[britpilk]

My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old son together and recently moved in together about five months ago. Their relationship was going great up until recently... He and I have been arguing in front of him (dumb, I know) quite a bit which we have been working on and know it needs to stop. But because of this our son is now scared of my boyfriend... to the point of crying and shaking when he picks him up or touches him. When this occurs my son looks to me crying with his arms reached saying "mommy" so I go to him and hold him and try to reassure him all is okay. When this happens which is everyday my boyfriend gets upset with me and says that I am making the situation worse by comforting him and that I need to just let him be. I feel differently obviously... this my son and I can't imagine not holding him... I know that he may not be upset over a present threat but in his mind he is unsure and scared. What is the best way to handle this situation on all parts?

[Fr_Chuck]

Professionally counseling, both for child and for you and the boyfriend.

I am sorry but this appears to be a self caused problem.

[Wondergirl]

Does your boyfriend do anything fun with the child? Or does the boy know his dad only as a yelling person lately?

[WisperWill70]

Agreed. Counseling should be your FIRST priority -- not only to figure out how to deal with your relationship/emotions in a safe way for you and your child (and this would include not involving the child in FIGHTS).. but also to discover if there are more serious problems in your home.

There may be more to the fear and crying and shaking than simply a result of arguments he is witnessing. You need to find out of there is something else going on! Shaking is a fear-response not normally seen in JUST instances of overhearing arguments. What else is going on?


Has this boyfriend ever been abusive? If he has shown any tendencies of physical violence there could be things going on that you don't know about. Him trying to block you from comforting your child is disturbing...

(though when and how you comfort the child can be affirming that he has something to be anxious about, that there is danger you cannot control or protect him from... more needs to happen than just cuddling - the whole dynamic you and the baby are in is unhealthy).

[DoulaLC]

How extensive are your arguments? Are they disagreements, or are you yelling and screaming at each other? Had there been any verbal (name calling, threats, etc.) or physical (grabbing onto, pushing, slapping, etc.) abuse occurring?

[wop48]

I agree with wisper will it sounds like your child fears him for other reasons.
As a father of two boys I can't even imagine them not wanting me with them and having so much fun whenever were together. Get help or get out of this relationship (safely as possible)