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Kicknit · May 29, 2012, 01:04 PM

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Pretty much the last year she has resisted sex. She says no not tonight then she will have an excuse the next time. At this point we have not had sex for 2 months. It's not like we spend every becon minute together so I know I'm not crowding her. I know she likes sex because she has told me. About the only way for awhile she would want sex was when she was drunk. I just don't know what to do, we are getting married in about 5 months. I pamper her I buy her flowers and still nothing. I am the one that always cooks cleans and does the rest of the house chores. Lol like I sai I pamper her. I am at the point where I feel like I don't know what else to do. I have bought her lingerie an other things and still nothing. For awhile it was every other week. And I was fine with that but I'm not sure what to do. Any help or advice would be great.

smoothy · May 29, 2012, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by Kicknit

My fiancé and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Pretty much the last year she has resisted sex. She says no not tonight then she will have an excuse the next time. At this point we have not had sex for 2 months. It's not like we spend every becon minute together so I know I'm not crowding her. I know she likes sex because she has told me. About the only way for awhile she would want sex was when she was drunk. I just don't know what to do, we are getting married in about 5 months. I pamper her I buy her flowers and still nothing. I am the one that always cooks cleans and does the rest of the house chores. Lol like I sai I pamper her. I am at the point where I feel like I don't know what else to do. I have bought her lingerie an other things and still nothing. For awhile it was every other week. And I was fine with that but I'm not sure what to do. Any help or advice would be great.

How old are you both?

You think its bad now... just wait until that ring goes on the finger... and she puts on 50 lbs...

Kicknit · May 29, 2012, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

How old are you both?

You think its bad now.....just wait until that ring goes on the finger...and she puts on 50 lbs....

We are in our mid 20's I know the wieght thing will happen we have been losing wieght so that won't be an issue. We already live together and have for almost 2 years.

Wondergirl · May 29, 2012, 01:28 PM

Have you sat her down during a quiet moment and asked her?

Kicknit · May 29, 2012, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you sat her down during a quiet moment and asked her?

Yes, I have asked her a couple times. Both times I get is that she is fine and she will have an excuse for the last couple of times. Then of course the sex will pick up for a couple weeks then back to twice a month if I'm lucky. We are going on a vacation in about a month to Mexico and I feel this is my last ditched effort to get things going again but I'm not sure if that will even help.

Wondergirl · May 29, 2012, 01:52 PM

There is certainly something going on with her, but I haven't a clue what it could be. How about the two of you finding a premarital counselor and work out some issues including this one. (The other issues can be the reason for making the appointments.) And do this sooner rather than later.

Kicknit · May 29, 2012, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

There is certainly something going on with her, but I haven't a clue what it could be. How about the two of you finding a premarital counselor and work out some issues including this one. (The other issues can be the reason for making the appointments.) And do this sooner rather than later.

I have thought of that but she has made it clear to me already that she doesn't want to take any premarital counseling. Outside of the sex we both get along very well we don't have any issues and we compromise very well. It's just when it comes to the compassionate part of a relationship is where the only issues have come about.

Wondergirl · May 29, 2012, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by Kicknit

I have thought of that but she has made it clear to me already that she doesn't want to take any premarital counseling. Outside of the sex we both get along very well we don't have any issues and we compromise very well. It's just when it comes to the compassionate part of a relationship is where the only issues have come about.

Most clergy do offer couples at least one session of pre-wedding counseling. (My minister dad married us and insisted on counseling us. Ugh!)

Why doesn't she want pre-marital counseling? Usually it has to do with budgeting and children and sharing chores around the house--being compatible. Alarm bells are ringing in my head.

Fr_Chuck · May 29, 2012, 02:22 PM

She is not communicating what is wrong and sex is just a result of other issues, from self worth, to attention or other issues. So no things are not going as good as you think they are.

And yes you need couples counseling ( not premaritial) Pre counseling are for couples who are not living together about things that happen living together. You need regular marriage or couples counseling.

Wondergirl · May 29, 2012, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And yes you need couples counseling ( not premaritial) Pre counseling are for couples who are not living together about things that happen living together. You need regular marriage or couples counseling.

I agree and was hoping she would at least agree to the premarital that would then slide into couples counseling as issues got discussed and problems got uncovered and demanded more serious attention. Sort of suck her into couples counseling through the back door.