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elizabeth0216 · Aug 23, 2011, 11:01 PM

I want to get married with my boyfriend who is in jail, and his charges are domestic violence, and he has 5 years of probation, and he can't be near me. Is it imposible for me to get married with him, and drop his probation.

Edited/T

tickle · Aug 24, 2011, 03:16 AM

If he is in jail is the charge of domestic violence against you personally ? If he can't be near you on probation, there is no way you can marry him in jail, elizabeth. I don't think it would be likely his probation would be dropped just because he is married to you. The charges must have been very serious and you do realize the circle of physical abuse does not end. If the charge was related to his abuse of you, then you are well and better away from him.

Tick

odinn7 · Aug 24, 2011, 07:19 AM

Is the charge against him from something he did to you? If it is, please understand that he will do it again eventually. My sister went through this and each time, he was so sweet to her... he was going to change, he promised... really... this time... on and on. 7 years she put up with this. Him in and out of jail, her in and out of medical care. Each time she believed him. No really, he's a great guy, she just made him mad. Well, one night he almost killed her in front of their 2 toddlers. She finally had the strength to get away from him.

These people don't change... don't put yourself through this. Walk away and don't look back.

Cat1864 · Aug 24, 2011, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by elizabeth0216

i want to get married with my boyfriend who is in jail and his charges are domestic violence and he has 5 years of probation he can't be near me is it imposible for me to get married with him and drop his probation

Are there children involved?

Is he even allowed to be in contact with you in any way?

If he is in jail, you shouldn't even be allowed on his list of visitors. So, marrying him while he is in jail is probably not going to be allowed. If anything marrying you, could be seen as violation of the terms of his sentencing.

Probation will probably not be dropped if you do succeed in marrying him because not being near you is a condition of probation. The probation like jail is part of his punishment for domestic violence and has to be served whether you are in the picture or not.

Why do you want to marry him? Is it because you think you love him or is there pressure from him and/or other people to try to get him out of the trouble he is in?

If you were the victim of his domestic violence (since he isn't allowed to be near you, I would guess you are), have you gotten counseling or gone to a support group for abused women?

Take this chance to find yourself and build a stable life without him. It will make you a stronger person and give you a different perspective on marrying someone who can physically, emotionally, and/or mentally hurt you.

talaniman · Aug 26, 2011, 02:33 PM

Contact victims assistance and talk this over with a counsellor before you do anything else.

Alty · Aug 26, 2011, 02:40 PM

Wait.. did I hear this right?

He's in jail because he's abusive, but you want to marry him?

Even if he hasn't been violent towards you, he's in jail because he has been violent towards a women in the past.

I have to ask, what is it about him that you love? Is it the black eyes, the broken ribs, the never ending fear that he'll hurt you? Do you think that he's changed?

I would bet millions that he didn't get arrested the first time he hurt someone. In fact, I'm sure he got away with it for years before he got caught.

He won't change. That's a promise.

I'm assuming that he hurt you, because he can't be near you. So, why do you want to marry this person? Do you enjoy being a punching bag? I myself do not. I'd rather have a real man, one that doesn't use his strength, his anger, and his hatred towards everyone, to get what he wants.

Real men don't hit. The man you want to marry isn't a man. He's not worthy of anyone. He's a piece of dirt you scrape from your shoe.

But, it's your choice. I can only tell you the truth and hope that you listen.

excon · Aug 26, 2011, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by elizabeth0216

he can't be near me. Is it imposible for me to get married with him, and drop his probation.

Hello e:

Yes, it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.

excon

Fr_Chuck · Aug 26, 2011, 08:23 PM

No, in fact if and when he gets out on probation, he will go back to jail for being near you.

Thus the story I tell why police officers hate domestic calls, they feel they are wasting their time so often protecting one of the people ( normally the women) because he says he is sorry and he loves them and they will come running back.