[smoothy]

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.

He's got the right to look at anyone he wants... even as a married man.

You watch chick flicks... and don't say you don't.

And 11 months isn't a serious relationship... you haven't even gotten past the being on your best behaviour stage yet... and aren't being yourself yet.

You need to deal with yourself esteme issues... and those are your problem... not his.
I've had a number of multi year relationships before I got married, and a lot more very short ones... I've also been maried for 20 years, we were together for 4 years before we took that step.

I look all the time... my wife knows it, and in fact she knows what I like and even points them out to me... usually before I even see them.

She knows who I go home with every night.


One HUGE life lesson you NEED to learn... you don't change someone else to conform to your own insecurities and issues. They will eventually build a serious resentment... even if they humor you in the beginning. And they WILL eventually walk away.

You have a better chance at teaching a pig to dance... or fly.

Change yourself... don't expect someone else to change to suit you. Or even better... and a novel concept for some. How about finding someone that's more like minded. With over 7 billion people on the planet... there will be more than a few out there.

[JudyKayTee]

What treatment, being told to stop masturbating over other people? They are in a relationship, they should expect to be told that.

In a relationship you don't tell anyone anything. You ask.

I notice you have posted on a number of porn threads. What is your interest/concern in porn?

[smoothy]

In a relationship you don't tell anyone anything. You ask.

I notice you have posted on a number of porn threads. What is your interest/concern in porn?

I'm also curious how old they are. They have the attitude of a teen, and a young one at that.

[Cat1864]

Longest 11 months. I don't mind the masturbating bit it's the visuals of other people. Wouldn't mind if he used his imagination.

This seems to be a point some people don't understand. Viewing porn or using any other form of erotica is using their imagination.

When you watch a mainstream movie and get into the plot and character development then you are using your imagination to step into the world created by the actors, directors, editors, filmographers, musicians, etc. Are there parts of the movie you might find interesting in real-life? Are there characters you would love to have a date with in real-life? Does enjoying the full experience of the movie mean you are going to leave your boyfriend for one of the characters? Do you expect your boyfriend to become Prince Charming?

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be pulled into a world of fantasy for a little while.

As I said before, my biggest issue for this op is that he is looking while at work. If there is a chance he is endangering his job, then there is a problem.

[smoothy]

This seems to be a point some people don't understand. Viewing porn or using any other form of erotica is using their imagination.

When you watch a mainstream movie and get into the plot and character development then you are using your imagination to step into the world created by the actors, directors, editors, filmographers, musicians, etc. Are there parts of the movie you might find interesting in real-life? Are there characters you would love to have a date with in real-life? Does enjoying the full experience of the movie mean you are going to leave your boyfriend for one of the characters? Do you expect your boyfriend to become Prince Charming?

There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to be pulled into a world of fantasy for a little while.

As I said before, my biggest issue for this op is that he is looking while at work. If there is a chance he is endangering his job, then there is a problem.

And they are also expecting the guy to suddenly have the thought processes of a female.

Where an erotic novel to a woman is no different to a woman than a Pictorial Mens magazine (or pictures) are to a guy.

Again this is typical thinking of a young teen female... I wonder how old they actually are.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm also curious how old they are. They have the attitude of a teen, and a young one at that.

So far 4 out of 4 boyfriends have watched porn - longest relationship was 11 months.

Apparently the boyfriends didn't get the memo that porn is/was forbidden.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ch-671207.html

[smoothy]

So far 4 out of 4 boyfriends have watched porn - longest relationship was 11 months.

Apparently the boyfriends didn't get the memo that porn is/was forbidden.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ch-671207.html

I'd have given them the boot and left them wherever we might have been at that moment if any of my previous girlfriends pulled that on me.

And I've walked out on more than a few leaving them to call someone to pick them up over the years.

Cold yes... but it was smart considering I needed to remove myself from a hostile situation before it escalated to something far more ugly.

[lovemelavender]

He's got the right to look at anyone he wants.....even as a married man.

You watch chick flicks....and don't say you don't.

and 11 months isn't a serious relationship...you haven't even gotten past the being on your best behaviour stage yet.......and aren't being yourself yet.

You need to deal with your self esteme issues...and those are your problem...not his.
I've had a number of multi year relationships before I got married, and a lot more very short ones....I've also been maried for 20 years, we were together for 4 years before we took that step.

I look all the time...my wife knows it, and in fact she knows what I like and even points them out to me...usually before I even see them.

She knows who I go home with every night.


