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advocate46 · Mar 6, 2012, 09:35 PM

I have just found out that my dad has metastatic cancer. His wife (don't even think about calling her my stepmom!) is the person who broke up my parents marriage, and she has always been hateful and vindictive towards me. I phoned her yesterday and asked if we could please "bury the hatchet" and focus just on my dad. Her reply was to tell me that if I attempted to come on their property and see him, then she would have me arrested. My dad is aware of this, yet refuses to stand up to her. Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this. What, if any, are my legal rights to see my dad when he is no longer able to secretly meet me at a restaurant as we have done up until now. Please help!

Fr_Chuck · Mar 6, 2012, 09:52 PM

You dad has to allow you to come see him, as long as he is agreeing with his wife, you would be arrested if you went on their property.

Is there a time she is gone to work or store or church where he is home alone?

AK lawyer · Mar 7, 2012, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You dad has to allow you to come see him, as long as he is agreeing with his wife, you would be arrested if you went on their property.
...

I think what Fr_Chuck is trying to say is that, if the dad(as well as his wife) actually doesn't want OP on the property, and if this is communicated to OP, coming on the property anyway may be grounds for arrest.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 7, 2012, 06:24 AM

Yes, Dad has to stand up for his self, if he just lets his wife do what she wants, then you can't visit. You have no legal rights to force a visit.

advocate46 · Mar 7, 2012, 07:02 AM

Thank you for your input. My dad would like to be able to see me, but he is afraid of the backlash he would get if he stood up to her. Maybe he can have a legal document prepared that states that I am allowed on the property to visit him when he is no longer able to speak for himself?? Has anyone heard of this type of document?

In reply to Fr. Chuck's question... this woman would never step foot in a church. She is not a believer.

dolphingirl789 · Jun 25, 2012, 12:21 PM

My dad has terminal cancer too, my step mother has told me I can't visit him at his home because he won't stand up to her, he's too weak and we've met in secret in restaurants and I'm thinking of going to a solicitor too.

JudyKayTee · Jun 25, 2012, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by dolphingirl789

My dad has terminal cancer too, my step mother has told me I can't visit him at his home because he won't stand up to her, he's too weak and we've met in secret in restaurants and I'm thinking of going to a solicitor too.

Where?

AK lawyer · Jun 25, 2012, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Where?

At the solicitor's office maybe?

dolphingirl789 · Jun 25, 2012, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

At the solicitor's office maybe?

Yes. If my solicitor writes to his solicitor a letter about what my wishes are, to visit him reagardless of what my stepmum says and he will reply with a yes I will have a right or no I won't. Because without consent I have tried to visit and then she rages at him and he will tell me to go to keep the peace. I need a document to say I can be there, i.e. written consent from my father whilst he is still able to make decisions for himself.

JudyKayTee · Jun 25, 2012, 01:27 PM

I'm a stepmother without this type of problem - thank goodness - but I am sensitive to step parent problems.

If the two solicitors can reach an agreement about visiting, that's good, but if your stepmother rages at him now, what will happen when she's told he has given you written permission to visit him in "her" home?

You also have to consider if you can visit if he's hospitalized. It is possible that she will control who visits and when.

You are in the UK and I am in the US so it might be different.

I'll be curious to learn the steps you have to take.

Not a stepchild but when my late husband was in Intensive Care one of his nieces came in, crying and carrying on, praying over him, upset him greatly and I banned her from the hospital room. I would guess if your stepmother said/thought you were causing a problem she could do the same.

(Great question, by the way)

dolphingirl789 · Jun 25, 2012, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm a stepmother without this type of problem - thank goodness - but I am sensitive to step parent problems.

If the two solicitors can reach an agreement about visiting, that's good, but if your stepmother rages at him now, what will happen when she's told he has given you written permission to visit him in "her" home?

You also have to consider if you can visit if he's hospitalized. It is possible that she will control who visits and when.

You are in the UK and I am in the US so it might be different.

I'll be curious to learn the steps you have to take.

Not a stepchild but when my late husband was in Intensive Care one of his nieces came in, crying and carrying on, praying over him, upset him greatly and I banned her from the hospital room. I would guess if your stepmother said/thought you were causing a problem she could do the same.

(Great question, by the way)

hi thanks for your post. Yes she could rage and make it difficult for me seeing him in hospital as well, but this is unlikely if he makes a decision in favour of me being there, as she'll see this is about asking him what end of life care he wants, not about her. Up until now she has made all the decisions for him and who he sees, but that was when he was getting about reasonably OK and the treatment was working. Now he needs to choose, seeing me or allowing her to decide how he lives the end of his life. I've got to be brave and ask the big question to him, even if its no. Anyway thanks for your comment, it is a good comment