[Bonniew16]

I am 17 and my sister is 14. Two years ago me and my family emergrated from the UK to Australia. Ever since the move, my sister has become very angry. For example, she screams and shouts, swears at me and my parents, destroys things and has also chased me around the house with a meat knife and cornered my parents with knives.

She used to get bullied at school when we first moved over here, and I as her older sister looked after her and stood up to any bullies. But she was very unhappy. We lived in a very rural area, 18km out of town and my dad's family (part of the reason why we emergrated) did not have a care for myself, sister or mother; they we only interested in seeing their 'long lost' brother. My dad after 2 months of us living in Australia, needed to start interstate truck driving for work, leaving me, mum and my sister alone for 4-5 days a week. After 5 months my mothers business had not been successful and with a lot of arguments my mum purswaded my dad that we should move to the GoldCoast.

We moved and my sister made lots of new friends, she seemed happy. Mum got a job in Brisbane, but unfortunatelty my dad still had to interstate truck drive for work. It was really then that my sister would come home and not do chores, start to shout at me for no apparent reason and started swearing, a lot. Mum would come home, tired from a 11 hour day, to an argument which my sister would commence. Leonie (sister) was never happy, ever. Nothing was ever good enough. She said my mum betrayed her by bringing the family over here, but she never even gave the family a chance for us to settle and make things work.

On weekends; dad comes home from five days driving to arguments between my mum and sister or myself and my sister. She tells me I've failed as a sister because I have not protected her? The arguemnts are not just a 10 minute argument. I am talking 1-4 hours of screaming, swearing and cursing; the neighbours once commented to me (not knowing I was their neigbour) how much they heard my sister and how discrasful it was. When you tell Leonie to keep her tone down, she gets louder and swears more. She then started smashing glasses, plates, pots, anything! She told my parents numerous times she would rather be in care than with us! This girl has everything! An Iphone, Laptop, Internet, Ipod, money, and most importantly a loving and supportive family.

About a year ago was the first time Leonie pulled a knife. It was just me and her home alone, and we had an argument. I told her if she didn't stop swearing at me, I would smack her in the mouth so she couldn't swear no more. She then grabbed the meat knife, and chased me into my bedroom, where I slammed the door, terrified for my life! The second time she pulled it on my mum, to which my dad grabbed her wrist and prised the knife out of her hand, it left a bruise on his thumb how hard he was pushing on her wrist as she would not let go. The third time; dad was in her room. He had bought her a new desk and was assembelling it. Leonie decided she didn't want him in her room, even though he was nearly finished and had spent an hour already putting it all together. She started screaming 'Get the f*** out of my room!' after twenty minutes of ignoring her and simply saying calmly the first time 'No I am nearly finished, please wait half an hour.' my dad got up, took leonie by the arm and walked her out the room. To which she then said 'Right'. She stormed into the kitchen and pulled out a bread knife; to this I screamed 'Dad, she had a knife! Run!'. She then cornered my dad and said 'Now you B******, get the f*** out of my room!' My dad saw red and admittedly he charged at her and my mum grabbed the knife off leonie, then my dad smacked her repeatly on her shoulders, with open fists. After 10 thumps she slumped to the floor and my dad went out to the garden in tears. Mum chucked her out of the house for the day and cried.

A week after, my sister went to her counselor and told her my parents beat her all the time and they called her names etc. It is not true! I live under the same roof and if anything it is my parents who are the victims! The counselor then told my mother 'I am sending Leonie to a 'Safe House.' She is obviously not safe in the family home. I hope realise Mrs Watts, swearing even if not directly at Leonie, comes under the umbrella of domestic violence!'

With that Leonie was taken to the 'Safe House'. It was more like a holiday for my sister! My parents were distraught! The counselor basically called them bad parents! And why is my dad a bad parent?? Because he defended himself and me/mum from a blade leonie threatened us with?!

When leonie came back home two weeks later, my parents stopped the counselor as she was making things worse, not better!

Leonie now is an aggressive person and lashes out at me when we argue. Not with a blade, but with her fists. She is 110kg and 6'1 foot. I've had bruises from her punches and she had even hit me with a dirty wooden spoon and sauce pan in a fiery argument.