One HUGE life lesson you NEED to learn......you don't change someone else to conform to your own insecurities and issues. They will eventually build a serious resentment....even if they humor you in the beginning. And they WILL eventually walk away.

You have a better chance at teaching a pig to dance...or fly.

Change youself...don't expect someone else to change to suit you. Or even better...and a novel concept for some. How about finding someone thats more like minded. With over 7 billion people on the planet...there will be more than a few out there.

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

[smoothy]

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

ESPN isn't the same to a guy as chick flicks are to a woman... ESPN isn't erotic or tantalizing. Not to a straight man anyway. I'm not gay or Bi so I can't comment beyond the straight guys perspective there. Uless we are watching certain female sports... like tennis (got some hotties there) or beach volleyball. Certain swimming events too. But in general... its not at all the same.

Guys are hardwired to be visual... women aren't that's why a guy gets from a picture with some skiin the same thing a woman forms in her mind reading a romance novel or a chick flick.

We actually do think in very different ways... and that difference is very fundemental in nature.

He can say anything he wants when she makes demands she has no right to make...

Personally, I'd have given her the boot... I have too much self respect to put up with anyone that even thought I should do backflips so they didn't have to deal with their own personal issues.


Know what... this entire thread is about HER demanding HE change... well, her rights end where his personal space begins. She never had the right to make demands of another like that. And she never will. He doesn't have the right to demand she get his name tattooed on her butt or get piercings because he thinks it s hot too. It's a two way street.

If you are making demands.. and presuring the other... you really shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

There are guys that insecure out there... and I have given exactly the same advice to them too. If you have issues... deal with them... don't project them on someone else. That applies to both genders.

She's going to find herself being equally unhappy with any normal guy out there unless she finds the most pathetic dweeb out there that can't find anything better that doesn't have an ounce of self respect. Probibly find them on the internet someplace a long way away.

And it will be that way until she faces up to her own shortcomings. Few guys will put up with that for long. We ALL get sick and tired of it eventually... and if you WANT a guy to cheat or leave you, that's the best way to do it.

[JudyKayTee]

Smoothly, Smoothy, Smoothy.

Yes, us girls watch "chick flicks", but who here is asking the man to turn off wrestling or action packed movies? I thought we were talking about porn. Last time I checked, chick flicks were not porn so what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

What gives a man the right to watch whatever he wants to watch? You are honestly asking that?

What takes away that right? No one.

He watches porn; it's a deal breaker for her; she ends the relationship. It's as simple as that.

[Alty]

what gives a man the right to flop himself in front of it just because we indulge in a genre of movies we like?

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

[smoothy]

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

Precisely. Spot on.

[CravenMorhead]

Honey Bunches of Oats,

Sure the man can do whatever he wants, if he wants to be a single man. But a COMITTED man can not. It is NOT okay for a man to lust after other women, whether they be real or over the Internet. The only woman he should have eyes for honey, is YOU. And if he doesn't, that's a serious problem.

So no more romance novels, romantic comedies, chocolate, or whatever gets your fire going. The only thing You're allowed is your man. Only when you're single can you enjoy a lady boner with the aforementioned goods. Does that seem as asinine to you?

The only woman he wants to make love to is his woman. That doesn't stop several million years of evolution fighting within him. We have self control, but we still like to look at naked women knowing that we will never get with them. It is the same thing if a waitress bends over just right, or a cold breeze comes, We look. Doesn't mean we're going to try to pounce on them and give them a good humping. It isn't quite lust.

Think of it this way, what if these porn stars he is watching on a computer screen were real, touchable women? What if morning, noon, and night - and even at work - while you are not around, he's sexing up all these pretty women? Are you just going to make him "promise" not to do it when you're not around or are you going to take action?

I am not sure if you have seen porn but there are women like that in the world. Interestingly enough near by him as well. If I were to wander my office I could find several women who fit the porn star motif. They're around me all the time. The girl helping me get off the train, helping me unload my baggage, serving me my cockeliky (sp) soup; They're all porn star quality, let alone walking the campus in town. It is a wonder my pants stay up. Eh? Wanting to sex them up. Oh baby. Oh baby. Give me a break.

Honestly frosted flakes, Give your man some credit. Look around you, especially with the current clothing fashions, and you will see a lot that could turn him on. The 'couple commitment' is a strong one. When a man makes that commitment it means that he's going to turn down all the free out there. Yours is the only home for the little solider. Granted he will take him for target practice, but you're the only target he's going to be going after. Sorry for that anology.

I am offended that you have such a low opinion of males. Seems like a double standard. We can't have playboy calendars but you can have firefighters/police calendars? Give me a break. We promise you, verbal or implied, that we won't mess around on you.

