[beckyd]

She is 20 yrs old and he is 19. He has just started a new job and already has had 2 cars repossed cars. He lives with his ill grandparents. He has to support himself. I am here for my daughter and have told her I will support her and her baby while she finishes college. She does not want to marry the boyfriend because he is very jealous and controlling. My question is what are his rights? I know he can't get custody without a DNA test, but what rights does he have if there are no papers or court rulings?

[kcomissiong]

One of our experts has said this very well so I'll quote them here: "a father has the exact same rights as a mother, he just has to go to court to exercise them." Should he choose to, he has the right to at least supervised visitation (unless you can prove in court that he is a danger to the child), and to have a part in decisions made for his child. He also should be paying child support. You cannot collect support without establishing paternity (at least in this situation).

Regardless of what you or your daughter think about it, he is the father. Who is it benefiting to keep his child away from him? What it will do is keep your daughter from collecting support, and prevent a child from even having a relationship with their father or his family. Please give your grandchild the opportunity to know who they are and who's they are.

[Synnen]

I love it when a guy is good enough to sleep with, good enough to get pregnant with, but not good enough to marry and commit to.

Nothing can really happen until the child is born.

He has the same rights she does, but has to go to court to enforce them. In addition, it is not to the child's best interest to cut the man completely out of the child's life.

AND--if your daughter doesn't go to court and establish custody and child support, then he can take the child legally and not give the child back, because he has EQUAL custody until custody is established through the courts.

In other words, your daughter should get a lawyer, go to court, establish paternity, get child support and custody established, and go from there.

[JudyKayTee]

Was he a financial loser, living with grandparents, jealous and controlling when she was sleeping with him?

At any rate, yes, when the baby is born she goes to Court, asks for support. He may or may not counter with a request for visitation and/or custody (joint or otherwise).

He's the father. He has rights. He will be awarded those rights and if he has the sense of a goat he will exercise them.

Once the baby is born I'd put your daughter on birth control.

[kcomissiong]

As always, your advice is right on point, and this one was epically funny!

[kcomissiong]

And I'm making up words today.

[beckyd]

My daughter told me last night that he tells her if he don't get the child as much as he wants that he will kill it. (She is only 7 weeks pregnant.)He tells her daily that he wants her to lose it but says something different to me. He sounds bipolar... She told him that she needs a break from him to calm down and think but he called 18 times in the last 6 hrs. He then showed up at the house after I told him to stop stressing her out. My daughter has lost a lot of sleep and he isn't helping matters by trying to talk her into marrying him... I just need to know what am I supposed to do to protect her and my future grandbaby...

[kcomissiong]

Synnen's answer still applies:

"In other words, your daughter should get a lawyer, go to court, establish paternity, get child support and custody established, and go from there"

If she is that afraid of him, the she needs to document his behavior with the police department and take steps to protect herself. Her not dating him would be a GREAT start.

Nothing can be done about the child until it is born.

[Synnen]

If she continues to date him, she's giving mixed signals about how she feels "threatened" by him.

Document ALL threats. If he threatens to kill anyone again, call the police. She needs to break up with him. She also needs to get a restraining order if he threatens her again.

Without ALL of this documentation when the child is born, it's not likely she will get full custody with him having only supervised visits. She needs to list ALL of it. She needs to report every text, every email, every harassing phone call.

As far as protecting your daughter--have that long overdue talk about how sex = babies and that you shouldn't have sex with anyone you don't want to spend the REST of your life linked to, because that's what a child will do--link you to that person forever. A good talk about birth control is worth it, too, as well as some counseling so that she doesn't date guys like this in the future.

[JudyKayTee]

She needs a break from him? She's still DATING him? She needs to report his behavior to the Police and get a restraining order.

She also needs to stay away from him.

You can't make this decision for her. SHE has to decide whether she wants to remain "dating" this guy... or break away. You can do very little at this point.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, why is she still with him ? Esp after threatening to Kill a baby?

But she cuts off all contact with him, have the child, files for child support and then look to see if he tries to file for any visits and the such.

[JoshNichols]

A guy like that should not be around your daughter or grandchild. If she hasn't already, get rid of him. This just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Like everyone else has said, once the baby is born you can go to court and file for full custody, which will fall in your favor if you present records of all the threats and so on.
This guy is trouble! My girlfriend is seven months pregnant and we're both only 20. When I found out I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but one thing is for sure, I never, not once, thought of hurting my partner or unborn child, let alone threatened them.

Do your daughter a favor and try to convince her to stay away from him, but in the end it will be her decision