A lot of Leonies anger is aimed at my mum though. It is a daily occurrence for leonie to come out of her room and abuse my mum. She says tings like 'Your a bad mother, I nhate you! F*** off!'
Leonie twists arguments. For example.
Leonie gets paid once a week for doing simple chores. The agreement was, leonie would get paid after the chores were done. But because my mum didn't speciffically say 'I will pay you within 1-2 days of you completing your chores.' Leonie then in a angrument said 'I have done my chores 20 minutes ago! So where is my f***ing money?? '
Yet Leonie knew full well she would get her money on the weekend if her chores were completed on Friday. She is an intelligent girl but uses lack of common sense in her arguments and exclaims 'Well where's my f***ing crystal ball?! '

Now after two years of daily arguments, numerous counselors inclusing family counselors, school involvement, youth programmes and family discussions including leonie; I am at my witts end! I am just out of it all! But I really do fear when she argues with my mum for our safety. She is so unpredictable! Like I said my dad is away 5 days a week, so there is no strong man to protect my mum or myself. It's really scary and we are constantly walking on egg shells!

I am not a perfect child, far from it. I have my arguments with Leonie, mum and dad all separately. But I have never ever ever sworn at my parents or been aggessive towards them! I literally would not dare because if Leonie had of been me and done what she's done, I would have hit the deck numerous times! I have my own problems with school, but the whole family is so engulfed with Leonie I don't feel I can share or add more problems to the family.

I feel so scared for our safety, but mostly my mums!

I hate thinking how my mums feels, because I can't image how hurt she is emotionally from Leonie. My mum admittedly had thought of suicide about a year ago, but has not mentioned it since.

What can I do?!
Any advice is welcome. Please excuse my bad spelling and grammar. Hopefully it is clear enough for you to read.

[hio1]

Hey
I have a 14yr old sister too! She also swears continuously! She has called me the b word and f word so many times, I've lost count! I am the younger sister though! I am about a year or 2 younger than her, but my brother is the same age as her. My sister has also said she would be (f wording) better in a home. She has never been in one though.

It is not as if we have moved or changed anything about our home! She is also very aggressive! She has hit us, but never pulled a knife. I really hope she never does! My Mum and Dad are always being hit and kicked. When I also get hit, my big brother (also 14) helps to protect me. He tries to protect Mum and Dad too, but my sister is more aggressive towards them. The thing is, my sister is not angry all the time. She has these major mood swings! For example: We can be having a really good time applying make up together or making a cake or something and suddenly she will accusing me of something. Then she will storm of swearing or hit me and leave me to clean up after her (do the washing when it happens while cooking etc).

But Mum has tried counseling too! Dad and her used to visit a lady at night as they used to think they were bad parents. When they tried to get my sister to talk to the lady, she just swore and refused! My poor Mum thinks it is her fault! My sister also tells her friends these twisted lies about made up fights she has. For example: She told her friends that Mum is abusive to her and swears at her all the time! Of course her friends believe her, so they look at my Mum funny if they come over. I feel so sorry for my Mum, she's tried her best!

Earlier on Mum used to blame my brother and I for starting the fight (they go for 30-60 mins). And when my sister does get in trouble, she starts to cry and therefore, gets away with it again! Lately she has taken to saying Mum and Dad favour me (because I am their 'little f wording baby'). But she is their favourite (if they even have one). You see, she got 2 tickets to the 1D concert and can take a friend! Mum and Dad then said my brother and I were 'unsupportive' so we can NEVER go to a concert while living with them.

I really do not know what you can do about your sister because she is so abusive! And all that lying about your parent abusing her will not help. As you are 17 though, you can always move out. But your parents should maybe get a different councillor and visit themselves. This way they can worn about her lying and then they can't say your parents were abusing her because YOUR PARENTS arranged for the councillor! By the way, your parents are like Allison Baden-Clay's husband! Accused by the community with no PROOF! Hope this helps you! If you find a solution, please tell me! It could help my family too!

Thanks ;)

[Alty]

This is tough.

It's a sad world where everything a child says is instantly believed to be true, especially when that child is lying about abuse, which many children actually suffer from.

The fact is, when a child cries wolf, the powers that be have to listen. Because it may be true. What if a child said "my parents are beating me", and they didn't listen, thought it was a lie?

You sister should be ashamed of herself. According to you (I say that because we're only getting your side of the story, and there are usually many sides to the story), she's claiming abuse when there isn't abuse. Because of her, the next child, who is actually being abused, may not be heard. Shame on her.

There's really nothing you can do. I wish there was. The only power you have is to stand by your parents, tell anyone that's in a position of authority, that you have never witnessed any abuse from your parents to your sister. Hopefully they'll investigate, find out your sister is a liar, and vindicate your parents.

You have a voice, and you can give that voice to your parents.

As for your sister, I hope that when all is said and done she gets the help she obviously needs. Lying about something like this is indicative of deeper issues. Right now I'd say she's a horrible person, but there may be something more going on then just being 14 and , as a result, only thinking about herself. She obviously has issues, and she needs help if she's ever going to be a decent human being.

