[Nikki7347]

I am 12 years old and I have a suicidal boyfriend. He told me right before he moved and I haven't seen him since. He told me that if he doesn't answer my calls or text messages then he is in a hospital for people like him, or in other types of trouble, if you know what you mean. He hasn't answered any of my texts for the past three weeks and I am really scared. Even though we haven't talked I still defend him and stay by his side whenever he needs me. I haven't told my family, not even my twin sister. I have only told my best friend, but she doesn't seem to understand at all. Between that and being bullied at school, and a lot of other stuff, I am not sure what to do. I am so scared he will die. If he does I will never forgive myself. I can't even bring myself to talk to the school guidance counselor. I cry myself to sleep every night with these impossible choices that I know no one my age can relate to. He always feels a lot of pain feels no one loves him. He said he has been suicidal for a few years now but every time he tries to kill himself he is either caught or doesn't die. He is in major therapy.. I haven't even asked how he has tried to kill himself because I am too afraid too hear the answer. I told him he has me and isn't that enough to keep him alive. He told me that one day even I will stop loving him and then he will have nothing left at all, he said he won't be able to bear that day, there is no point to anything after that, so he might as well just die. I didn't know how to respond. I really do love him, I love him so much and will do anything for him. I am so confused, I need advice! Should I stay with him or break up? Should I tell my family? Should I talk to my guidance consular? I am so scared, what should I do?!

[smoothy]

i am 12 years old and i have a suicidal boyfriend. he told me right before he moved and i haven't seen him since. He told me that if he doesn't answer my calls or text messages then he is in a hospital for people like him, or in other types of trouble, if you know what you mean. he hasn't answered any of my texts for the past three weeks and i am really scared. Even though we haven't talked i still defend him and stay by his side whenever he needs me. i haven't told my family, not even my twin sister. i have only told my best friend, but she doesn't seem to understand at all. between that and being bullied at school, and a lot of other stuff, i am not sure what to do. I am so scared he will die. If he does i will never forgive myself. i can't even bring myself to talk to the school guidance counselor. i cry myself to sleep every night with these impossible choices that i know no one my age can relate to. he always feels a lot of pain feels no one loves him. he said he has been suicidal for a few years now but every time he tries to kill himself he is either caught or doesn't die. he is in major therapy.. i haven't even asked how he has tried to kill himself because i am too afraid too hear the answer. I told him he has me and isn't that enough to keep him alive. He told me that one day even i will stop loving him and then he will have nothing left at all, he said he won't be able to bear that day, there is no point to anything after that, so he might as well just die. i didn't know how to respond. i really do love him, i love him so much and will do anything for him. I am so confused, i need advice! Should i stay with him or break up? should i tell my family? should i talk to my guidance consular? i am so scared, what should i do?!?

Tell your family and tell his...

[Nikki7347]

Tell your family and tell his....

His family already knows but they don't care. My family will surely make me break up with him. We need each other. I am so scared and confused

[smoothy]

his family already knows but they don't care. my family will surely make me break up with him. we need each other. i am so scared and confused

You are 12... you don't "NEED" this or him at this stage in your life.

All you know is what he told you... and its highly unlikely he was being honest about any of it.

[Nikki7347]

I don't need him, I know that. But we are there for each other. We are both going through some though things and he is there for me. His family told me with him so I know he is telling the truth. When he told me he was trying not to look at me and was holding back tears. I am afraid of making the wrong choice. Everyone else completely hates me. I feel like this is all my fault. :.. (

[smoothy]

i don't need him, i know that. but we are there for each other. we are both going through some though things and he is there for me. his family told me with him so i know he is telling the truth. when he told me he was trying not to look at me and was holding back tears. I am afraid of making the wrong choice. everyone else completely hates me. i feel like this is all my fault. :..(

None of its your fault... and he is trying to make it your fault. Like I said... you don't need any of this crap. Particularly since you are only 12. I think he is a junior player already... and his parents if they told you that... are away he's likely the type to over exaggerate... or play the drama queen, he won't be the first kid in the world to flat out lie or invent situations that don't exist. He's very likely done this before on other things... his family would know this, but you wouldn't.

