[stevebar1]

I am a father of three children. My 2 oldest are on there on now, by a previous marriage. My youngest son will be 12 in April. He has mentioned to me many times that he wants to come and live with me. I've told him many times that living with me would be no different than living with his mother as far as rules, chores etc go. She is a good mother but I also am a good dad. She has had full custody of him since he was about 2. At one point I had to pick him up through a third party because they thought I was unstable and unsafe to his mother because I bugged her phone many times and quite frankly did stupid things that actually created this. Totally my fault. I realize that was very wrong but at the time I thought she was having an affair and got caught up in what I was doing knowing it was wrong but justifing it in my own mind. I was court ordered to have a mental evaluation which I did. The place where I had it done would not provide me with anything stating I passed or failed 10 years ago. At the time this was very important to them both, however it wasn't followed up on to make sure the courts or they received the evaluation. As far as I know she, the attorney or the courts never received anything as I asked her about it many years ago. ( I guess I was a really dangerous person due to no follow-up by her or her attorney) more like an attorney ploy. Anyway, to get the full story. I thought if I went to anger management it might save our relationship, not because I thought I had a problem. I went voluntary, not court ordered. I didn't really think I had a problem. Well, eye opener. There was a lot about my behaviors that were not normal. They were what I had learned as a child and thought that they were normal. Long story short, I learned a lot about myself and what was normal ( the choices I made) and I made many changes for the better in my behaviors and life. More patience, non controlling, and think before you act. It's a way of life for me now. I think I've reached where I need to be although my temper still shows once in awhile, but at least I treat anger differently now. My reward was people noticed, especially my children. I am a better person for that therapy. The bad side to this story is that I was bugging the phone when I was going to anger management and there is a 0 tolerance for doing wrong from the very day you join or are court ordered. Anger management was summoned to court and gave a horrible picture. They said I would use power and control in whatever way possible to achieve my objectives. How wrong they were! I agree that power and control are wrong but I also believe that the 0 tolerance made a difference as to what the lady said in court that I had never even met, who by the way was involved in a very bad mental and physical relationship before becoming a part of the program. Not playing victim here, I just think the policys were a little mixed up. Even to this day I don't care what they said because in my heart and ways I changed and that's enough for me, my children and those whom really know me.
My point to the story is... Has anyone reading ever experienced anything close to what I have written and how did you fair in court. My son wanted me to contact an attorney to find out what the chances of him living with me are. His words not mine. I've told him the only way we might would have a chance would be for him to speak his decision in court which he said he would. I also told him how it will effect his mom. I didn't pull any punches in the scenerio. No matter what happened between us she is still a good mother to him and I told him so, pointing out all she does for him. He in turn points out all the things I do for him. I only get to see him every other weekend for the past 10 years. I love him very much and want him to be with me. Does anyone think I have a chance? Maybe a reversal of what we have now. She lives an hour away so I don't think anything except full custody would work unless someone has a better idea. Any responses would be greatly appericated. Thank you in advance.

[JudyKayTee]

I admit I didn't read through all of this - it is a legal question for the legal boards.

No one knows what the chances of anyone getting custody are. Your best bet is to file for a change, present your evidence, his mother will present her evidence, the Court will evaluate all parties (including your son), a legal guardian for your son will probably be appointed and a Judge will decide what is in the best interest of the child.