I wish there was more we could do for your family, but all we can really do is sympathize.

I wish you the best of luck, and I can offer this advice. Don't let your sisters idiocy affect you, and the relationship you have with your parents. Be who you are, despite your sister. Hopefully it will all work out. :)

[hio1]

Good point Alty! I only joined this site to answer this question! I like your tips! I really hope the girl who asked this looks back at this and uses your advice!! :)

[Alty]

Good point Alty! I only joined this site to answer this question! I like your tips!! I really hope the girl who asked this looks back at this and uses your advice!!! :)

Well now you're making me blush. Thank you for the compliment.

I have to say, my "tips" aren't always well received. I'm not one to sugar coat things, and when I believe in something I fight for it. So you either love me or hate me, but there's usually no grey area. ;)

I hope the OP (original poster) comes back too, if only just to talk, vent, and have a voice in what's going on. Sadly, there's really not anything we can do to help her situation other then lend an ear for her.

That's reality though. Not every question can be answered. Sometimes all you can do is sympathize.

Hope you stick around. There are tons of questions that come in every day. We're all just people that came to ask or answer one question, and we stayed. That's what makes this site. Volunteers, people that chose to stay, so stick around. It can get interesting, and there's never a dull moment. ;)

[Fr_Chuck]

I see errors in parents or older sister not calling the police and doing more when a knife is involved, at that point someone often gets killed, them or her or other sister.

So yes since they have not been calling the police and doing any report, or getting forced counseling, they will now most likely believe her, and no telling what else she may decide to tell about them. And in the future she will be believed more easier than they will.

Has the older sister talked to the authorities about the knives and the danger she is.

Next the parents were wrong in that once the knife was gone, they should not have continued to hit the child, that is where the abuse starts, they call police and authorities, not beat them.

[Alty]

I see errors in parents or older sister not calling the police and doing more when a knife is involved, at that point someone often gets killed, them or her or other sister.

So yes since they have not been calling the police and doing any report, or getting forced counseling, they will now most likely believe her, and no telling what else she may decide to tell about them. And in the future she will be believed more easier than they will.

Has the older sister talked to the authorities about the knifes and the danger she is.

next the parents were wrong in that once the knife was gone, they should not have continued to hit the child, that is where the abuse starts, they call police and authorities, not beat them.

Chuck, did I miss this? I don't see any mention of the parents hitting the child. I do see mention of the 14 year old child pulling a knife on her family, but I saw no mention of actual abuse, only mention of the 14 year old claiming abuse.

I may have missed it, but I read it a few times after you posted, and I'm not seeing it. So if you could point it out, that would be a big help. :)

[FirstChair]

I'm not a medical person other than being a certified nurse aide, working with developmentally disabled persons and hospice care attendant. Safety is important for all of you and anyone. Lock all knives and sharp objects up. Video tape her violence and voice record her threats, if possible. Call police every time she is abusive or makes threats, day or night. Do not slap, punch, strike with object, kick or physically punish her in anyway. Do not yell, argue or scream, try to keep calm. Call police if need be and you should all try, if able, to prevent her from being detrimental to your safety or her safety, such as acting out by physically harming herself or anyone else. You are doing this for her protection and your protection no matter how much she might protest. If your parents suspect drug or alcohol use there are home test she can be given or have a medical person test her. It appears she might need to be evaluated by medical professionals and might need to be on medication indefinitely or until stable. I think a good vitamin and mineral supplement could help and eating a daily health diet. If she isn't exercising I would encourage her too, it can help with depression and other medical issues. There is a disorder called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and I would suggest your parents have her evaluated for this and also attention deficient hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, mood disorder or depression. I hope you would share all the advice here in this AMHD forum with your parents and remember to try and stay calm when others are not. Try to find an activity or two you and your sister both enjoy and spend sister-to-sister fun times together, when she is willing. Tell her you love her and are concerned, maybe she will open up and share things that might be disturbing her that are happening or did happen to her. Don't give up on her as her actions might be a cry for help. Below is a link that might be helpful. I think I can post links here, but if not I hope someone will inform me. Take care…

How to Deal with a Teen Who Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder:

How to Deal with a Teen Who Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder | eHow.com

[hio1]

Next the parents were wrong in that once the knife was gone, they should not have continued to hit the child, that is where the abuse starts, they call police and authorities, not beat them.[/QUOTE]

I also do not see the part that says the parents beet the child? Please comment and clarify this for us!

:)

[hio1]

I meant beat! Sorry!