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Marlebron · May 21, 2012, 07:20 PM

Me and my husband live in NJ and my sister lives in NY. My husband wants to give the baby his last name. How can we begin this process? What steps do we have to take to make this happen?

smoothy · May 21, 2012, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by Marlebron

Me and my husband live in NJ and my sister lives in NY. My husband wants to give the baby his last name. How can we begin this process? What steps do we have to take to make this happen?

First you are going to have to have the babies father on board with this...

Fr_Chuck · May 21, 2012, 07:41 PM

You hire an attorney, the babies mother and father will sign over to allow the adoption.

Now I do ask, NJ does not have a common law marriage law. So you can not become common law married in NJ. If you lived in another state that does have common law, and latter move to NJ, they will honor your common law marriage there from another state.

So they may require a actual marriage license unless you have meet the requirements of getting common law status in another state.

Synnen · May 21, 2012, 08:23 PM

I don't believe that common-law marriage is sufficient for adoption in any state anymore. It costs a minimal amount of money to get married at the courthouse, and the ability to get married is available to everyone these days. Common-law marriage was for those who did not live near or have transportation to a priest or a judge in order to have the marriage made official.

NOW--what you do is get your sister into counseling. I'm betting she has NO idea what she would be giving up with adoption, and since you'd be benefiting from it, you're not in a good position to counsel her. She needs someone to talk with her about her options and about what is best for her and her baby without pressuring her (you have NO idea how much pressure you can exert without even saying a word) to make a decision that someone else likes best. There are counselors that specialize in adoption--get her in to see one of them. She could also benefit from meeting with a counselor from a birth mother support group--I know that Lutheran Social Services generally has local chapters of support groups. Planned Parenthood can also refer her to a local counselor or support group.

Private adoptions generally require the adopting parents to hire an attorney for themselves, an attorney for the birth parents--BOTH birthparents, not just the mother--and a guardian ad litem for the baby.

Marlebron · May 22, 2012, 05:11 AM

My sister was abandoned by her the baby father. He went to Dominican republic. She is alone in giving up her baby. She can't afford to take care of the baby. She has 3 other kids that depend on her. She knows what sacrifice she is making by giving me and my live in boyfriend of 11 yrs and we have a 8 yr old daughter, her baby, my nephew. Can my boyfriend give the baby his last name?

Synnen · May 22, 2012, 05:22 AM

Your SISTER can name the baby anything she wants to.

You need a lawyer--your sister can't just hand the baby over to you and that's the end of it. There have to be legal proceedings that officially establish you as the legal parents.

And most states DO require marriage before you can adopt. If you're not willing to commit to each other LEGALLY, then why should a court award you with an adoption that requires a legal commitment from BOTH of you for LIFE?

J_9 · May 22, 2012, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by Marlebron

Can my boyfriend give the baby his last name?

In order to do that you will need to be married (legally) for approximately one year. A court will not grant adoption to people who are not legally committed to one another.

J_9 · May 22, 2012, 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Your SISTER can name the baby anything she wants to.

I have recently learned that it doesn't work that way. The last name is a legal name and will be given the mother's name if there is not a father that signs the Affidavit of Paternity in the absence of marriage.

Marlebron · May 22, 2012, 05:58 AM

My sister can't afford to take care of the baby. Will the courts allow her to give her parental rights to me or guardianship?
Also my boyfriend wants to give the baby his last name and be responsible for the baby as his own. Can he do that?

AK lawyer · May 22, 2012, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by Marlebron

... Will the courts allow her to give her parental rights to me or guardianship? ...

You figure you can't afford to do it right, as previously suggested, so you want to figure out a cheaper solution? Going to court still costs money.

But since you ask, her assigning her parental rights to you doesn't necessairily requrie going to court. Of course, however, what she gives she can take away.

Originally Posted by Marlebron

...Also my boyfriend wants to give the baby his last name and be responsible for the baby as his own. Can he do that?

That would be, in effect, adoption.

What parts of the previous answers can't you understand?

Fr_Chuck · May 22, 2012, 08:53 AM

No your boyfriend can not adopt, you did not show any evidence there is a common law marriage, ( can't be done in your state)

So for adoption you will have to be actually married and be married for a year.
During the adoption the babies name can be changed. But not till then.

For adoption, attempts will have to be made ( according to court rules) to locate the bio father to allow him to exercise his rights. OR sign over his rights.

You may more easier be given guardianship ( you , not the boyfriend) but you will still need an attorney and go though court)

None of this can be done without attorneys and being in court.