You don't know him like they know him. And there actually ARE people out there that will lie about these things in order to play with peoples emotions because it makes them feel better about themselves when they do it. You will meet more like that in your life. You are gust getting an earlier start at it than most.

Tell your family... I am certain they will say much the same thing I just said about him.

It comes down to this... you are respnsible for yourself... and your own family comes ahead of everyone else.

You don't allow anyone NOT related to you to dump this on you. And if he really is dumb enough to do this... then it would have happened anyway... and as I said, at twelve... nobody can dump that kind or responsibility on you... and no twelve year old should even try to accept it.

What kind of things ARE you responsible for? Things like keeping an eye on your younger brothers and sisters when mom and dad aren't there... your school work... the chores you are given.

But NOT things like this boy and whatever problems or drama he is creating. You tell adults about it... and let them deal with it. As you get older the reasons for this will become obvious to you. And they will long before you become an adult.

Plus adults can quickly tell a real problem from lies... 12 year olds just are NOT convincing liars to most adults, but younger kids can be fooled easily. A pro can tell if his issues are real or imaginary... and they know what to proceed with if it is warranted.

[Nikki7347]

I just fear that it's real. He took me to therapy to wait with him once. I told my parents I was riding my bike but I wasn't. He has so many cuts and what if he is dead? I have no friends and no one understands me. I am not sure if I should risk it. I promised him when he told me that I will not break up with him because of that. But I am scared, one day I asked him if he wanted to hang out and he said no, I am too dangerous. I can't stand crying until I can't cry anymore. I am not like the typical 12 year old. I am extremely bullied and for some reason everyone thinks I am emo. By the way you actually are making me feel a lot better.

[smoothy]

So.. real or not... its NOT your responsibility. Is it hard to do... certainly. But as you get older.. you are going to find that you really can't assume responsibility for many, many things... Right now it's a little hard to understand what I am trying to say because you really don't have that much to be responsible for yet...

If it help to put it in perspective... look at your emotional capacity as a small box... you can put some things in that box... but obviously you can't put everything in it. You have to decide what to put in it... and they will be the more important things... and you have no room for someone else to put their stuff in it, because that means you have less space for your stuff.

Even as adults... we have some very definite limits... and as we get older we are all going to have those limits tested time and time again.

If you try to fell like you are responsible for things you have no control over at all, it is a waste of your time and effort...

And put another way... why should you worry about what you best friend does on their test in school... if they don't care enough to study for it? Worrying about it accomplishes what... it makes you unhappy... it accomplishes nothing... and it certainly didn't make your friend who IS responsible change how they behaved, did it? So... you worry about YOUR stuff, your families stuff and you will find out soon.. you really don't have time for things you have no control over...

Does that help you see what I'm trying to say?

[Nikki7347]

I can understand what you are saying better now. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode. I am afraid to face him. I am afraid to tell him and then I will have to tell my family. It's just that we have been through so much together, I am having trouble just giving up just because it got hard. I have been telling other people on this website don't give up, it's just a rough patch, things will get better, now here I am giving up

[smoothy]

i can understand what you are saying better now. sometimes i feel like i am going to explode. i am afraid to face him. i am afraid to tell him and then i will have to tell my family. it's just that we have been through so much together, i am having trouble just giving up just because it got hard. i have been telling other people on this website don't give up, it's just a rough patch, things will get better, now here i am giving up

Sometimes the smart thing to do IS give up... and its never easy to decide exactly when to do that. But you tried... it accomplished nothing.. so now its time to give up and walk away...

Usually when the other person doesn't listen to your advice and contuinues to do what you told them not to do... is a perfect time to give up and worry about the things you actually have some control over.

And that feeling of being ready to explode... tells me you already have more things to worry about than you are able to handle right now.

