[NervesFrayed]

I recently found out my boyfriend has a secret stash of dildos, panties, thigh highs, women's clothes and other various sexual "things" I'm uncertain if he uses them on himself or someone else and I'm uncertain how to begin the conversation... Any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

How did you find them, where you snooping around his apartment ?

But he may like dress up, he may even like to dress in women's clothes, this is not that uncommon as for as fethises go.

So if you were not trying to find things and just say them, ask him, you need to discover if what he likes is OK and will be agreeable to you.

[odinn7]

He may use them for himself... he probably does. First you need to decide if this bothers you. Does it? If it does, I can't really suggest how to get into this. If you're OK with it, you can do as Fr_Chuck suggested and maybe say that you saw them accidentally (if you have a good excuse as to why you saw them). You would use that to start up a conversation about this. Keep in mind though, he may be very embarrassed about this and might be hard to talk to. Don't be accusatory or mean about it and you may get further in the discussion.

[Lifeiscrap]

Ask him if wants you to treat him like a girl once in a while. If my wife would use a dildo on me that would be awesome. Try it out.

[smoothy]

I'm guessing its almost certain its for himself... unless you are totally repulsed by the idea... you might have some fun with it.

Bringing it up in a conversation?? That's a toughy... if you ever watch porn together... you can bring up the subject of strap-on or fem domination... or check some out yourself first... if you like it at all, it's a given he does... try saying you heard about something... checked out a video of it and mention its something you'd like to try sometime... and it might breach the subject in a manner that's not going to embarrass him or put him on the defensive by opening the door to the subject. And I guarantee you... pop that right out of the blue... and he is going to be embarrassed first... and ticked off you was snooping second... and its going to be an awkward and ugly scene.

[lowlowfroggy]

I agree with everyone, it is more than likely for himself... a fethise that really turns him on. But as for you to approach him... humm... ahhhh... I don't think that is a good idea. You finding out about something like that and you approaching him about it could end your relationship. NOT because he doesn't love you, because it is something that is private to him. Maybe in time he will tell you, but let him tell you at his time.

For a true example. I know someone who is a real gang member, he is married and has kids. But he likes to mess around sexually with guys. It kind of turns him on in a way that no other woman can. This might be the same for your boyfriend. The things you found may just be something he has been doing since he was a little boy. He has mastered what makes him feel good in a way that no other woman can.

So, don't approach him. That is a private situation that he has to work out in his own way. And as for you, does it bother you? Is it affecting his love for you? Does it ruin you day? No it doesn't. When it does, then maybe, if you truly love him, have that talk.

[JudyKayTee]

I agree with everyone, it is more than likely for himself...a fethise that really turns him on. But as for you to approach him...humm...ahhhh...i dont think that is a good idea. You finding out about something like that and you approaching him about it could end your realtionship. NOT because he doesnt love you, because it is something that is private to him. Maybe in time he will tell you, but let him tell you at his time.

For a true example. I know someone who is a real gang member, he is married and has kids. But he likes to mess around sexually with guys. It kind of turns him on in a way that no other woman can. This might be the same for your boyfriend. The things you found may just be something he has been doing since he was a little boy. He has mastered what makes him feel good in a way that no other woman can.

So, dont approach him. That is a private situation that he has to work out in his own way. And as for you, does it bother you? Is it affecting his love for you? does it ruin you day? No it doesnt. When it does, then maybe, if you truly love him, have that talk.

Sorry, folks, but I've got to disagree here. If the boyfriend is engaging in dangerous sexual practices that behavior places the OP and her health in danger. If the person who "likes to mess around sexually" discusses that behavior with his/her partner, fine. If it's a secret, not so fine.

This is a relationship. Snooping or not snooping this is not catching someone watching porn. This is someone very possibly endangering his - and her - health and future.

I'd ask - not accuse, not judge, just ask. Maybe the boyfriend will be relieved. Maybe not. Maybe he'll be truthful. Maybe not.

But now the OP knows the story, the risks, gets to decide what happens next.

It isn't a private situation when someone else's future MIGHT be endangered.

[smoothy]

Sorry, folks, but I've got to disagree here. If the boyfriend is engaging in dangerous sexual practices that behavior places the OP and her health in danger. If the person who "likes to mess around sexually" discusses that behavior with his/her partner, fine. If it's a secret, not so fine.

This is a relationship. Snooping or not snooping this is not catching someone watching porn. This is someone very possibly endangering his - and her - health and future.

I'd ask - not accuse, not judge, just ask. Maybe the boyfriend will be relieved. Maybe not. Maybe he'll be truthful. Maybe not.

But now the OP knows the story, the risks, gets to decide what happens next.

It isn't a private situation when someone else's future MIGHT be endangered.

No indications anyone else is involved here... most cross dressers are straight... and he likely uses the toys on himself...

However IF someone else was involved then I would agree. I just don't believe there is.

[JudyKayTee]

Agree Smoothy - but the only way to know is to ask. Cross dressing, I wouldn't ask. Dildo, I would.

[smoothy]

But if he's playing with another guy... what would he need a plastic wiener for? Just thinking out loud.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know - maybe they use it on each other. These are all sorts of things I don't want to think about.

[smoothy]

I don't know - maybe they use it on each other. These are all sorts of things I don't want to think about.

Just so you have nightmares tonight thnking about it... double insertions? Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

[JudyKayTee]

Yep, that will do it.

[cathy88]

It would appear your boyfriend has, "another side"?