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ebhfly · Jul 13, 2011, 09:15 AM

I am 13 years old, and starting a couple years ago my mom has be becoming more and more Paranoid. She thinks of the worst possible thing that could happen if I were to do something and then says that I can't do that because something is going to happen. She treats me like I am 6. When ever she takes me somewhere she makes me hold her hand and when ever my dad takes me somewhere she makes my bring my phone because she is afraid that I will be trampled or abducted. Just starting this year she let me cross the road in our neighborhood (that is very small). When she let's me ride my bike I have to wear neon and a helmet with a blinking light on the back. I was trying to find a new backpack for next year at school but she says that It has to have reflectors on it. I don't mean to sound rude but I was just wondering what I should do, she wouldn't see a doctor when I asked her to, what should I do?

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by ebhfly

I am 13 years old, and starting a couple years ago my mom has be becoming more and more Paranoid. She thinks of the worst possible thing that could happen if I were to do something and then says that i can't do that because something is going to happen. She treats me like I am 6. When ever she takes me somewhere she makes me hold her hand and when ever my dad takes me somewhere she makes my bring my phone because she is afraid that I will be trampled or abducted. Just starting this year she let me cross the road in our neighborhood (that is very small). When she let's me ride my bike I have to wear neon and a helmet with a blinking light on the back. I was trying to find a new backpack for next year at school but she says that It has to have reflectors on it. I don't mean to sound rude but I was just wondering what I should do, she wouldn't see a doctor when I asked her to, what should I do?

I see no paranoia in you wearing neon and a helmet while riding your bike. Helmets are the law in some parts of the US. I'm an accident investigator and I see plenty of bike/car accidents every year. Bicycle helmets save lives.

I also don't find a backpack with reflectors to indicate paranoia.

I see telling you to carry your phone to be nothing unusual.

Holding your hand when you go anywhere? THAT I find unusual.

She probably doesn't need her child telling her she's paranoid or has other medical problems. What does your father say about this? He's the one to talk to her.

ebhfly · Jul 13, 2011, 09:23 AM

I understand that bike helmets are needed I was arguing the blinking light in the daytime, and the phone, she doesn't make me carry it when I'm with her just when I'm with my dad, also when I was at a pirate game (baseball) with my dad she made me take my phone and text her when I get there and when I leave because she I believed I was going to get trampled

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 09:25 AM

Again - perhaps she's a little over the average but I don't think she's paranoid.

And where is your father in all of this?

Be grateful she cares if you're alive or dead. A lot of kids don't have that.

ebhfly · Jul 13, 2011, 09:32 AM

My father usually is our of town but when he took me to the Pirate game he saw that my mom is a little over the edge in being paranoid and said that that is just the way she is, always looking for the worst in things

spitvenom · Jul 13, 2011, 09:34 AM

I don't think you mom is paranoid I think she is a little over protective. I know when I was 13 there would be no way I would wear a neon bike helmet with a blinking light while also wearing a backpack with reflectors on it.

I know it is for safety but kids can be cruel and putting that stuff on you literally makes you a target for bullies. Instead of telling your mom she is paranoid explain to her that it is just overkill. Good Luck!!

Oh and you can tell her don't worry about you getting trampled at a Pirates game no one actually goes to Pirate games unless the Phillies are in town ;)

ebhfly · Jul 13, 2011, 09:38 AM

Yeah I know but they are doing better this year

But it was a neon outfit with a blinking bike helmet and the back pack was for school

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by spitvenom

I don't think you mom is paranoid I think she is a little over protective. I know when I was 13 there would be no way I would wear a neon bike helmet with a blinking light while also wearing a backpack with reflectors on it.

I know it is for safety but kids can be cruel and putting that stuff on you literally makes you a target for bullies. Instead of telling your mom she is paranoid explain to her that it is just overkill. Good Luck!!!!

Oh and you can tell her don't worry about you getting trampled at a Pirates game no one actually goes to Pirate games unless the Phillies are in town ;)

Sorry but this is in the same category as people who won't wear a seatbelt because it wrinkles their clothing. If you ride at night, wear a blinking neon helmet. It you ride during the day, wear a helmet without the blinker.

