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jstalter · Aug 7, 2012, 05:18 PM

My daughter is 13 going on 14 years old and her father has been in and out of her life as well. For the last 3 years he has been out of her life and I am the one picking up the pieces all the time every time he leaves and doesn't come and see her. Now after being absent for the last 3 years he wants his parenting time back after the courts suspended them. My daughter doesn't want anything to do with her father and she has told him on the couple times he contacted her by phone. She has also expressed her feeliIng to her dad's side of the family (his mother and father also his siblings) I have never kept her in the dark if I heard word from her father or the courts... I always keep her updated. She is so agree and hurt by her father she told me, "it would hurt if she never seen him again." I know she is only hurt because no matter what she does love her father but what do I do if he gets his visitations back and she doesn't want to go and tells me she will not go. But yet I can get in trouble if she denies him his days. She is the same size as I am what am I suppose to do, pull her out of her room kicking and screaming... really. What can I do?

jstalter · Aug 7, 2012, 05:31 PM

My daughter is 13 going on 14 years old and her father has been in and out of her life as well. For the last 3 years he has been out of her life and I am the one picking up the pieces all the time every time he leaves and doesn't come and see her. Now after being absent for the last 3 years he wants his parenting time back after the courts suspended them. My daughter doesn't want anything to do with her father and she has told him on the couple times he contacted her by phone. She has also expressed her feeliIng to her dad's side of the family (his mother and father also his siblings) I have never kept her in the dark if I heard word from her father or the courts... I always keep her updated. She is so agree and hurt by her father she told me,"it would hurt if she never seen him again." I know she is only hurt because no matter what she does love her father but what do I do if he gets his visitations back and she doesn't want to go and tells me she will not go. But yet I can get in trouble if she denies him his days. She is the same size as I am what am I suppose to do,pull her out of her room kicking and screaming... really. What can I do?

ScottGem · Aug 7, 2012, 06:01 PM

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on another thread. This can lead to confusion. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

If his viistation has been suspended then he has to go to court to get them back. If he does, then your daughter goes to court and explains why she doesn't want to see him. Hopefully the court will see it her way.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 7, 2012, 06:01 PM

Hire a good lawyer to represent you so that the girls wishes are known in court. If he gets visits, hire a good attorney when he takes you back to court for contempt when she won't go
And sadly the term, mommy could go to jail for contempt if we don't follow the court order.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 7, 2012, 06:03 PM

Duplicate questions merged

jstalter · Aug 7, 2012, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

duplicate questions merged

He did take me to court to get his time back but he called his lawyer and said he couldn't make it. So I then had to submit a letter about how I feel about the whole situation and my daughter did the same. Now we got a recommendation stating he should get his time back. My daughter is so upset and keeps telling me she will not go at all.

ScottGem · Aug 7, 2012, 07:11 PM

Who made the recommendation?

jstalter · Aug 8, 2012, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Who made the recommendation?

The referee

Fr_Chuck · Aug 8, 2012, 04:12 AM

So, demand a hearing, show that he did not even come to court, get an attorney, obviously you don't have one. Motion that the referee recommendation be withdawn since they did not even speak to the child.

You are giving up and rolling over way to fast.

ScottGem · Aug 8, 2012, 04:36 AM

Originally Posted by jstalter

The referee

On what basis? Did the referee talk to the child? A referee's recommendation is just that, a recommendation it is probably not binding on the court. Especially if it is not based on a thorough evaluation of the situation.

As Chuck said, get a lawyer. Since he is bringing the action, you can ask that your attorney fees be paid by him. The fact that he didn't show for a hearing he initiated should, especially when coupled with the history and your daughter's position influence the court if presented properly to to the court.

Your daughter is old enough to have her opinion listened to. But she has to present it properly and an attorney can coach her on how to do that.

Good luck and keep us posted.

JudyKayTee · Aug 8, 2012, 04:43 AM

Originally Posted by jstalter

She has also expressed her feeliIng to her dad's side of the family (his mother and father also his siblings) I have never kept her in the dark if I heard word from her father or the courts...I always keep her updated.

I don't know what State this is in but in NY (and I just worked one of these assignments yesterday and I do agree the people went over the top by hiring me) the Courts are coming down HARD on a parent who keeps a child "informed" in a fashion which is meant to influence the child, "poison the well" so to speak.

It's a danger and I appreciate a teenager understands what is going on.

However, I think it's worth mentioning, particularly if this child has discussed the father with the father's relatives and perhaps has expressed opinions which are not her own.

jstalter · Aug 8, 2012, 05:11 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So, demand a hearing, show that he did not even come to court, get an attorney, obviously you don't have one. Motion that the referee recommendation be withdawn since they did not even speak to the child.

You are giving up and rolling over way to fast.

I can't afford a lawyer and I just don't know how to handle the situation myself. I'm trying to do all of this myself... but if my ex would pay his child support I could get one... but you can't get blood from a turnip. But right now it looks like I have no choice I have to fight for what is best for my child and that is to do what she wants. Thank you

JudyKayTee · Aug 8, 2012, 05:12 AM

Originally Posted by jstalter

I can't afford a lawyer and I just don't know how to handle the situation myself. I'm trying to do all of this myself...but if my ex would pay his child support I could get one....but you can't get blood from a turnip. But right now it looks like I have no choice I have to fight for what is best for my child and that is to do what she wants. Thank you

- and what does she want? What are you going to do?

ScottGem · Aug 8, 2012, 05:20 AM

Originally Posted by jstalter

I can't afford a lawyer

Did you read what I said about charging him for the attorney fees? Talk to some lawyers, many offer free consults. They can tell you how viable this is.

But don't tell me you can't afford an attorney, because my answer to that is you can't afford NOT to have one since the difference may be your daughter having to go or you going to jail.

JudyKayTee · Aug 8, 2012, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Did you read what I said about charging him for the attorney fees? Talk to some lawyers, many offer free consults. They can tell you how viable this is.

But don't tell me you can't afford an attorney, because my answer to that is you can't afford NOT to have one since the difference may be your daughter having to go or you going to jail.

Agreed - I'd look for a free consult, ask Legal Aid, call a Law School, do my own research. I'd be VERY afraid that the "other side" is going to argue that the mother has poisoned the child against the father.

Very afraid.