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unknown700 · Jun 17, 2012, 10:08 AM

Hi I'm with my boyfriend a year now and I've known that he is depressed a while now but he has made me think that if I stay with him he'l eventually recover but I've realised that's not going to work because he is also suicidal.Everytime when I try to leave him because he done something wrong he threatens to kill himself,he has sliced his wrist a couple of times before and I'm the main reason.I've tried to talk to his mom but she has no interest in her son.I'm at a quite young age so this is very hard to handle for me.I feel traped and there is nothing I can do.I made him get help but it doesn't seem to work.I'm ready to move on but I can't because he sees me as 'the only thing keeping him alive ' please help

LadySam · Jun 17, 2012, 10:17 AM

How old are you both and what kind of help has he gotten already?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 17, 2012, 10:26 AM

This is a form of abuse, they use threats to keep you, Sorry you will have to find a mature bone in your body and just leave them, Report him and what he says to social services. If he is under 18, call children and family services and tell them.

I know this is going to sound really mean and hard, if he was really going to kill his self he would be dead, people who are really going to do it, almost never threaten to do it, they are just found dead at some time.

This is so common that people use that to control their partner.

unknown700 · Jun 17, 2012, 10:46 AM

He is nearly 18 and I'm only 15.I sent him to the local reach out to youth association.I told him to get more advanced help but he refuses to and says that the help he's currently getting is going to work

bigNavySeal · Jun 24, 2012, 08:38 PM

I agree with Fr_Chuck. Threatening with Suicide is a form of mental abuse, often used by people with social/mental issues. I have experienced this once, and it has made me aware of the intricacies of human/social relationships. It's very unlikely he will actually commit suicide due to you leaving him. Don't let this downplay you. If you want to leave him, gather the courage and just do it.

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 06:45 AM

Hey, my boyfriend is suicidal too. I know just how confusing it is and I am only 12. If you want to leave him then do it, but first try to talk him out of it. Try to get him help. He may have had issues in the past or is going through a stage of depression. I understand what you are going through, I am staying by my boyfriends side and am trying to get him better. It's a very scary thing but you are just going to have to accept it. Stick around a bit longer and see that maybe you still love him. If he doesn't have any childhood issues or anything like that then he really still loves you. He probably can't stand the idea of losing you. Think to yourself that if he wasn't like this would I still love him? Then make your decision, because that may change your mind and it sounds like he needs you.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 25, 2012, 06:49 AM

Just leave them, they are almost never suicidal for real, they do this to get their way. They are lying to you

If you have found him with real cut wrists or passed out from over dose before, report him to the police ( and his parents) but still leave him

If not just tell his parents and leave him. The longer you stay the better he will control you

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 06:57 AM

You shouldn't just leave him. My boyfriend really is suicidal, what if yours is too. Don't let him control you, you control him. If you are really unhappy then leave, but if you stick around for a bit longer then maybe you will make a difference. Tell his family but not the police. Try to fix it, get him to go to therapy or something. Only call the police if you are sure he is going to kill himself right in front of you. Put yourself in his place and think you really love this person, enough to kill yourself. Would you really appreciate the person you love calling the police on you.

joypulv · Jun 25, 2012, 07:24 AM

What they are doing is UNFAIR to you both, plain and simple. They are selfish and thoughtless. They are using you. They are dragging you down. You should be ANGRY. You can be concerned of course, and care a lot, but it's not doing all 4 of you any good.
Tell them 'I care about you enough to leave you so that you will get the help you need. I care about myself enough to not be dragged into this and just end up feeling trapped.'

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 07:32 AM

No one is being unfair. Everyone s just stating their opinions. That is why you are on this website. You wanted to see what other people think before you make a decision. You have to make the same decision as me. If you don't love him any more then leave. That is up to you. I am just going to say that I think that try. Do you really want to give up so easily. Have some persistence. After that then make a decision. What is happening is not fair to you and I am sorry for that, but honestly this is the way things are, you are going to have to accept it and make a decision.

joypulv · Jun 25, 2012, 12:41 PM

Nikki7347, what I mean is any suicidal person who insists someone not break up with them or they will hurt themselves is being unfair. That is my opinion, of course, but find me someone who says it isn't.
Saying 'this is the way things are' is sort of like saying your house is on fire and that's the way things are, so just sit there. Having persistence drains energy, time, a lot of grief and helplessness and doesn't work. What has to be done and said can be done in a matter of 10 minutes, then you should leave, for both your sakes.

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 01:11 PM

joypulv, I am just saying what I do about my suicidal boyfriend. Are you saying that I have just been wasting my time?

joypulv · Jun 25, 2012, 02:46 PM

I'm primarily talking to the owner of this thread, who says that she has repeatedly tried to leave her boyfriend, who then slices his wrists and blames her!

If your situation is different, you should start your own thread. I don't think you really see what she has written. She is more than wasting time, she is dragging herself down.

Nikki7347 · Jun 25, 2012, 03:27 PM

She is wasting her time. My situation is no different only I am probably younger. I am 12. I was scared and am saying what I am doing. Sadly it took me a few strangers on this website to make me realize that I am just being stupid. I am stupid, I thought that if I stayed it would get better, it doesn't. The longer you stay the more trouble you get in and the more out of hand things get. Don't make the same mistakes as me and leave while you still can.