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motherof03 · Aug 24, 2011, 08:08 AM

I divorced going on 8 years ago, however during my marriage we had separated for a very short time during this time I was having an affair with a man from work. Long story short I conceived a son and about 90% sure the man I was having the affair with is the father, we continued to work together after I went back to the husband not only work but continued the affair this man had actually been married as well I was totally honest with my husband that chances were I was not carry his child although this mans wife has no clue till this day that I am aware of. I thought I should try and get paternaty just so when the day comes that I sit my son down and tell him what I had done I will know for sure who his father is, during my pregnancy this man was coming up to me daily at work rubbing on my belly smiling and making comments such as I know we are going to have a boy and so on, Today my son is now 8 and the man is not willing to do a paternaty I need to know and so does my son I don't want anything from this man I just want him to be a friend to my child to grow to know him as just that, he has my ex- husband as a dad and I don't want to tear that from him. Can anyone give their in put?

tickle · Aug 25, 2011, 03:31 AM

If this man doesn't want to allow a paternity test, there is really nothing you can do to make him. If your present husband is a good father to the boy, why would you want to upset the apple cart and tell your 8 year old your husband is not his fatheer. Don't you think that would be very traumatic for him? It will upset his life forever. In my honest opinon.

Tick

motherof03 · Aug 25, 2011, 04:26 AM

The man that has fathered him we are now divorced I have two other boys by him as well. I do not wish to tell my son at his age that he is now, however I do have a 13 year old and his father has done told him, so with that being said I know it will all get told to my 8 year old boy in time. When I feel he is old enough to know that is when I am going to have the conversation with him, I feel it is my job to explain to him on my actions. I have lived my whole life knowing my adopted father as my blood father as my mom will not tell me who my blood father really is and I have a lot of anger toward her for this.

tickle · Aug 25, 2011, 04:42 AM

Originally Posted by motherof03

The man that has fathered him we are now divorced I have two other boys by him as well. I do not wish to tell my son at his age that he is now, however I do have a 13 year old and his father has done told him, so with that being said I know it will all get told to my 8 year old boy in time. when I feel he is old enough to know that is when I am going to have the conversation with him, I feel it is my job to explain to him on my actions. I have lived my whole life knowing my adopted father as my blood father as my mom will not tell me who my blood father really is and I have alot of anger toward her for this.

As you wish. It is your life and you have to deal with it the best way you can, motherof3. Best of luck.

Tick

ScottGem · Aug 26, 2011, 03:53 AM

First, ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

Second, any child born during a marriage will have your husband as their legal father. That's the law in almost all areas. There may be ways to challenge that, but it depends on local laws.

If you had other children by the same man, you may be able to compare DNA with the siblings. Or even if the sibling was from your ex husband, you can eliminate him using the siblings' DNA.

Whether you can compel the suspected father to take a test will depend on local laws.

And you say you want nothing from him, but you do, you want him to have a relationship with your son.