[billpast]

My son is 15 years old and failing all his classes. It's not because he's not bright, he's simply not doing his homework. I am a divorced father of two (15 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter). I have recently purchased The Total Transformation Program and have learned a lot (why he is acting the way he is and what I am doing wrong). The problem I am facing is that when I discipline him (primarily taking away the video games), he will call his mother to pick him up. I told his mother that she cannot bail him out all the time. That she cannot pick him up (especially on my days). She is the type that has an excuse for everything. She puts the blame on everyone else instead of being accountable for her own actions. I don't ask much from my son. I ask that he does his homework and is respectful to his sister. He has no other responsibilities (no housework, etc). It's really hurting me inside. Any advice would greatly be appreciated.

[Jake2008]

You may not be able to change his mother's undermining attitude, but what you can do, is change your own attitude.

If you discipline your son, in your own home, and he chooses to get himself in a snit over the consequences, and calls his mother to come get him, let him go.

When he returns, it is the same as when he left. Remind him why he lost his video games, and the next time he decides to call his mother and bail on accepting responsibility, you will add the days he is gone, to the number of days he will not get the games back.

And, stick to it.

You have no control over his mother's influence, but you do have control over how she affects you.

If your main focus is discipline with appropriate consequences, you don't need to answer to your ex wife, nor do you have to explain yourself to your son if you have made the rules and the consequences clear.

[Wondergirl]

Can you get involved in the homework process and somehow make it less onerous for your son? For instance, he is studying the Korean War in History class or is learning proofs in Geometry or poets and their poetry/an author and characters/settings/analysis in English. Buy some posterboard, get two pair of scissors, rules, pencils, and cut up the posterboard into 4x6 flashcards. With thin-point markers, print a fact or short question on one side and the answer on the other. Drill each other when finished.

If your son won't participate, do it yourself and have fun while doing it in front of him, so he will be intrigued and will get hooked into helping.

[J_9]

Buy some posterboard, get two pair of scissors, rules, pencils, and cut up the posterboard into 4x6 flashcards. With thin-point markers, print a fact or short question on one side and the answer on the other.

Why not just buy index cards? It makes the process much easier.

[Wondergirl]

Why not just buy index cards? It makes the process much easier.

I was trying to make it more labor intensive, a father-son process of working together. I did it this way with a fifth-grader who had more fun making the cards than he did using them. I used the same rationale with adult court-ordered community service workers at the library when I supervised them. I needed 3x6 "name plates" to sit on the table in front of each attendee at our writers' group. The community service workers had to cut, fold, print, and basically design the plates. They had a ball doing it. The name plates are still in use two years later, with new ones being printed each month.

[J_9]

I was trying to make it more labor intensive, a father-son process of working together. I did it this way with a fifth-grader who had more fun making the cards than he did using them. I used the same rationale with adult court-ordered community service workers at the library when I supervised them. I needed 3x6 "name plates" to sit on the table in front of each attendee at our writers' group. The community service workers had to cut, fold, print, and basically design the plates. They had a ball doing it. The name plates are still in use two years later, with new ones being printed each month.

Good idea if Dad has the time for the labor.

[Wondergirl]

Good idea if Dad has the time for the labor.

He'd better have the time for the labor!!