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ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 01:29 AM

My girlfriend of two years is planing to take a break from me after our two week vacation is over. We both love each other a lot. We have been through so much. One day I hopefully want to marry this girl, and have kids with her. She says she wants the break for some alone time, and to clear her mind. I am afraid that I'm going to lose her. She claims that I don't treat her the way she should be treated. I want her to give me one final chance to show her that I'm ready to grow up, and love her the right way. I love her so much she is the only person I have by my side, and I don't want to see her walk away. I need a second chance, what should I say, or do?

Edited/T

amicon · Jul 13, 2011, 04:35 AM

Sadly,there's not a lot you can do-if she wants a break that's what you're going to have to agree to.

It seems to me that her feelings have changed and I guess there is not a lot you can do about it.

There's no way you can force someone to give you a 'final chance'-they're going to have to want that themselves.

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 05:02 AM

Amicon, I do agree with the break and I will give it to her, but I want to know even after I agree with the break is all hope lost ?

amicon · Jul 13, 2011, 05:08 AM

Nobody can tell you that.

I can only say that,statistically, most breaks become break ups.

What are the rules for the break?

No contact?

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 06:53 AM

Amicon, during the break there will be contact

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 07:20 AM

My experience - "I need time alone" is the preface to "It's over." It is difficult to tell someone you want to break up. Sometimes a gradual break up is easier on "them."

And you can't make her be with you if that isn't what she wants.

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 08:09 AM

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so I don't know really know what to do

Amicon, during the break we will call and text and still see each other from time to time but not as much as before the break

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by ronaldd09

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so idk really know what to do

Leave her alone - give her the time she's asked for. I think if you push you're going to lose her OR she'll "come back," only to leave again.

spitvenom · Jul 13, 2011, 09:20 AM

It sucks no doubt about it. But you have to give her the space she is asking for. You mentioned that she said you do not treat her the way she should be treated. During the break think about that think about how you did treat her and what you can do to improve that.

I don't want to get your hopes up but when my wife and I were dating she broke up with me early in the relationship and I did all the stupid things called her all the time text her all the time. Don't do that stuff as much as you are going to want to do not do it. If she contacts you then talk to her. Right now space is the key.

Go out have fun with your friends live life it is the best thing you can do.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2011, 09:20 AM

This post will not make you happy

I don't know your age, but when you get dumped for whatever reason and hang out to stay around until she changes her mind, then she loses respect for you, and starts looking for someone else to spend time with. Not only does she lose respect, but you lose your dignity, and self respect for yourself, because you waste time being her loyal pet, to please and entertain her.

When you get dumped, disappear from her life, and don't be available to her, and start doing your own thing, without her because at least seeing you happy with yourself will at least earn respect, and she may even miss you.

Even if she doesn't at least you have something else to do besides trying to keep her by sticking your nose up her butt, and treated as an option when she has nothing better to do. Let her go on her break/vacation, and don't be there when she gets back. What is this grade school?

Sorry for being harsh, but you seem so willing to keep her in your life you will stoop to any foolishness she puts you through.

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 10:31 AM

Talaniman, she says wants to keep in contact with me, I will give her the space she needs. I love her and everything I'm just hoping it doesn't end so sour

talaniman · Jul 13, 2011, 10:36 AM

Of course she wants to keep in touch, you are no longer a priority, you are now an option. Sour ain't the word for what happens next. You have options yourself, but you can't see them because she is in the way.

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 12:03 PM

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2011, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by ronaldd09

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?

Depends on how badly you want to get hurt.

You aren't listening - you can't "win" anyone back. She's not the prize in a contest. You can't make someone love you.

Do you act as a friend? No, you don't act like something you are not.

Can you see her on a friendship only level?

ronaldd09 · Jul 13, 2011, 01:13 PM

Judykaytee, most likely it will be on a friendship level and if it decides to go further so be. If not I'll continue to live my life.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2011, 06:01 PM

Live your life, and enjoy it. Whether she wants you back or not. I have always been to busy with other things to spend a lot of time trying to get some one back who had dumped me.

If they wanted you as much as you wanted them, you would be together and working to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, so you could be enjoying staying together.

You have been dumped, so love and romance with you is no longer a priority for her.

vanheart · Jul 14, 2011, 03:10 PM

There's only one thing to do.

Man-up, accept things & move on.

Put all of your efforts into yourself.

You can't wait in limbo forever, why start now?

And lost hope? Well, that's up to you. Hanging on to false hope will only drive you mad & paralyze you.

Face facts, go NC & enjoy...

bullfight · Jul 14, 2011, 07:08 PM

You Can't Love What You Can't Have. Sting said that. And who can doubt Sting, the quintessential poet?

Fear is the enemy of the living. Sober up when you ponder kindly on your loving 2 yr. old relationship. 40-60 % of married couples end up in divorce on average 10 yrs. Or less. Guess what? Pretty much all of those couples felt they could not live without that other special person and they wanted to be with them forever.

The lesson in this? Don't take yourself too seriously. Try someone else for size and come back to this forum in 2 years.

ronaldd09 · Aug 22, 2011, 07:04 PM

Help me please, me and my ex of two years broke up about 4 weeks ago. Her reasons for breaking up were that I was too attached, I suffocated her too much, she says she needs "me" time. Also that I didn't treat her the way she needed to be treated. I asked her if she loves me, and she says yes, and I asked her if she is still in love with me she also says yes. So I asked her to give me a chance to prove myself and she responded by saying that she doesn't know if this relationship is what she needs right now, and that she isn't too sure about giving me another chance at the moment.

Since then, I've been on No Contact, but she texts me about once a week. I saw her about a few days ago. We talked for about half an hour, not too long, just catching up on things. I had to go but during my time with her we were both smiling, and laughing, and looked very happy when I left she gave me a kiss.

I didn't talk to her about getting back together that day, its seems to me as if she is confused about being with me. I really love her a lot, and I want to be with her what should I do ?

Threads have been merged and edited/T

talaniman · Aug 22, 2011, 10:58 PM

So basically she has been stringing you along for the past four weeks, and you come when she has time for you right?? That's hardly the way to correctly do the NC things you know. You are so desperate to keep her, you will take whatever she gives you. She knows you are hooked, and please don't think that's attractive, or by being there whenever she wants you is going to help your case any.

She isn't confused at all, she knows for a fact she doesn't want to see you everyday, and that you are only a text away. I am just wondering how long it will be before you get treated like a part time option??

Get some confidence, and protect your dignity, and self respect. Tell her to piss off, and stop torturing you. At least act like a man, and not her puppy. Sorry to be harsh, but why get dumped and stick around to get dumped on?? Answer me that!!

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