[no_loafing]

I have been married for 5 months now, but dated my wife for 6 years. We both kept ourselves completely pure before marriage, and though I struggled with pornography in middle school and early high school before I met her, I never had any problems through college or in Grad school. Now that we're married, she is not trusting me at all. I have given her no reason to distrust, and she will even admit that I have given her no reason. She just cites, "Well, too many good people have the problem." It wouldn't be such a big deal, except that now, if she goes to bed, I have to go with her, even if I have a big research project. I can't sit at my desk in my office, but have to sit in bed while she sleeps which is a huge inconvenience as I typically end up just sacrificing my project and sleeping.

I have no idea why she feels this way. It may be because her own mother had an affair on her dad, and there was other cheating going on in her family, but my family has never had the problem, and I have never given her reason to distrust. Please help me to understand: 1. Why this is a problem? 2. If I'm the only one experiencing this? And 3. How to fix it?

Thanks!

[bigNavySeal]

Funny that she's making a fuzz over pornography. I sometimes watch it (I don't consider it "a problem"), and my girlfriend (2 years together) is completely fine with it. She too, has trust issues in her family, and not too long after we started our relationship I had a really tough time with her after her brother cheated on his girlfriend; Quite obviously however cheating is of a completely different caliber than watching pornography. Even she should know that and my advice is to talk it over with her.

So there you have it, she thinks for even 'normal men' it is a problem, then you give me as an example, but even then you don't watch it; so what's her point. Not only is she distrusting over a nonsense matter, she's trying to pull your leg. That would get me upset and I would make it into an argument if she didn't stop accusing me to make my point. If I were you when she acts like this again just say "I don't bloody watch any porn, and now let me do my business" and go to your desk to do your personal things/work/whatever you're doing. Apart from perhaps a few basic things, partners shouldn't have each other on a leash - it will really work against the relationship, and I'm sure she knows.

[maxbrosman]

My best guess is that your wife is insecure of the relationship you have with her. You should sit her down and communicate exactly how you feel and ask her why EXACTLY she feels this way. By the way, I'm not cutting on you but who wears the pants in the relationship? Because it seems like you have to hold on to her skirt tail as she sleeps even when you have important projects that need to be done. That's not cool at all. Anyway, like I said I think you should sit her down and communicate fully on her feelings and your feelings and figure out exactly what's in her mind. I don't think it has anythign to do with cheating though because none of it seems like any of the signs of cheating http://www.paranoogle.com/10-signs-of-a-cheating-spouse/

[JudyKayTee]

... Now that we're married, she is not trusting me at all. I have given her no reason to distrust, and she will even admit that I have given her no reason. She just cites, "Well, too many good people have the problem." It wouldn't be such a big deal, except that now, if she goes to bed, I have to go with her, even if I have a big research project. I can't sit at my desk in my office, but have to sit in bed while she sleeps which is a huge inconvenience as I typically end up just sacrificing my project and sleeping.

Too many good people have what problem? Trusting each other? Cheating? What are you referencing?

And I agree - you "can't" sit at your desk, you "have" to sit in bed while she sleeps"?

I think you both need counselling. She has an enormous need to control, and I don't see that you are setting any boundaries.

It's only going to get worse unless you work on it now.

[KCKustom]

Psalms 1:1 says 'do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly'. If someone says that watching pornography isn't a bad thing, then turn your ear. That is the wrong advice. You must have a strong anointing on your life and I can tell you are a man of God by your decision to resist temptation with your wife. I myself am in a very similar situation and my wife (of 2 months) thinks the same thing. Porn is the last thing on my mind, but she insists on accusing me of having an addiction. It is VERY frustrating, but just be sure to not get mad. Women have insecurities that men will never understand. Don't even try to because our minds just don't work the same. Fasting and prayer solves everything. God is faithful and HAS NEVER and WILL NEVER go against his word. You are the spiritual leader of the household and don't let that get out of order. 1 Peter 3 explains this order. If you are outside God's ordained order, then the enemy can and WILL attack with all his power. You must remember to not lose your faith and trust in him to take care of the problem. Romans 8:28, 'all things work together for good to them that love God, and are called according to his purpose'. Everything will work out for good, it's in the word, therefore it has to be true. Tell your wife how you feel and most definitely communicate with her. Without trust and communication, there won't be a successful marriage. One last scripture for you brother, Amos 3:3 'can two walk together, unless they agree?'. If you two can't agree on whats's going on, then you are going against God's word and you will have problems. I will be praying for you and hope God's blessings will be upon you and your marriage. We claim the VICTORY in the name of JESUS!! Amen.

Be Blessed, Stay Blessed