[sandamaine357]

I'm 18 years old and I don't understand this. It's normal and natural for me to get urges to masturbate, but when I do, I don't enjoy it. It feels really good up to a certain point and then suddenly its like my hormones turn off and I get sooo mad at myself. I've tried looking for the answer, but all I find is religious reasons so let me make this clear: THIS ISN'T BECAUSE OF MY RELIGION, and I KNOW IT'S NORMAL, EVERYONE DOES IT, NOTHING TO FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT.

I'm not ashamed.. its like I'm grossed out. I step outside myself and am like "Wow what are you doing. This is disgusting. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself." Sometimes I even try to promise myself or God (thinking it'll maybe make me actually commit to the promise... ) that as of said day, I will not do this anymore. It'll last for a while like 3 weeks, but sometimes no longer than maybe 2 days.

Again, I know its completely natural, healthy, God make us how we are... Maybe that's everyone else's reason for thinking their "wrong" for doing it, but NOT mine!! So why do I hate myself afterward and stop at a certain point?? I Don't UNDERSTAND THIS!! Also... this has been happening for about 4 or 5 years now.. I've tried to get further in masturbating to maybe knock the habit of hating myself out, but it didn't work.

I'm afraid that when I get further in my relationship with my boyfriend that I'm going to get the same hatred feeling or get scared away from him. So far its good but we haven't gone in the pants at all yet. Please help me?

[Alty]

THIS ISN'T BECAUSE OF MY RELIGION,

Sometimes I even try to promise myself or God

Are you sure it's not because of your religion? What you wrote, it sounds like it's either a religious issue, or a mental issue. If it's religious, then there's not much you can do about unless you're willing to listen to reason. But I really don't want to get into a religious debate.

If it's mental, which is a possibility, then you need counseling to help yourself deal with this, and how it makes you feel.

Either way, there's very little anyone on this site can do to help.

[Fr_Chuck]

At some point in your life, you have been taught that it is wrong, and yes it is either religion or something that happened to you when you were young that you may not even remember.

I would say since it is effecting your life, you really want to get counseling to get past this. I am afraid it will effect other parts of your sexual life as you get older.

[sandamaine357]

Are you sure it's not because of your religion? What you wrote, it sounds like it's either a religious issue, or a mental issue. If it's religious, then there's not much you can do about unless you're willing to listen to reason. But I really don't want to get into a religious debate.

If it's mental, which is a possibility, then you need counseling to help yourself deal with this, and how it makes you feel.

Either way, there's very little anyone on this site can do to help.

Haha thank you for your answer. I realized that may contradict in some way, but I really know its not religious. I just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. Doesn't work lol. I guess I do that because I don't believe I can stop alone? Thanks though

[sandamaine357]

At some point in your life, you have been taught that it is wrong, and yes it is either religion or something that happened to you when you were young that you may not even remember.

I would say since it is effecting your life, you really want to get counseling to get past this. I am afraid it will effect other parts of your sexual life as you get older.

Your answer made a lot of sense to me because when I was younger around 7 or so I would get curious and looked up dirty things online sercretly.. made my barbie dolls do things, etc... very young age. I know I got caught once drawing some things in my diary that my parents found and opened.. I remember my aunt and mom telling me that showing myself isn't good (at my age) its an adult thing, that porn isn't nice or something.. something along the lines that what I watched online was like people being dirty and that pleasuring myself and sex and that stuff is supposed to be beautiful and for love and stuff. Its not like they told me it wasn't natural. I guess at such a young age I was just humilated. And for the record, it was NEVER brought up again. To this day. And I'm 18 now. Never one thing said about it, like it was deleted in history. And then once I was in 9th grade and going through the TOUGHEST of times in my life with my dad leaving and mom leaving, coming back, losing my house, living with family, hating my uncle, and doing horrible in school... anxiety issues etc (I promise I'm not a nut case) in my depression days, I suppose due to stress, I started masturabting a lot. And that's when I would step outside ymself and be like what the heck are you doing haha.. ugh

[smoothy]

Haha thank you for your answer. I realized that may contradict in some way, but I really know its not religious. i just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. doesnt work lol. I guess i do that because i dont believe i can stop alone? thanks though

Why would you even need to do that if its NOT religious in nature.

[sandamaine357]

Why would you even need to do that if its NOT religious in nature.

All right listen people, what I meant was that I don't get mad at myself because I think god will hate me or I'm doing something wrong by pleasuring myself... That's what I meant by its not a religious reason.

