[RLR83]

My daughters father is incarcerated. He has never seen her nor is he on the birth certificate. She is only 3 months old. He wrote me a letter saying that he is getting legal help to get custody or some kind of visitations. I don't want him any where near my daughter. I guess I am asking if there is anything I can do now to keep him from getting her when he does get out? Which should be in 2014.

[JudyKayTee]

He's the father. As the father - once DNA proves he's the father - he can ask the Court for visitation and/or custody (which he will not get unless you are unfit). You can ask for supervised custody, no overnights, whatever limits you want to put on his visitation but you cannot keep him from seeing his child.

You, of course, would also ask for child support.

His name on the birth certificate is relatively unimportant. DNA will prove paternity.

Did he have a criminal record or was he engaged in criminal activity when you were having sex with him or is this something new? That will be a problem from your side - he was good enough to have sex with but not good enough to parent a child with? The Court may very well ask you that question.

[Fr_Chuck]

You can get sole custody, should not be a issue, that does not stop him from getting visitation, so while most likely he would not ever get any custody, he can easily unless he is a danger to the child, get visitation.

[JudyKayTee]

You can get sole custody, should not be a issue, that does not stop him from getting visitation, so while most likely he would not ever get any custody, he can easily unless he is a danger to the child, get visitation.

These quotes always bring a question to my mind - the guy was good enough to have sex with (either unprotected or not enough protection or not the right protection or something went very wrong) BUT now the child is 3 months old and the mother doesn't want him anywhere around the baby.

Maybe before having sex people should wonder whether the sex partner would be a good person to co-parent.

[RLR83]

He's the father. As the father - once DNA proves he's the father - he can ask the Court for visitation and/or custody (which he will not get unless you are unfit). You can ask for supervised custody, no overnights, whatever limits you want to put on his visitation but you cannot keep him from seeing his child.

You, of course, would also ask for child support.

His name on the birth certificate is relatively unimportant. DNA will prove paternity.

Did he have a criminal record or was he engaged in criminal activity when you were having sex with him or is this something new? That will be a problem from your side - he was good enough to have sex with but not good enough to parent a child with? The Court may very well ask you that question.

Well, he just got out of jail when we met. It is a messed up story. Anyway he wrote in a letter that I can't seem to find anymore that he was use my daughter to get to me. He even told me a week before I had her that he wished we were dead. Then his excuse for saying it was because he was mad at me. He lived with me. I got him a job. His first check he used it to buy drugs. So I kicked him out. Then he starts staying with other drug users and then breaks into someone home and steals from them. That is why he is back in prison.

[RLR83]

These quotes always bring a question to my mind - the guy was good enough to have sex with (either unprotected or not enough protection or not the right protection or something went very wrong) BUT now the child is 3 months old and the mother doesn't want him anywhere around the baby.

Maybe before having sex people should wonder whether the sex partner would be a good person to co-parent.

Your right. At first he was a great guy. Then he changed. All because of drugs. I am afraid that if he gets any custody he will try to kidnap her or something horrible. I am not asking for you to judge me for the mistakes that I made. I understand that getting involved with him was a bad choice. I am only asking because I care about my daughter. He only wants to see her to get to me. If he would have stayed on the right path. We would still be together. He chose everything else than a family.

[JudyKayTee]

Your right. At first he was a great guy. Then he changed. All because of drugs. I am afraid that if he gets any custody he will try to kidnap her or something horrible. I am not asking for you to judge me for the mistakes that I made. I understand that getting involved with him was a bad choice. I am only asking because I care about my daughter. He only wants to see her to get to me. If he would have stayed on the right path. We would still be together. He chose everything else than a family.

Honestly, I'm not judging you. In fact, you are one of the few people who answer a question honestly - I can truly feel your pain.

If you read through the questions you'll see that every man claims the mother is a major nut case; every woman claims he's abusive and should (or is) be in jail.

I do understand that you tried to help him straighten out, and it sounds like it might have worked.

At any rate make sure you have notes and records and copies of everything. IF he moves for visitation or custody then you have to PROVE he's a danger to the child (mentally or physically).

I would definitely ask - if he files for custody or visitation - ask for supervised visitation (in the presence of a neutral party).

Good luck - sounds like a nightmare.