[zahara14]

I came home from school today to find my parents have removed my bedroom door not only that but gone through absolutley every thing in my room I was so totally mad at them I asked them why they did it and they said that I have been lying to them and privacy is a privlige I have to earn. I asked them what I have been lying to them about and they said they were told that I've been sleeping with my boyfriend and when I say I'm at a friends house I'm not. I don't get it I never lied to othem I may have not told them certain things but I never lied.I hate being at home at the moment they are treating me like a criminal now they even want to take me to get a drug test I really don't want to do one.How can I get them to understand that they are making my life hell I have it bad enough at school now at home is just as bad.I really just want them to trust me

[ScottGem]

One thing you left out here. Are you sleeping with your boyfriend? Have you done so when you said you were at a friend's house? Have you parent's objected to this boyfriend? Your ages would also help us help you.

[J_9]

Trust is earned. Apparently you did something to lose that trust.

I don't get it I never lied to othem i may have not told them certain things but I never lied

That can be just as bad as lying.

I actually applaud your parents for actually being PARENTS!

[adviceishere]

They took you bedroom door? That's genius!! They sound like a very fair couple of people if you ask me, and as Scottgem said, we need more information

[ITstudent2006]

Sounds like my mom ;)

Listen, trust is earned and privacy is a privelage. It's hard for us to believe that you parents just went off the deep end for no reason. There has to be motive behind their intent.

Did you sleep with your b/f?
Did you "omit" that from your parents?
Did you/do you do drugs?
Did you "omit" that from your parents?

Whether you see it now, your parents aren't crazy. They've got their reasons for doing what they do. Instead of rebelling or asking us what you should do, maybe you should gear your questions toward your parents.

Talk to them. Communication is key in any relationship. Sit down and be an adult about this, that in itself will have some impact on the issue.

[zahara14]

Im 14 and so is my boyfriend I have slept with him a once every time I told them I was at a friends house I was sometimes we would go out to the park or down town and meet up with other friends and my boyfriend but I was always at the friends house I said I was. I didn't talk to my parents about having sex because its not like we do it all the time it was once and we haven't done it again and its not that easy to talk about with them.I was just a little hurt when they took my door and now my dad won't even talk t me and I'm not going to do a drug test because that just isn't fair they should trust me

[ScottGem]

You are 14 and had sex. You don't say whether your parents have allowed you to date. So maybe you were defying them. You have apparently demonstrated to them that there are issues with your trustworthiness.

What you need to do is work at regaining their trust.

[J_9]

im not going to do a drug test because that just isnt fair they should trust me

That just screams guilt. Apparently you are doing drugs and don't want to get caught. If you weren't doing them you would be excited to do the drug test just to prove them wrong.

[zahara14]

I don't do drugs but I don't think that its fair that they want me to take a test I mean what kind of a person do they think that I am I can't be excited about doing the test because it just shows me what they thimk of me.They did know that I had a boyfriend they were all right with it and we had sex once and its not something I really want to do again for a while any way. I just want them to back off and not be so nasty I mean I'm 14 how am I suppose to have any privacy with out a door I can't even get dressed in my room my brothewrs just think its funny as, if they want to be serious they should take a look at what my brothers do I don't even do anything compared to them. I just think they are overacting. My dad won't even talk to me and mums just mad as and I don't even see what I did wrong I mean if I did something wrong then fine I can deal with that but ha I didn't do anything, I did lie to them when they asked me if I had sex but what am I suppose to say yes I did I don't think so. I just don't know what to do to make them happy and id really like my door back

[Fr_Chuck]

No it is being a good parent, they see you moving slowing down a wrong road, and because of your actions are now over reacting.

You are
Lying to your parents,
Have sex at a very too early age


And this is how a great and good parent reacts.
I searched my boys room on a regular basis, and I was a trained Fed agent. They never knew when, The door of their rooms had to be open unless they were changing clothes or going to bed.

I checked milage on their cars, and more.

So yes, you deserved what happened.

[zahara14]

Seriuosly isn't that like being to snoppy how could you have any privacy isn't it better for your kids to come to you about things rather than snooping or like my parents just assuming you are doing things your not I don't take drugs and I never will I don't drink or smoke so I don't see what their problem is and if I want to have sex isn't it my body isn't that a choice that you have to make for yourself well that's what I think they are seriously over reacting and I just want my door back but I don't know how to get them to put it back on

[J_9]

if i want to have sex isnt it my body isnt that a choice

And it's your parents' money that will pay the hospital bill when you hae the baby. It's your parents who will raise the baby because you are too young and physically, emotionally, and mentally too immature to handle such a large responsibility.

