[Wondergirl]

Okay so maybe religion plays a role in it. But why isn't anyone acknowledging what happened with her mom catching her when she was younger and making her feel ashamed? Doesn't that play a role too!??

Her mother had probably always been taught/told that masturbating is a sin and so just had carried on the same theme to her own child. It might be imbedded in religious belief (most conservative Christians--and Catholics are Christians, btw--believe masturbating is a sin); I'm guessing that's the root cause of her mother's shaming her.

I found this quote: The Catholic Church teaches that "Masturbation constitutes a grave moral disorder" and that "both the Magisterium of the Church—in the course of a constant tradition—and the moral sense of the faithful have declared without hesitation that masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act." Mom was probably just scolding as she had been scolded.

[greentree30]

I totally agree with you Wondergirl. You put it in better words than I could!

[Wondergirl]

I totally agree with you Wondergirl. You put it in better words than I could!

I always wondered, Why would God have created our bodies to react in such a wonderful way and give us such pleasure if it were sinful?

[CravenMorhead]

My two cents as I was reading this. Strength comes from within. Asking god for it is as useful as asking him for money except in that you're vocalizing your desires. More apt to make a difference in your behaviour that way.

The separation that we need to make here is what the emotional and the rational mind perceive. Rationally you know that masturbation is good. It is fun. It is relaxing. There isn't really anything bad or negative about it. Everybody does it.

Then the emotional mind gets it's piece in. Growing up you're often told through media, family, friends, or church that masturbation is bad. Depending on where you live it can be fire and brimstone, or the disappointment of your parents. It really depends and you've had that identified. Chances are it affected you more than you realize.

An exercise for you is to define the feelings you have. You give us broad strokes and general feelings. Try and figure out, and it will be painful introspection, why you feel that way. There might be something you need to admit to yourself. Write it down somewhere where you know prying eyes won't find.

In short you need to figure out the emotional side of this. Talking to a counselor, as has been suggested, is probably the best thing to do. Figure out what this block is. Be open to what it could be. It could be religion. It could family. It could be that you're not comfortable with your lady bits.

Good luck.

[WisperWill70]

Excellent points by Craven. It's not uncommon for us human beings to have both rational and irrational emotional impulses --
To have a split mind about one's own sexuality is NOT uncommon at all. The bad and negative guilt feelings could be coming from your parents, childhood experiences that unconsciously taught you that that activity were bad, Religion, etc- EVEN if you intellectually and cognitively understand that these are unreasonable beliefs to car or that you have a different way of thinking. Guilt is ingrained at an irrational level...

For example, I know a woman who is herself a therapist and yet whom had sex guilt for years even though her academic and intellectual learning and dispelled beliefs she thought she didn't believe! You might say "I don't believe that - I know better!" -- but obviously part of you still buys into some of this shame and guilt on an irrational level.

You absolutely have some Religious and spiritual belief (you pray to God) and while you say that you understand that God created people to have these natural desires there may be a part of you which DOESN'T agree and is afraid of retribution at an unconscious level. You may have tremendous pain and guilt about allowing yourself to be responsible for your own pleasure. One way out is to get some counseling so that you can integrate these parts of your consciousness around sexuality --
Or you could write about your feelings and keep questioning your thoughts.

When you feel that stab of guilt and anger at yourself -- ask, "Why am I feeling like this? Is this really MY feeling right now or is some part of me hanging on to someone ELSE's beliefs? Could this be coming from mom?" etc. Spend some time trying to more closely identify what part of the event makes you feel so bad... how you feel, what are some thoughts that come up? If it's "that's disgusting" -- or something like that try to identify the source of those feelings.

Maybe praying or asking for help to see yourself as loveable, OK and "worthy" of happiness might be the way to go instead of shaming yourself with bargains to stop doing the evil deed.

Our brains might sometimes be conflicted or irrational but we DO always have a choice about where we guide our thoughts and what we do with those thoughts! Pick new ones.

