[Lostandafraid]

I don't really talk to my real dad, so my step dad has become my dad. My mom and stepdad have been fighting about this for quite some time and I officially have proof. My mom recently gave a cell phone to my best friend that wasn't being used in my home. We were playing around with it and found in the history adultfriendfinder.com . Being an average 14 year old girl I was curious and discovered she had "Hotlisted" A bunch of guys. Also, while we were on the site we got multiple chats. I know it is right to tell my step dad but with doing that we risk losing him, and with not speaking to my father I do not want to do. Please, I am so afraid of what will come of this...

[JudyKayTee]

I don't really talk to my real dad, so my step dad has become my dad. My mom and stepdad have been fighting about this for quite some time and I officially have proof. My mom recently gave a cell phone to my best friend that wasn't being used in my home. We were playing around with it and found in the history adultfriendfinder.com . Being an average 14 year old girl I was curious and discovered she had "Hotlisted" A bunch of guys. Also, while we were on the site we got multiple chats. I know it is right to tell my step dad but with doing that we risk losing him, and with not speaking to my father I do not want to do. Please, I am so afraid of what will come of this...

You know what happens when you snoop? You get yourself into situations like this one.

I don't know that the "average 14 year old girl" snoops through her mother's belongings.

How do you figure it's "right" to tell your stepdad?

How about telling your mother you snooped and what you found and see if there's an explanation.

Why would go straight to your stepfather and betray your mother?

[Lostandafraid]

You know what happens when you snoop? You get yourself into situations like this one.

I don't know that the "average 14 year old girl" snoops through her mother's belongings.

How do you figure it's "right" to tell your stepdad?

How about telling your mother you snooped and what you found and see if there's an explanation.

Why would go straight to your stepfather and betray your mother?

Excuse me, but I was here for help. Not going to help , don't answer

[JudyKayTee]

Excuse me, but I was here for help. Not going to help , dont answer

You are 14. Don't tell me when I can and cannot answer.

I told you what to do - stop snooping and talk to your mother, not your father (who apparently isn't around much), not your stepfather.

You would want your mother to be fair with you. Be fair with her.

You are aware that if your mother and stepfather divorce he has no "claim" to you, right? You will live with your mother or live with your father - who apparently, again, is out of the picture. I would suggest that "reporting" to your stepfather isn't going to make things really comfortable with your mother IF/WHEN they divorce.

I think you're picking sides here. You have "proof"? Proof of what? Ask your mother what's going on - in private.

[Lostandafraid]

You are 14. Don't tell me when I can and cannot answer.

I told you what to do - stop snooping and talk to your mother, not your father (who apparently isn't around much), not your stepfather.

You would want your mother to be fair with you. Be fair with her.

You are aware that if your mother and stepfather divorce he has no "claim" to you, right? You will live with your mother or live with your father - who apparently, again, is out of the picture. I would suggest that "reporting" to your stepfather isn't going to make things really comfortable with your mother IF/WHEN they divorce.

I think you're picking sides here. You have "proof"? Proof of what? Ask your mother what's going on - in private.

Ok, really quit being rude. She left it wide open on the cell phone she gave to my best friend cause her cell phone was stolen. Kind of hard to miss

[JudyKayTee]

Ok, really quit being rude. She left it wide open on the cell phone she gave to my best friend cause her cell phone was stolen. Kinda hard to miss

I'm not going to argue with you -

You asked what to do. I told you.

"Kinda hard to miss" is the usual excuse for snooping.

That's behind you. The question was what should you do. I told you. You tell your stepfather, it blows his marriage apart, you appear to have no choice but to reside with your mother (or in foster care), the very woman whose marriage you exploded.

She probably left it open because she trusted you. I'm guessing that won't be the case any longer.

You might try posting on the teen board instead of an adult board. You'd probably be happier with the answers which are less from the legal standpoint and more from an emotional standpoint, answers you can more clearly understand.

[Wondergirl]

I'm with Judy on this. If you talk with anyone, it should be your mother. In private. If the phone is old or isn't being used (she gave it up willingly or you decided since no one was using it, it could go to your friend?), there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for what you found. Your mother is the key to it all.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm with Judy on this. If you talk with anyone, it should be your mother. In private. If the phone is old or isn't being used (she gave it up willingly or you decided since no one was using it, it could go to your friend?), there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for what you found. Your mother is the key to it all.

Brace yourself for a reddie based on quoting the title of the post - ?

If my daughter snooped and then went to her stepfather with the information it would be a long, long time before I trusted her again - and if that marriage explodes this child has nowhere else to go.

I'd think it over.

[Wondergirl]

I'm wondering, if the mom is cheating, why she would willingly hand over an incriminating piece of electronic equipment to a non-family-member. Maybe I read too many mysteries.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm wondering, if the mom is cheating, why she would willingly hand over an incriminating piece of electronic equipment to a non-family-member. Maybe I read too many mysteries.

And I've been an investigator too long.

This phrase has stuck with me: "My mom and stepdad have been fighting about this for quite some time and I officially have proof." Proof of what? Proof that they are fighting? Proof of "this." What is "this?" I see a child whose father has walked away, bonded with the stepfather, mother and "step" are fighting and she has chosen sides. Why? Based on the "now I have proof" statement.

It could be an old phone; someone else could have been using it; maybe the mother is searching out other men; maybe the mother's dunce with a bad memory and handed the phone over.

I don't know. My advice doesn't change. I don't if the stepdad has adopted the child or not - " don't really talk to my real dad, so my step dad has become my dad."

I also see a headstrong 14-year old who isn't going to listen to anyone's advice. Note that the snooper went through the phone's history (probably seeking "proof").