[Nimmy76]

Does a 12 year old have to stay with the custodial parent if she constantly has her boyfriend over and he is condescending to her and thinks he is boss of her and her mom does nothing about it? They live in a 3 bedroom duplex and have 3 adults, and 3 kids there full time, and another one their part time on 2 weekends a month. Not even sure where everyone is sleeping because she won't tell the dad anything and the kids are so scared of being yelled at that they lie to cover up for their mother about anything that goes on in that house. Oh and don't forget about the girlfriend of the 18 year old that sometimes stays there so that is another body that sleeps there too. So that makes 8 people in a 3 bedroom I believe?

[ScottGem]

A 12 yr old cannot choose who to live with. If the NCP (is that you?) wants custody, they have to go back to court and present a case for a modification of the custody order. The living conditions have a bearing, but I'm not sure I see enough to change custody.

[Nimmy76]

The 3rd adult (18) and the 12 year old, and the part time child (15) have all told their mother that they hate this boyfriend but she refuses to listen to them. He is no good for her. The only reason he is still around is because the other 2 children she has are with him. And she keeps going back to him. They used to live together but it ended bad. And again they are seeing each other. The dad of his 3 children has custody of the 15 year old and wants custody of the 12 yr old as well, but the mother won't let that happen because of thechild support and her being the baby sitter of her other 2 children. Is there anything we can do to help the 12 yr old? We have tried mediation and taking her to court but unfortunately KS seems to be a mother state and doesn't seem to go anywhere. Even though the obvious choice would be to have the child with her dad who can provide a better environment for her. He is remarried and the girls both have a loving relationship with his wife.

[ScottGem]

Who are you in this?

But unless family services feels the situation is dangerous there is likely nothing to be done. As she gets older, the courts will listen to her more and more.

[Nimmy76]

And that is the problem. The longer we wait the more trouble it causes for everyone involved and the more un-needed stress it puts on the 12 yr old. But I guess that's how the court system works in America. For the mothers. When it should be for the parent that can best take care of their children. No matter what the gender.

I am their stepmother.

[ScottGem]

The courts are supposed to rule in the best interests of the child. However, it will be difficult to prove that the status quo is not in the child's best interests.

Unfortunately you have no legal standing at this point. So your husband needs to do everything. But I would consult a local attorney to see what the chances are of getting a modification.

[Nimmy76]

Trust me living with her mother is not in her best interest. Not while that boyfriend is around. And not in any circumstance really. She is 12 years old and has yet to get to do anything she wants to do (like piano) because her mother doesn't do anything for her. SHe only uses her for babysitting and around the house stuff. If she was with us (her dad) she would be doing stuff that kids should be doing and doing better in school as well. Less distractions and better opportunities! Thanks for the advice.

[Fr_Chuck]

Unless the "boyfriend" or other people living in the home is a real threat to the child, the mother may live with anyone she wants, the non custody parent has no say in who the other parent lives with. In most cases they do not have to even tell you who they are.

With that said, if you can prove that it is better for the child ( you will need real evidence, photos, statements , people to testify) what is happening in the house to danger the child. The child may get to testify as to what they want.
But the non custody parent will have to file in court to modify the current custody.

[ScottGem]

Trust me living with her mother is not in her best interest. Not while that boyfriend is around. and not in any circumstance really. She is 12 years old and has yet to get to do anything she wants to do (like piano) because her mother doesn't do anything for her. SHe only uses her for babysitting and around the house stuff. If she was with us (her dad) she would be doing stuff that kids should be doing and doing better in school as well. Less distractions adn better opportunities! Thanks for the advice.

You have to prove it to a court, not to us.

[Nimmy76]

Trust me I know... Problem is courts don't listen. It seems unless it can be worked out between the parents there is no help for the kids. And it is just so sad.