[Nikki7347]

It's true I do have a lot on my mind. My mom has mercury poisoning, I am being bullied, someone threatened to beat me up, people whisper about me all the time, and my ex is making my life living hell. I have control over nothing. I can't control anything, I find I can't even control myself sometimes. People say that bad things only happen to me. It's true. Is there something wrong with me?

[smoothy]

it's true i do have a lot on my mind. My mom has mercury poisoning, i am being bullied, someone threatened to beat me up, people whisper about me all the time, and my ex is making my life living hell. i have control over nothing. i can't control anything, i find i can't even control myself sometimes. People say that bad things only happen to me. It's true. Is there something wrong with me?

No... nothing is wrong with you... its part of growing up... you are only 12, there shouldn't even be an ex much less a current... not yet. A few years from now it will be different...

And the next few years you are going to be going through many significant chages as you go through puberty and your early teen years. Your mom will be your best friend lending you her experiences there... I can't do that. For a number of very good reasons.

But one thing your most certainly DON'T need the next few years... are drama queens like this boy. You have enough things that need your full attention.

[Fr_Chuck]

You say NO, Tell the bullies NO, if they are too bad report them, Tell boyfriend NO, tell him to bad, or just don't contact again, walk away and don't talk to him again. Take Control.

People talking about you, think of it as great, they know who you are. Do what YOU need to do, what you WANT to do, take control then if they talk it is just about things you are proud of, if they don't like it who cares

[Nikki7347]

No...nothing is wrong with you...its part of growing up...you are only 12, there shouldn't even be an ex much less a current....not yet. A few years from now it will be different...

And the next few years you are going to be going through many significant chages as you go through puberty and your early teen years. Your mom wil be your best friend lending you her experiences there....I can't do that. For a number of very good reasons.

But one thing your most certainly DON'T need the next few years...are drama queens like this boy. You have enough things that need your full attention.

I will have to think about it. You are really good at giving advice. I am just scared. All different scenarios are running through my head at once. I just thought that with everything else I have no control over, so just maybe I can make a difference with this.

[smoothy]

I will have to think about it. you are really good at giving advice. i am just scared. all different scenarios are running through my head at once. i just thought that with everything else i have no control over, so just maybe i can make a difference with this.

Some things are beyond you ability to influence or control... no matter how much you want to... or how old you. That is true for everyone.

[Nikki7347]

I feel so stupid. I can't believe I actually thought I could control this. I feel so bad doing this. I feel that right when something gets tough I leave. He told me why, making this even worse. His parents had him at 16, they are divorced. He is bouncing between his mom, dad, and grandparent's houses. He moves constantly. He feels no one loves him.he told me that I was all he got was me, He told me that one day I will break up with him and then he will have nothing at all. He said he will probably die. Right now I am crying, he won't answer my calls or texts and I am afraid something bad has happened. He warned me that when this happens he is either in trouble or it's too late. I don't know what to do. I am so so scared. By the way Fr Chuck I can't walk away from the bullies, they are everywhere and they are constant.

[smoothy]

No need to feel stupid... every adult out there has to face the same thing from time to time. Nobody is immune from it. And many times its NOT an easy decision to make, even for people with far more experience than you have. And even for us, sometimes it takes a third person with no interest in it to point it out to us before we see the obvious.

[Nikki7347]

I don't think I should break up with my boyfriend right now. I looked it up online and you could get pregnant without having sex. All my online pregnancy tests came back positive. But I can't be pregnant, Can I?

[smoothy]

i don't think i should break up with my boyfriend right now. i looked it up online and you could get pregnant without having sex. all my online pregnancy tests came back positive. but i can't be pregnant, Can I?

First off... stop going to websites like that, they are run by idiots that prey on the uninformed. The last immaculate conception happened over 2,000 years ago. You aren't the next one.

And there is no such thing as an online pregnancy test.

If you never did anything you could not do in front of your parents... then you can't possibly be.

[Nikki7347]

I am not sure. I looked on doctor's websites and they said that "any form of contact similar to that without protection can make you pregnant, this doesn't usually happen but there is a possibility"