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Obanite331 · Mar 31, 2012, 06:36 PM

At college and met this really kind, pretty girl a few months ago. Whenever I pass her she gives me a lovely big smile and once I met her in a club, put my hand round her waist and she gave me a big hug back. There's been lots of other things that made me strongly suspect she liked me so ultimately I had enough confidence to ask her out. Unfortunately, though she clearly wanted to stay in touch and was very nice and apologetic, turns out she has a boyfriend, probably all along. I'm confused, she's 'single' according to Facebook and why act all flirtatious if she was taken?

talaniman · Mar 31, 2012, 11:26 PM

Flirtatious doesn't mean she wants to cheat on her boyfriend. Maybe that's her way of being friendly. You just can never know, but you do know what you take as encouraging signals may not be what you think.

Rain909 · Apr 1, 2012, 11:26 AM

Maybe she doesn't have a boyfriend but she likes someone else and knows she might have a chance with that person, but don't give up she may come back

Obanite331 · Apr 1, 2012, 02:14 PM

Well, she must be a very friendly person with everyone if your theory's right! I will look around, but I'm going to stay close friends with her as well.

Obanite331 · Apr 25, 2012, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Flirtatious doesn't mean she wants to cheat on her boyfriend. Maybe thats her way of being friendly. You just can never know, but you do know what you take as encouraging signals may not be what you think.

Well, my gut told me otherwise and there were a few signs I got that I couldn't quite explain that had alarm bells ringing and they do say it's the small things that are often the most significant... However, obviously the ball is in her court now and I am trying to look around, although that may take a while since I'm probably not going to meet many girls long enough to get to know them for a while... You must understand that while your advice is quite right it may occasionally be more complex in real life.

mmresd · Apr 25, 2012, 11:36 AM

It doesn't matter, you need to respect the relationship and leave her alone.

Obanite331 · Apr 25, 2012, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

It doesn't matter, you need to respect the relationship and leave her alone.

Leave her alone? And I never said I didn't respect the relationship. I was just pointing out that things aren't always so straightforward and won't change overnight in either direction.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2012, 02:58 PM

Trust me, the facts will outweigh the feelings.

Obanite331 · Apr 25, 2012, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Trust me, the facts will outweigh the feelings.

Well, I hope someone better comes along soon then if that's the case, from my past experiences that's the only way I can ever truly move on.

Originally Posted by Rain909

Maybe she dosnt have a boyfriend but she likes someone else and knows she might have a chance with that person, but don't give up she may come back

I think she does have a boyfriend though, I don't think she'd lie to me. I guess there are so many possible answers to this - what my gut and brain are saying is much the same but you will always get people who perfectly reasonably suggest it just isn't worth the hassle and that you move on immediately.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2012, 03:37 PM

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

Obanite331 · Apr 25, 2012, 03:43 PM

I don't think my life is bad, I have a good social life and a few hobbies that I take seriously.. but perhaps having never had a girlfriend before it makes me want one more than a lot of other people. My life is fairly complete but the fact I don't have a girlfriend does I admit leave a gap that I notice more and more as I get older, I hope that doesn't sound too bad.

Obanite331 · Apr 25, 2012, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its always been my experience that the easiest way to move on is to always have a life that you already are happy with. Then you are never dependent on having a female to be happy with yourself. That what keeps you from being stuck rather easily, attached really fast, or give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it, or knows what to do with it.

You will always have your own thing to so, and be very careful who you share it with. You will never fall for BS because you are lonely, or bored, or just plain alone. You will be very able to remove yourself from bad situations, and adjust to whatever reality throws at you.

I don't think my life is bad, I have a good social life and a few hobbies that I take seriously.. but perhaps having never had a girlfriend before it makes me want one more than a lot of other people. My life is fairly complete but the fact I don't have a girlfriend does I admit leave a gap that I notice more and more as I get older, I hope that doesn't sound too bad.

Obanite331 · Sep 11, 2012, 02:07 PM

Hey, the girl at college I asked about a while back again (see my previous q from my profile) Well, I never managed to ask her number (I think she'd give it, I honestly just forgot!) so we've kind of lost touch completely over the summer months, particularly given she doesn't use Facebook much either. When I asked her out, she said she had a boyfriend. Kind of annoying to think that I had kind of dug myself into a hole that could have been avoided had I previously known that but nevertheless I remained convinced she liked me. However I felt it would be wise to look out for other girls over the holidays while at work etc. Well no one has stood out but I do at least have my friends I guess. Anyway, in short, given the above, should I try to contact her again? Is it possible, after all, that neither of us know what the other is thinking anymore?

JudyKayTee · Sep 11, 2012, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by Obanite331

Hey, the girl at college I asked about a while back again (see my previous q from my profile) Well, I never managed to ask her number (I think she'd give it, I honestly just forgot!) so we've kind of lost touch completely over the summer months, particularly given she doesn't use Facebook much either. When I asked her out, she said she had a boyfriend. Kind of annoying to think that I had kind of dug myself into a hole that could have been avoided had I previously known that but nevertheless I remained convinced she liked me. However I felt it would be wise to look out for other girls over the holidays while at work etc. Well no one has stood out but I do at least have my friends I guess. Anyway, in short, given the above, should I try to contact her again? Is it possible, after all, that neither of us know what the other is thinking anymore?

Please don't keep opening new threads on the same subject.

If you were her boyfriend would you want someone to continue to contact her despite knowing you were in her life?

Act accordingly.

Obanite331 · Sep 11, 2012, 11:21 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Please don't keep opening new threads on the same subject.

If you were her boyfriend would you want someone to continue to contact
her despite knowing you were in her life?

Act accordingly.

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait until the next chance meeting I guess.

JudyKayTee · Sep 12, 2012, 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by Obanite331

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait til the next chance meeting I guess.

I wouldn't worry about tearing them apart -

C0bra_M3nace · Sep 12, 2012, 06:15 AM

Originally Posted by Obanite331

No, but if I was I'd make it clear I was so other people didn't. I just mean contact as friends anyway, I don't want to be a and force them apart. Might just wait til the next chance meeting I guess.

Putting your life on hold and waiting for someone to end their relationship is just as stupid as trying to pursue someone in a relationship.

Stop kidding yourself and move on with your life. If the opportunity presents itself great but why sit around and wait for it.

talaniman · Sep 12, 2012, 12:17 PM

Leave her alone and get your own girl for love, romance, friendship, or whatever.

Obanite331 · Sep 12, 2012, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave her alone and get your own girl for love, romance, friendship, or whatever.

Sure, 'talaniman', I shall just pop down to the shops later and 'get' one.

Ah, maybe the problem is I'm overanalysing this too much. Maybe I'm destined to live alone. ;)

Obanite331 · Sep 12, 2012, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I wouldn't worry about tearing them apart -

That's quite an oblique answer, though given what I know about this site now it doesn't surprise me. Am I not to worry because you think the scenario of me tearing them apart couldn't happen or because if it did, it would maybe be for the best?