Me asking God to help me keep my promise or promising to God that I'm not going to do it anymore, is just my way of trying to keep it. I don't do things for myself, its easier if I promise someone something so I don't let them down.

Again, I don't think I'm letting god down like evryone else does because I know that its natural and nothings wrong with exploring.

Make sense now?

[smoothy]

Not really.. (just speaking for myself)... I don't make random promises to GOD... I save the important stuff for that.

[sandamaine357]

Not really..(just speaking for myself)...I don't make random promises to GOD....I save the important stuff for that.

I pray for important things too. I just ask for strength to help me because its important to me that I get over it because I don't want it to turn into something that bothers me my whole life.. is that okay? Yeah I think it is.

[Alty]

I just try to promise God so maybe I would be strong enough to stop masturbating. Doesn't work lol.

I'm going to reiterate what Smoothy said. If it's not religious, then why do you have to promise God so that you'll be strong enough to stop? If God doesn't enter into this, then why do you have to stop, and why are you promising him that you will?

We're not trying to be mean. You seem to think we are;

All right listen people, what I meant was that I don't get mad at myself because I think god will hate me or I'm doing something wrong by pleasuring myself... That's what I meant by its not a religious reason.

But it is a contradiction. If it's not religious, then there's no reason to promise God that you'll stop. Do you see what point we're trying to make?

The way I see it, this is religious, you just don't want it to be. You want to be okay with it, because there's nothing wrong with it, and you're right about that. But everything you're saying makes it very clear that this is a religious issue. I can't help you with that, as I'm not religious. I have nothing holding me back from masturbating.

I'd like to ask, and if you don't feel comfortable answering I'll let it go, but, what religion do you practice?

[Alty]

I pray for important things too. I just ask for strength to help me because its important to me that i get over it because i dont want it to turn into something that bothers me my whole life.. is that okay? yeah i think it is.

That's the whole issue though. Why do you feel that you need to get over it? Why does it bother you?

That's what you asked. You're the one that said it's not religious, but everything you've said since then makes it clear that it is.

I think this is a matter of you not accepting that it's religious, because you don't want it to be.

[sandamaine357]

I'm going to reiterate what Smoothy said. If it's not religious, then why do you have to promise God so that you'll be strong enough to stop? If God doesn't enter into this, then why do you have to stop, and why are you promising him that you will?

We're not trying to be mean. You seem to think we are;



But it is a contradiction. If it's not religious, then there's no reason to promise God that you'll stop. Do you see what point we're trying to make?

The way I see it, this is religious, you just don't want it to be. You want to be okay with it, because there's nothing wrong with it, and you're right about that. But everything you're saying makes it very clear that this is a religious issue. I can't help you with that, as I'm not religious. I have nothing holding me back from masturbating.

I'd like to ask, and if you don't feel comfortable answering I'll let it go, but, what religion do you practice?

Yes I understand the point you're trying to make. I guess its just hard for me to accept because why would I believe its religious if I KNOW that its not wrong? You know? Okay so ill take that into encounter and consider maybe it is religious. Because I am okay with it... sometimes, Really OK with it.. up until I like it too much, and get to my peak.. if that's even what it is.. that's when I hate myself for doing it and feel sorry for myself and feel like I'm doing it behind someone's back, I'm like backstabbing smoeone which makes NO sense.. haha but I don't mind you asking.. I was born catholic but I consider myself christian. I dnot practice a religion, I never went to ccd, only been to church with some friends of mine like 3 times a long time ago. And once for easter with a different friend. I believe in god and that everything happens for a reason: that's my religion haha. And I believe everyone can believe what they want also. So I have no preference really. I'm open to everything

[sandamaine357]

That's the whole issue though. Why do you feel that you need to get over it? Why does it bother you?

That's what you asked. You're the one that said it's not religious, but everything you've said since then makes it clear that it is.

I think this is a matter of you not accepting that it's religious, because you don't want it to be.

Yeah I know that's the issue.. I don't know why it bothers me. I know what I feel when it bothers me. Like I feel like I'm backstabbing someone, I guess it does feel like I'm doing something wrong and should be doing it. And I guess it could be religious I'm just saying, the reason why I said I don't see how it could be religious is because I know how the human body works and that everything is perfectly natural and not wrong. So if I feel that way, why do I feel wrong?