I was in a very similar situation once, and I discussed it with a friend who told me to get out of the relationship. I believe she said, If he would look up a slut on the TV, what's stopping him from going out and getting some in the real world?

Stupidly, I stayed in it for awhile. Couple weeks later, I got a big slap in the face when I found out he was cheating.

Sluts eh? Strong language. I think you're biased.

So why do you think he cheated? Because of porn or other reasons? My terrabyte collection and clean cheating record would like to disagree with you. Strongly.

I would bet my money that he cheated on his previous girlfriend, possibly with you, and so on. I would say that it was a character flaw in him not porn.

You're comparing Apples to Pears.

The best thing you can do is let him go and find someone who you can be in a faithful, honest, and healthy relationship with.


I wish you the best!

If the original poster is still reading... disregard the post I am responding to. The assumption and connections that are being made here are insane and... amazing.

Wow.

[JudyKayTee]

If the original poster is still reading.... disregard the post I am responding to. The assumption and connections that are being made here are insane and... amazing. wow.

Right, equating cheating and porn. Amazing.

I think it's about control.

[Alty]

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) that I've been with my husband for 22 years. He's never cheated on me. He watches porn, and guess what, so do I!

Porn doesn't equal cheating. Cheaters cheat for many reasons. Some cheat because they aren't capable of being faithful (thankfully they're few and far between). Some cheat because of lack of affection at home. Others cheat because of lack of trust, or understanding from the woman they love. Want to guess why your boyfriend left lovemelavender? Considering your controlling nature, I'd go with number 3.

[smoothy]

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) that I've been with my husband for 22 years. He's never cheated on me. He watches porn, and guess what, so do I!

Porn doesn't equal cheating. Cheaters cheat for many reasons. Some cheat because they aren't capable of being faithful (thankfully they're few and far between). Some cheat because of lack of affection at home. Others cheat because of lack of trust, or understanding from the woman they love. Want to guess why your bf left lovemelavender? Considering your controlling nature, I'd go with number 3.

Got to give you a virtual greenie since I need to spread the rep around.

[CravenMorhead]

Froot Loops,

And you contradict yourself. "Change yourself, don't expect someone else to change to suit you". If he shouldn't change to suit us, why should we change to suit him?

It all comes down to this girl who created this post, of she is truly so unhappy, there's no reason to stay in the relationship. The guy outright lied to her anyway when he made a promise he most likely knew he couldn't keep.

You should understand the person you're dating/marrying. Know that a man and a woman are different. They have different arousal methods. They perceive the world differently. What you might see might be completely different to a man.

Think of how you get aroused. Think of what it takes. The gently kisses, the feelings of security, of love, and closeness. Think of all the complex emotions that are required. Now here is how a boy gets aroused. Boobs. There. Done.

A lot of romantic movies and romance novels play on the female arousal cycle just as porn works on the male arousal path. Understanding the difference and how that works is vital to know what to expect. Considering this are you willing to give up all that sparks your oven? That is what you're asking him to do.

The poster need to realize what is going on here. Then she needs to decide what is going on.

[CravenMorhead]

Bravo Craven!

Just want to say to the OP, and the fruit loop (I'm stealing Craven's cereal names) ....

I didn't read this until after my second post. :-D Awesome

[lovemelavender]

It's called freedom. The fact that you don't seem to understand that men have just as much right to watch porn (which is also a genre of movies) as you do to watch chick flicks, is alarming.

Do you want a relationship or do you want someone that will obey your every command? It sounds to me like you expect every guy you date to follow your rules, to do what you want, and to give up the things they like just to make you happy. No wonder you can't keep a relationship going.

It's called setting standards and having morals. There's a fine line between that and "rules" in a relationship. It should be a mutal agreement between the couple.

[smoothy]

It's called setting standards and having morals. There's a fine line between that and "rules" in a relationship. It should be a mutal agreement between the couple.

Shouldn't HAVE to be anything... he's got the right to make his own decisions without consulting her first and agreeing to anything. That's a right that comes with being an adult, and a LOT of things aren't subject to a vote, they just are automatically..

PARTICULARLY as a single man... I am a MARRIED man and I don't have to get "permission" from anyone.

Buying a car... that's something that needs an accord... what I am going to do on my computer... is NOT one of them.

And a wife has far more rights to even express their opinion than a girlfriend does. Not that either is a Queen that must be obeyed, because they aren't.

Otherwise you don't have a relationship... you have a power struggle.