked for him to flick me a text every now an then to keep me in the loop. Today I sent him a text saying I respected his request for space and that I am going to use the opportunity aswel and that I am right hear for him when his mind is clear and that I love him very much... ofcourse I am not okay at all I haven't really stopped crying haven't slept eating and I feel like I am empty

I want to know if I did the right thing because I have invested a future in this man and want to be with forever.

C0bra_M3nace · Sep 5, 2012, 05:28 PM

You haven't invested anything to this relationship except time. Talk is great, but actions speak louder than words and right now his actions say he's becoming uninterested in the relationship.

Typically when someone in a relationship needs space, it's kind of an easy way out so don't hold your breath on him running back.

I think you need to get away from him anyway. You're too dependent upon him. I mean, you're not sleeping or eating and crying because he wants some space. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet before you can stand with anyone else.

teacherjenn4 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:33 PM

I'm not sure how old you are, but judging from your text speak and no capital letters and hardly any punctuation, I would say you are a teen. He texted you to ask for space in the relationship. Any decent human being would speak to you in person if you had some sort of committed relationship. He's not worth your time if he can't be a man and talk to you about something this important in person.

Alty · Sep 5, 2012, 05:39 PM

Edit: I agree with Cobra and teacherjenn, who posted almost the exact thing I did, at the same time I did. Great minds think alike. :)

You've been together for a year. That's nothing. You made all these long term plans, and it sounds like he's overwhelmed by them. You both sound very young. I'd guess, based on your writing, that you're a teen, 18, maybe 19? I'm only guessing that old because you mentioned moving in together, otherwise I'd guess closer to 16. I'm basing that on your writing skills, your neediness, etc. No offense meant at all.

Fact is, people don't ask for space because they're madly in love. If you're in love you stick around, you ask for more time together. He's confused about something, or he wants to break up and doesn't have the balls to come right out and tell you, so he's using the "I need space" excuse.

Don't sit around waiting for him to decide what he wants. Text him, tell him that if you're not important enough to him for him to commit, if he needs time to think about things, then he should take all the time he needs, but you're not going to sit around waiting for him to decide what he wants while you're left in the dark. You're moving on. If he decides that he wants you, he can text you, and if you haven't found someone better you may take the time to text him back,

SArarara46 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:42 PM

He said he still wants a future with me and to do all the stuff we planned together he justs needs a little space for the next week or two because he spends a lot of time with me and to clear his head and to just think . I am 19 he is 21 by the way.

Alty · Sep 5, 2012, 05:46 PM

Originally Posted by SArarara46

He said he still wants a future with me and to do all the stuff we planned together he justs needs a little space for the next week or two because he spends alot of time with me and to clear his head and to just think . I am 19 he is 21 by the way.

He's sparing your feelings.

Let me put it this way. Do you love him? You obviously do. So, would you ever ask him for space? If not, why? Because you love him, and want to be with him?

He's asking you for space because he wants time away from you. You yourself said you want to be with this guy forever. You said he feels the same way. You're just dating now and he needs space because he spends a lot of time with you and needs to clear his head? Marriage is 24/7, living together means seeing each other all the time. If he can't handle the time you spend together now, how will he handle it when you move in together?

Clear his head? Clear his head about what? Either he wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If he does, there's nothing to clear.

teacherjenn4 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:47 PM

Well, he didn't even speak with you in person. That is not a good sign! Tiime, space, clearing his head... move on. Don't wait around for him. He doesn't think that much of you because he didn't bother to even speak with you.

Alty · Sep 5, 2012, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Well, he didn't even speak with you in person. That is not a good sign! Tiime, space, clearing his head....move on. Don't wait around for him. He doesn't think that much of you because he didn't bother to even speak with you.

Exactly! She wasn't even worth a phone call!

SArarara46 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

He's sparing your feelings.

Let me put it this way. Do you love him? You obviously do. So, would you ever ask him for space? If not, why? Because you love him, and want to be with him?

He's asking you for space because he wants time away from you. You yourself said you want to be with this guy forever. You said he feels the same way. You're just dating now and he needs space because he spends a lot of time with you and needs to clear his head? Marriage is 24/7, living together means seeing each other all the time. If he can't handle the time you spend together now, how will he handle it when you move in together?

Clear his head? Clear his head about what? Either he wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If he does, there's nothing to clear.

Thank you even though its blunt this is what has been playing on my mind.

Alty · Sep 5, 2012, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by SArarara46

Thankyou even though its blunt this is what has been playing on my mind.

Sorry for being blunt. But blunt is what you need right now.

I know it's tough. We've all been there. Breakups, especially when you're the dumpee, aren't easy. They suck the big one.

But to sit there waiting for him to decide what he wants, when it's obvious that he has doubts, that sucks even more. He's giving you a clear message, and you have to decide what you're going to do. Do you sit around waiting for him to choose to be with you, to love you like you love him, or do you make your own choice, go and live your life?

Love is blind, but it doesn't have to be deaf and stupid too. Not an insult, just saying it like it is.