[Alty]

Yes i understand the point youre trying to make. I guess its just hard for me to accept because why would i believe its religious if i KNOW that its not wrong?? ya know? okay so ill take that into encounter and consider maybe it is religious. because i am okay with it... sometimes, Really ok with it.. up until i like it too much, and get to my peak.. if thats even what it is.. thats when i hate myself for doing it and feel sorry for myself and feel like im doing it behind someones back, im like backstabbing smoeone which makes NO sense..haha but i dont mind you asking.. i was born catholic but i consider myself christian. i dnot practice a religion, i never went to ccd, only been to church with some friends of mine like 3 times a long time ago. and once for easter with a different friend. i believe in god and that everything happens for a reason: thats my religion haha. and i belive everyone can believe what they want also. So i have no preference raelly. im open to everything

The thing is, knowing it's not wrong, but still feeling guilt for doing it, are two different things. You say you're okay with it, but obviously you're not, not 100%, otherwise you wouldn't have asked why you hate yourself after masturbating.

It doesn't make sense that this would be religious because you're not a practicing Catholic (go to church etc), but, I do believe that this is more religious then you think it is, only because of how often you mention God when you post. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's great that you have a belief. I only worry if that belief is making you feel guilt about something that is perfectly natural.

So, having said that, I think that counseling is still your best bet, because, like Fr Chuck, I'm worried that if this continues it could affect your future sex life. Better to get a hold on it now.

How do you feel about counseling? I can tell you that it did me a lot of good. Unlike you, my issues were because of things that happened when I was a child. I was molested from a very young age. I went the opposite way though. Instead of feeling guilt about sexual things, I dove right in, because I didn't care about myself or my body. It was already damaged, so why not let others damage it more.

Counseling helped a great deal, and it doesn't mean that you're crazy. In fact, most of the people I know have been to, or should be in, counseling. It can help you get to the root of why you feel the way you feel, and I can tell you that what you're feeling, it can have a negative affect on your future life, and I'd hate to see that happen to you.

Will you consider counseling?

[sandamaine357]

The thing is, knowing it's not wrong, but still feeling guilt for doing it, are two different things. You say you're okay with it, but obviously you're not, not 100%, otherwise you wouldn't have asked why you hate yourself after masturbating.

It doesn't make sense that this would be religious because you're not a practicing Catholic (go to church etc), but, I do believe that this is more religious then you think it is, only because of how often you mention God when you post. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it's great that you have a belief. I only worry if that belief is making you feel guilt about something that is perfectly natural.

So, having said that, I think that counseling is still your best bet, because, like Fr Chuck, I'm worried that if this continues it could affect your future sex life. Better to get a hold on it now.

How do you feel about counseling? I can tell you that it did me a lot of good. Unlike you, my issues were because of things that happened when I was a child. I was molested from a very young age. I went the opposite way though. Instead of feeling guilt about sexual things, I dove right in, because I didn't care about myself or my body. It was already damaged, so why not let others damage it more.

Counseling helped a great deal, and it doesn't mean that you're crazy. In fact, most of the people I know have been to, or should be in, counseling. It can help you get to the root of why you feel the way you feel, and I can tell you that what you're feeling, it can have a negative affect on your future life, and I'd hate to see that happen to you.

Will you consider counseling?

Awe well thank you for your concern, and I agree with what you said. It is totally 2 different things, and I'm okay with doing it until climax I suppose.. I'm not really ssure what climaxing should feel like for I barely have experience with that at all. Im in my first legit relationship now, for almost 2 months. I've been in others but never did more than almost make out. Now, with my current boyfriend, if you believe in young love, I'm sure I love him. Not in love like every new couple claims, I think that's annoying. But I have a lot of walls up for a lot of different raesons and some how he has gotten every one of them down. He is the first person I have ever felt comfortable kissing in public, telling them what I'm thinking, I'm a very shy girl, my point is is that he is the closet to me any boy has ever gotten. And he's also the first boy that I ever told my strong feelings to for I don't say things if I don't mean them. And he's the first guy I ever let touch me. First base, of course. And he doesn't pressure me into doing anything for him, he actrually tells me that I should never feel like I have to do that. He only wants to make me happy. He's really good to me. I let him 'upstairs' with kissing and touching but downstairs will take some time. I'm not that kind of girl. But I feel like I don't need conseling because when him and I are intense with each other and are.. agasint.. each other the first time ever, the other day, I felt the feelings you would as if I was masturbating.. it was different.. weird at first.. but felt good and ii didn't feel guilty at all. So I think ill be okay in my furture sex life. Sorry if TMI... and I'm sorry to hear that yovue gone through what you have. I haven't gone through that sort of deal, but I've gone through enough things to actually have been in concesling before so I'm not agasint it.. but from previous experiences,. I know my personality clashes with it. I'm very open minded to everything but if I feel like I fail at something I get angry and I like being the only one to really help myself.

