[alleyT]

Hi I have this problem with my boyfriend. We both live in different countries and only see each other 4 times per yr. He work and I attend university. I am having problem trusting him and this is causing arguments in the relationship. He has changed towards me. Whenever I call him sometimes for a whole day he says it’s the service that’s bad in his area, and when we do get to talk sometimes we feel as if we are falling in love all over again and then it’s back to square one.

Whenever I ask if he wants us to be just friends or a break up he says no he is happy with me. But things not changing and I am confused, he doesn’t talk much the relationship lacks communication so I can’t get much out of him. School starts back soon and I am so depressed now and afraid this will affect my studies. Please help me. Thank you.

[ednaidaly]

Do you still feel the same towards him? From what you said it sounds like he isn't into the relationship anymore. Honestly why would you want to have a boyfriend that doesn't live in the same country as you & you only get to see him 4 times a year? I don't want to sound mean or anything but wouldn't you want to have a boyfriend that lives in the same country as you and the same city & that can pick you up and you guys can go on dates and you can see him more than 4 times a year? I wouldn't trust my boyfriend if he lived in another country I know it may sound bad but its true.

[JudyKayTee]

People in the same cities cheat. Only dating people in your specific area does not guarantee faithfulnes
You apparently have trust issues. I would suggest that you not date people in college, who travel for work, who are in the Military.

[alleyT]

Do you still feel the same towards him? From what you said it sounds like he isn't into the relationship anymore. Honestly why would you want to have a boyfriend that doesn't live in the same country as you & you only get to see him 4 times a year? I don't want to sound mean or anything but wouldn't you want to have a boyfriend that lives in the same country as you and the same city & that can pick you up and you guys can go on dates and you can see him more than 4 times a year? I wouldn't trust my boyfriend if he lived in another country I know it may sound bad but its true.

I honestly still love him but I don't know if letting him go would mae things better. I haven't change towards him. Yes I would love being in a relationship with someone near me but I already fell for this guy so what do I do now?

They are both in College, not junior high. They are planning for their futures, whether that is a joint future or separately.

People in the same cities cheat. Only dating people in your specific area does not guarantee faithfulness.

You apparently have trust issues. I would suggest that you not date people in college, who travel for work, who are in the Military.

OK thanks for the advice.

[JudyKayTee]

ok thanks for the advice.

It's a mistake to let this relationship have a bad effect on your schooling -

Are you better in this relationship or out of it?

[Fr_Chuck]

Relationships change, that is a fact of life, if you were living down the block, they either progress or the degress, so yes your relationship has changed.

You need to back away a bit and see if this is what you really want

[alleyT]

It's a mistake to let this relationship have a bad effect on your schooling -

Are you better in this relationship or out of it?

To be honest, I think out of it would be better but I can't find the guts to let him go because I am trying to talk to him and he gets mad at me and that he will try to make things better. I want to let him go but don't know how to.

Relationships change, that is a fact of life, if you were living down the block, they either progress or the degress, so yes your relationship has changed.

You need to back away a bit and see if this is what you really want

OK thank you I think I will try to back away

[talaniman]

Its always tough in a long distance relationship to keep things going. How long has this been going on, and how much longer will it continue?

Its worse when you get impatient and cannot over phone begin to talk and communicate and you really have to think is this really worth it?

No its not when you cannot resolve things or make adjustments that work for you both.

Maybe agree to send each other letters, instead of this new age electronic stuff. Its worth a try.

[alleyT]

Its always tough in a long distance relationship to keep things going. How long has this been going on, and how much longer will it continue?

Its worse when you get impatient and cannot over phone begin to talk and communicate and you really have to think is this really worth it?

No its not when you cannot resolve things or make adjustments that work for you both.

Maybe agree to send each other letters, instead of this new age electronic stuff. Its worth a try.

Thanks... we have been dating for 3 yrs and 7mths but e migrated for a yr now, the problem started for the past 2 months now n it has me wondering if the relationship will even make it for a next mnth. Do u think I should stop calling and texting him for awhile?

[talaniman]

If your calls and texts lead you to express nothing but insecurity, doubt, and fear, and mistrust, of which all he can do is reassure you,. absolutely stop.

If you cannot convey love, and missing him in romantic terms, I fail to see the point. Having the feelings and how you express it, be it text, or calls is important. And making a stink about how long he takes to respond is a big turn off for romance or bonding.

Now that's not to say that he bears no responsibility in this, but you must be in control of your impulses to complain about what may be small things you make bigger.

Yes a long letter of love would be a better thing than a confusing text that drives you crazy. Maybe have an interesting fun time would help you get a healthy balance and take the focus off the time and distance apart.

You might even get some studying done.

[alleyT]

If your calls and texts lead you to express nothing but insecurity, doubt, and fear, and mistrust, of which all he can do is reassure you, ...........absolutely stop.

If you cannot convey love, and missing him in romantic terms, I fail to see the point. Having the feelings and how you express it, be it text, or calls is important. And making a stink about how long he takes to respond is a big turn off for romance or bonding.

Now thats not to say that he bears no responsibility in this, but you must be in control of your impulses to complain about what may be small things you make bigger.

Yes a long letter of love would be a better thing than a confusing text that drives you crazy. maybe have an interesting fun time would help you get a healthy balance and take the focus off the time and distance apart.

You might even get some studying done.

Thanks a lot for the advice :)

[saubreen]

Its difficult to be in such situation. Communication gap confuses a lot but it is not necessary that he might be avoiding you or has changed, may be he has burden of work so remains busy and also gets irritated due to it. That is why doesn't talk properly to you because he has agitated mind that time due to work pressure. Routine of an employed person and a student is totally different. I know it very well because I sail in the same boat. Try to be patient and give him some space. Don't be telling him to break off or something. Saying to break off is easy but facing it is very difficult. Try to build faith in him on sound grounds I don't tell you to be blindly trusting but you should trust on good basis unless you suspect him of something that you know or believe is true. If he is not able to call you regularly try to mail him or text. Slow and steady win the race. :)

[alleyT]

its difficult to be in such situation. communication gap confuses a lot but it is not necessary that he might be avoiding you or has changed, may be he has burden of work so remains busy and also gets irritated due to it. that is why doesnt talk properly to you because he has agitated mind that time due to work pressure. routine of an employed person and a student is totally different. i know it very well because i sail in the same boat. try to be patient and give him some space. dont be telling him to break off or something. saying to break off is easy but facing it is very difficult. try to build faith in him on sound grounds i dont tell you to be blindly trusting but you should trust on good basis unless you suspect him of something that you know or believe is true. if he is not able to call you regularly jus try to mail him or text. slow and steady win the race. :)

Thanks much saubreen kind of feel a little better... I hope it works wit the space

[saubreen]

Thanks much saubreen kind of feel a little better.... i hope it works wit the space

It would inshallah.. time will itself help you to understand.. stay happy and positive.. be stable and don't get panic like I do. ;)