[Lifeiscrap]

Oddly you aren't alone. Swear every time I masturbate God punishes me some how. I have sworn to him never to do it again, but never really works out. Question is are we ready to accept that no one, including God, is likely to care if we masturbate and just enjoy it?

[Wondergirl]

Swear every time I masturbate God punishes me some how.

By doing what to you? (He has never said not to masturbate.)

[Lifeiscrap]

Arguments with family, cars breaking,and a bunch of other normal things.

[smoothy]

Arguements with family, cars breaking,and a bunch of other normal things.

I bet people that never masturbate have the very same things happen to them.

Meaning those are things that happen in life to everyone.

[Alty]

I bet people that never masturbate have the very same things happen to them.

Meaning those are things that happen in life to everyone.

Boy is that ever true. Wait. I do masturbate. Crap, that's why I have arguments with my kids? ;)

[Lifeiscrap]

Oddly in my case, however, every time I masturbate something bad happens that very day. Bought a new car two years ago (I mean first owner new). Had a little free time so I took care of business. Went outside when I was done to go pick up wife and bang, bang, bag. Engine blew. Less than 100 miles and the engine blows?

[Wondergirl]

Engine blew. Less than 100 miles and the engine blows?

That was because you drank the wrong thing for breakfast.

[Alty]

That was because you drank the wrong thing for breakfast.

Or you put your breakfast in the gas tank instead of your mouth. That never works. ;)

[CravenMorhead]

Arguements with family, cars breaking,and a bunch of other normal things.

Last time I masturbated I ended up going to work. I have masturbated before I bought a car. Still bought it. Still working.

Though the last time I got into an auto accident I noticed before hand there was a new rock on my lawn. That was the only thing different that morning. I think the rock caused my accident. I threw the rock off my lawn and after I bought my new car I didn't have an accident. So becarful of strange rocks on your lawn it could cause you to get into a car accident.

Yes I am mocking you. Causality doesn't work like that. Unless you masturbated on to your children. That could cause a fight. But probably because you masturbated on them.

[CravenMorhead]

Oddly in my case, however, every time I masturbate some thing bad happens that very day. Bought a new car two years ago (I mean first owner new). Had a little free time so I took care of business. Went outside when I was done to go pick up wife and bang, bang, bag. Engine blew. Less than 100 miles and the engine blows?

Did you masturbate into the gas tank. I hear Automobile-phila can be dangerous that way.

[JudyKayTee]

Oddly in my case, however, every time I masturbate some thing bad happens that very day. Bought a new car two years ago (I mean first owner new). Had a little free time so I took care of business. Went outside when I was done to go pick up wife and bang, bang, bag. Engine blew. Less than 100 miles and the engine blows?

Well, if you only masturbate every 2 years I would stop masturbating because it's not a big part of your life.

And I agree - it was the rock on the lawn that caused the accident.

[smoothy]

I think bad things happening is more about bad choices... and not at all about whacking off... unless of course things that need done, aren't getting done because you are polishing the fire pole, and that lack of doing what needs done results in the bad thing happening. Then it might be related.

Or if the bad thing that happened was getting arrested because you were spanking the monkey on the front porch when the schoolbus dropped kids off from school feet away... then its related.

[JudyKayTee]

Or if you should be using two hands while driving your car and, in fact, are not.

And that's how auto accidents happen.

[greentree30]

Coochiebating destroys rocks. Facts are facts. Also, roll over a rock and the coochiebate karma will get you.

[jenniepepsi]

Ok so I understand what the OP is saying. He doesn't feel God is angry with him, or that God said it was wrong, or that God will punish him.
He prays about it because HE wants to stop doing it, probably because of how it makes him feel, and he prays for the strength to be able to stop.

Just like I know god didn't hate me or shun me or punish me for my smoking habit. But I DID pray to him for guidance and strength when I quit.


OP, have you spoken to a therapist about this? I had some serious issues with sex/masturbation, but therapy really helps.

I hope you get this sorted out soon.