[ra42890]

Hello! First, some background information: I am a gay 21 year old male in a relationship with another 21 year old male. We have been together for about 5 years now (since high school). My partner has NEVER been a very sexual person. Normally, we are having sex about 3 times per month. I am a very sexual person and I would prefer to do it more often, however, 3 times a month was satisfying for me. I do have to throw in the fact that he does not have a thyroid. He lost it to thyroid cancer about 3 years ago. I know that the thyroid does have something to do with mood so I am not sure if it can affect your sex drive. I am not the MOST attractive guy in the world, but I like to think I am decent looking.

Now, on to the real story. About 6 months ago, my boyfriend met a guy named Lucas. Now, Lucas is gorgeous. (Tall, blonde, ice blue eyes, perfect skin, nice body.) My boy and Lucas started being friends and I started being friends with Lucas, too. Then, Lucas started texting my boyfriend all the time. Now, I am a very trusting person and I let him text my boyfriend with no problems. I hate prying, so I never went through Adrian's (my boyfriend) phone. They started getting so close that they started hanging out and I would let Adrian go over. It started to become a nightly thing: Adrian would go over to Lucas' house and stay until 4am.

I know this all just sounds horrible and it get worse. I broke down and could not take the not knowing anymore. So, I went through Adrian and Lucas' Facebook history. Inside, I found a conversation where Lucas told Adrian that he wanted to "Kiss away his sadness." And he was asking Adrian to send him nude pictures. During the conversation, Adrian never did say anything like that BACK to Lucas and he never sent him any pictures.

Anyway, Lucas moved away and no longer lives here, but they still text CONSTANTLY.

Okay, so everything sounds awful I know. Every part of our relationship has been really great. I have talked to him about Lucas and he swears on everything that he and Lucas were never romantically involved. He swears that he never had any feelings for Lucas. He tells me he loves me and would never hurt me. And I believe him... BUT...

We haven't had sex in 3 months now. I ask him about it and he just says he is never in the mood. He says "You know how I am. I'm not a sexual person." I try almost every night, I put on some cute boxers, I give him the most amazing massage and I try to feel him up. He will turn on to his stomach so that I can't do that anymore. I just don't know what to do, I ask him about it and he won't give me answers.

I know a lot of you are going to say "Ditch him! Break up with him!" But I just love him very much and I know he loves me, too... We really have something special and I don't want to break up with him...

[tirose6667]

I would suggest talking to your boyfriend about it first and foremost. And by that I mean telling him something along the lines of "Hey I know you're not a sexual person, but I am. How can we compromise?" Demand a compromise that works for your relationship, but obviously never demand sex. Let him know that you miss having sex. As your partner, he should take your feelings into consideration.
As for the other guy (Lucus) all I can say is to be trusting, but not oblivious. From what Lucus said over the computer, it sounds like there could all have been some sort of flirting going on. Does that meam your boyfriend was flirting back? Not necessarily. But he should have broke off contact with Lucus, or at least informed you of the fact that Lucus was trying to flirt with him.
In the mean time, pay attention to your boyfriend's signals to you. Does he act different towards you then he did before?

[JudyKayTee]

I would suggest talking to your boyfriend about it first and foremost. And by that I mean telling him something along the lines of "Hey I know you're not a sexual person, but I am. How can we compromise?" Demand a compromise that works for your relationship, but obviously never demand sex. Let him know that you miss having sex. As your partner, he should take your feelings into consideration.
As for the other guy (Lucus) all I can say is to be trusting, but not oblivious. From what Lucus said over the computer, it sounds like there could all have been some sort of flirting going on. Does that meam your boyfriend was flirting back? Not neccesarily. But he should have broke off contact with Lucus, or at least informed you of the fact that Lucus was trying to flirt with him.
In the mean time, pay attention to your boyfriend's signals to you. Does he act different towards you then he did before?

I think the boyfriend IS a sexual person - just not with the OP. I don't know that the situation and advice would be different if everybody were straight.

Same advice always - you're in a relationship. Ask him. Don't confront him - ask him. Tell him what you want and need. Either live with the answer or walk out with the answer.

Comes down to basic communication.

I think the OP's version of a special relationship is not the same as his boyfriend's. What's amazing if you have to walk around in sexy underwear to entice your partner - and the person avoids being touched? What's special if you have to go on a public Internet board and ask strangers for advice? Something is missing in this relationship.

This is one sided.