Example:: I'm supppoesd to take depression anxiety medicine but I would never take it because I wanted to be able to be happy with out it. And cure myself. Which I underastnd isn't possible..

Off topic.


But thank you I feel better now and I hope you are doing well

[greentree30]

I have to disagree with everyone who says it's a religious thing. She explained that when she was younger she looked up some porn and wrote/drew about it in her diary and got caught. And that her mother told her that what she saw online was bad and masturbation etc is bad and is supposed to only be for adults. She was just being curious, not bad, but she got in trouble for it and was treated like she was doing something bad. She felt humiliated. So she still feels ashamed every time she masturbates. She knows logically that it's okay and natural to masturbate but subconsciously she feels ashamed about it because of the time she got caught and was told it is bad to do stuff like that.

Just because she said she hoped God could help her keep her promise from masturbating doesn't mean it's a religious thing. She just thought that might help her keep her promise, rather than just promising to herself.

I have a close friend that went through the same thing. It wasn't a religious thing but her mom drove it into her head that sex is bad, and basically made her feel like a slut if she enjoyed it. And my friend still deals with issues to this day and she's almost 30. My friend never masturbated and she didn't experience an orgasm till she was 18. And she STILL feels like she's doing something wrong sometimes and she is almost 30 (and married)! Although her feelings of shame have gotten a lot better since she's gotten married.

Sorry to go on, but when I was younger my mom caught me looking at my older brothers "dirty" magazines. And my mom didn't punish me or anything. She just asked why I was looking at them, and I honestly didn't know why, I was just curious. And that was it. She didn't make me feel bad for it at all. And eventually she told me about sex, and the way she told me was just really positive. She just kind of explained how it naturally occurs, how it might feel etc. I'm really thankful for how she told me. Parents really need to be careful how they teach kids about sexual stuff. It really sticks with you. Some parents just tell them that it's bad (to try to keep them safe from stds or unwanted pregnancy) but by telling them it's bad it can really mess with their heads!

Like other posters said, I would suggest getting some counseling about it. But also keep telling yourself that it is natural and it's honestly good for you. It's healthy physically and mentally (it lets out stress) to masturbate. And it's beautiful too! It is a beautiful thing to get to know and explore your own body and experience pleasure. I've been masturbating before I even knew what I was doing (probably since age 3).

Also, this could feel awkward but what if you brought it up with your mom now? Do you think she'd still tell you it's bad? If you have a good healthy relationship you could tell her that you felt humiliated when that happened when you were 7, and that it still makes you feel shame. And see what she says. If you brought it up now, maybe she'd act different.

To get straight to the point, you should allow yourself to masturbate and enjoy it the whole way through! Let yourself experience an orgasm for goodness sake!!

[smoothy]

If you can't do it without bringing God into it in some way shape or form... then religion already has a role in the situation...

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck.. and quacks like a duck... then it's a duck.

I'm not knocking religion... far from it... but you don't get to the root of a problem by avoiding it.

And the first step of dealing with a problem, any problem... is acknowledging it.

[greentree30]

Okay so maybe religion plays a role in it. But why isn't anyone acknowledging what happened with her mom catching her when she was younger and making her feel ashamed? Doesn't that play a role too!?

[smoothy]

Okay so maybe religion plays a role in it. But why isn't anyone acknowledging what happened with her mom catching her when she was younger and making her feel ashamed? Doesn't that play a role too!??

Cripes... who HASN'T been caught or nearly caught as a child? By either a sibling or parent? You don't pray to them about it? And if you did.. then that might be an issue but it isn't.

[greentree30]

Not every parent makes their child feel ashamed. Mine didn't. And every child is different, some children are a lot more sensitive than others.

There's plenty of people who pray to God occasionally, or try to "promise to God" something and aren't very religious at all. Me included. Maybe the reasoning her mom reacted that way was because of her mom's religious beliefs. But that doesn't mean she made her daughter feel like it had anything to do with religion. Does that make sense? I do get where you're coming from and I'm not saying religion could have nothing to do with it. Just that it really doesn't have to, and to me it doesn't sound like it. The OP said her parents never brought religion into it. Just that it was "bad" and "not nice" and "only for adults".

My friend was only treated to feel ashamed a few times but it stuck with her and still sticks with her today.

Obviously we aren't going to agree, so we should just drop it. Only a counselor can figure out 100% the cause of the problem.