Actually, until you are 18 your body belongs to your parents.

[zahara14]

I don't understand how my body is theirs until I'm eighteen isn't it my body anyway I'm not having sex anymore we both decided wed wait to do it again I get that I'm not old enough yet. I just want my parents to trusy me and I don't think I've done anything to make them not so I don't know how to make them trust me or whata to do any advice

[justcurious55]

How do you think you haven't done anything to lose their trust?

When I went to a friends house, until I was nearly 18 and had earned the trust, if we left to go to the movies or park or anywhere I had to call home first.I had to have every move cleared before I made it.

So yeah, not telling them everything is what you did to lose the trust. You're in trouble because they care. They don't want you growing up too quickly. They don't want anything happening to you. They don't want you ending up in the wrong crowd. It's easy to be taken advantage of. They don't want any phone calls from the cops telling them to come pick you up, or even worse, the morgue asking them to come identify your body.

Whether you see yourself as a child anymore, that's exactly what you are to them. And it's going to probably take you a long time to earn their trust back. And you earn their trust back by not going other places when you say you'll be at one friend's house and not having sex behind their back and you gladly take the drug test to show them you're not using.

[zahara14]

Ill take the drug test just to prove them wrong but I don't see that is fair shouldn't they just take my word for it I don't see that it's a big deal when I go to a friends house if we go out they never had a problem with it before I've said I was going to my friends house and then seen my parents down town and they never said anything about it before so why now all of a sudden is it such a problem and they make out like I've been sleeping with my boyfriend all the time when it was only once and I don't even know who told them that I was anyway I just don't get it shouldn't they listen to what I'm saying instead of other people

[ScottGem]

You are in denial girl! You have admitted you lied to them, you have admitted making bad choices. You are only 14 and starting to go down the wrong path.

Instead of bemoaning how unfair and overreacting your parents are, you should be trying to do whatever you can to regain their trust. You keep saying you didn't do anything bad yet you have admitted you have. Your parents are responsible for you until you are 18. That means they have the right to keep you on a short leash if they feel it necessary. You should be glad that your parents care so much about you and your well being. We've had girls your age tell us about parents who don't care that they are running around with adults.

So stop whining and apologize to your parents for betraying their trust and ask what you can do to earn it back.

[zahara14]

Wow so that's a big eye opener I get it I'm the lucky one I do get it my parents do care by taking my door taking my privacy I do feel sorry for kids that don't have paremts that don't care and I should just stop complainig and get over it OK I should apologise and I will I suppose no matter what happens to me there is people out there worse off than me so thank you for helping me realise that and I'm not being sarcastic I get it they care even if they are over reacting I should be grateful right its just hard being a kid and coming home and finding ypur doors gone for something that I'm not sure what I've done OK yes I had sex but hay lots of people my age do but I suppose they are just being caring right

[southamerica]

Girl, do I remember feeling exactly the way you feel. Trust me, you must listen to your parents. You and your friends are all just children, and you're experiencing adult-like freedoms and feelings for the first time ever. That is exciting-do I know it.

You are so lucky to have those parents, and you will realize it someday. Listen to them, and trust them. Your mom has been a teenage girl just like you, and your dad has been a teenage boy just like your boyfriend. They are doing their best to raise you into an adult that not only they will be proud of, but YOU will be proud of.

Being a good child and listening to your parents may not be "cool", but you will win out in the end. Your parents love you so much and they want to protect you. Every single adult here has told you that-so trust us and more importantly, trust your parents. Take care of yourself-you will understand why someday, I promise.

[ScottGem]

wow so thats a big eye opener i get it im the lucky one i do get it my parents do care by taking my door taking my privacy i do feel sorry for kids that dont have paremts that dont care and i should just stop complainig and get over it ok i should apologise and i will i suppose no matter what happens to me there is people out there worse off than me so thank you for helping me realise that and im not being sarcastic i get it they care even if they are over reacting i should be greatful right its just hard being a kid and coming home and finding ypur doors gone for something that im not sure what ive done ok yes i had sex but hay lots of people my age do but i suppose they are just being careing right

If you are sincere about that, I think you just turned a corner. And if you bring that attitude to your parents, I think it will help you get the door back on sooner than later.

Yes too many teens are engaging in sex. That doesn't make it right. It just makes it sad.

[zahara14]

I apologised and said id take the test now now don't want me to see my boyfriend anymore I think that's unfair I love him and I don't see ho w they can do that to me in trying but I'm not going to stop seeing him they can have my stupid door I don't care they can't make me stop seeing him I don't think that's fair he didn't do anything wrong I'm so angry with them what am I never sllowed to have a boyfriend