Backpacks with reflectors are a good idea if you are out and about when it is dusk, dawn or dark. I have no idea how/when/where OP gets to school.

I hear the "no way" line all the time from parents who tried to convince their kids to be safe. Now I'm talking to parents whose children are seriously injured or dead.

Overkill or not overkill, OP is the child. The parent gets to make the decisions until the child is self-supporting and emancipated.

Are my children embarrassed? Possibly so. Do they wear helmets when they ride bikes? Yes - so do I. Does the helmet have reflective strips? Yes, so does mine. Do I wear reflective clothing at dawn, dusk, dark? Yes, and they do because they have seen me and it's no big deal.

Sorry - just can't agree with you here. And if the Dad travels I'm sure Mom is a little more apprehensive and has no one to bounce her fears off for a good part of the time.

Cut the woman some slack. She's worried about the welfare of her child.

I would be very careful not to encourage the child to ignore his mother - I realize that's not what you said but I'm not sure how it will be interpreted.

And LOVE the baseball comment! 10 for that.

ebhfly · Jul 13, 2011, 10:35 AM

Thanks

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by ebhfly

Thanks

I know know how empty "I only worry because I love you is" when you are your age - but she only worries because she loves you.

Now, if your mother told you go and play in traffic... then I would worry.

You sound VERY well "together" - most adults don't write as well as you do, can't express themselves that clearly. Are you an avid reader? I'll bet you have good grades in school.

When she's not worrying about you I hope your Mom is proud of you - !

cdad · Jul 13, 2011, 02:07 PM

There is one question that I have to ask and I don't know if you can answer it or not. Is your mom on any medications? Sometimes there can be bad reactions from them is why Im asking.

cdad · Jul 13, 2011, 03:14 PM

JudyKayTee finds this helpful : Put on this helmet and backpack, grab your phone and go stand in the street.

Trust me I know how you feel. My children used to think I was overdoing it until they got wise enough to realize that what I was doing actually made sense.

joypulv · Jul 13, 2011, 04:35 PM

It isn't easy to sort all this out when you are 13.
I do have a suggestion for the hand holding, which IS overdoing it at 13:
Take her arm, just above the elbow, as though you are the protective one leading her around. Tell her firmly that some of what she insists on you will go along with, but not this one.
I do believe you, because of this hand holding, fear of trampling, and so on.
There is little you can do at your age.
Tell her that with all her worries about you, you are getting worried about her too, and you may never be able to leave home, go to college, have friends, and have a job or career. But save too-clever stuff like that for later, only if it's necessary.

ebhfly · Jul 14, 2011, 07:25 AM

She is

ebhfly · Jul 14, 2011, 07:25 AM

No

spitvenom · Jul 14, 2011, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sorry but this is in the same category as people who won't wear a seatbelt because it wrinkles their clothing. If you ride at night, wear a blinking neon helmet. It you ride during the day, wear a helmet without the blinker.

Backpacks with reflectors are a good idea if you are out and about when it is dusk, dawn or dark. I have no idea how/when/where OP gets to school.

I hear the "no way" line all the time from parents who tried to convince their kids to be safe. Now I'm talking to parents whose children are seriously injured or dead.

Overkill or not overkill, OP is the child. The parent gets to make the decisions until the child is self-supporting and emancipated.

Are my children embarrassed? Possibly so. Do they wear helmets when they ride bikes? Yes - so do I. Does the helmet have reflective strips? Yes, so does mine. Do I wear reflective clothing at dawn, dusk, dark? Yes, and they do because they have seen me and it's no big deal.

Sorry - just can't agree with you here. And if the Dad travels I'm sure Mom is a little more apprehensive and has no one to bounce her fears off for a good part of the time.

Cut the woman some slack. She's worried about the welfare of her child.

I would be very careful not to encourage the child to ignore his mother - I realize that's not what you said but I'm not sure how it will be interpreted.

And LOVE the baseball comment! 10 for that.

This and many many other reason are why I don't have kids. Wasn't even thinking of riding a bike at night. Im sitting here thinking of a kid riding their bike in the day time with all this safety equipment. I'll leave the advice in this post up to the Good Parents on AMHD. I really don't want the OP disobeying his mother and after I reread my post I could see how the OP could take what I said as Just ignore her.