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Marriedguy · Oct 22, 2010, 03:57 AM

I'm getting so frustrated with having to answer is he cheating questions. There are certain things I feel everyone is entitled to.

Like right know and ask partners' whereabouts.

Devorameira · Oct 22, 2010, 06:03 AM

I have to agree with that. A person should have a right to know where their spouse is, as long as they aren't stalking every move.

The problem is that many couples don't respect one another and don't discuss things openly. And yes, there are tons of men and women both out there that are cheating.

excon · Oct 22, 2010, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

I have to agree with that. A person should have a right to know where their spouse is, as long as they aren't stalking every move.

Hello D:

Nahhh. I don't report to ANYBODY, and I don't ask ANYBODY to report to me. If I can't trust my spouse, I need ANOTHER spouse.

excon

answerme_tender · Oct 22, 2010, 09:00 AM

Having your spouse tell you were they are going, doing,etc is NOT going to stop them from cheating. If they are going to cheat, if sure in the heck isn't any harder to lie about their where abouts.
Let'f face it most of us have to work for a living, and just simply don't have the time to be checking up on every move they make.
How to prevent cheating. There are several answers that seem simply to apply to any relationship. The only problem always come back to The Human Factor. We cannot control that.

talaniman · Oct 22, 2010, 10:08 AM

The wife and I settled this issue long ago. She laid out her boundaries of respect, I laid out mine, we met in the middle, and respected each others space, and time and like EX said, we trust each other. We inform respectfully, but don't report to each other.

Haven't given it a second thought since. You think she may have cheated on me?? Don't know for sure, but doubt it seriously. If you can't trust someone what's the point of being with them? That's the part that gets me.

Jake2008 · Oct 22, 2010, 10:35 PM

I don't understand your question marriedguy. You don't mention 'wife' at all, but partner. And you don't say that it is is your partner that wants to know your whereabouts. But it is you that wants to know his/her whereabouts?

I'm getting so frustrated with having to answer is he cheating questions. There are certain things I feel everyone is entitled to.

Like right know and ask partners' whereabouts.

The 'Like right know and ask partners' wherabouts'- does that mean the right to know and ask partners' whereabouts, as in, your right to know, or his/her right to know.

Maybe its just me, but it sounds like you are fed up having to answer whether you are cheating, and at the same time, expect to have the right to know and ask your partners whereabouts.

Are you both suspicious of each other?

Marriedguy · Oct 25, 2010, 04:15 AM

I'm sorry.. sometimes I post quickly and the post becomes misunderstood. I was trying to develop a Constitution of a Healthy Relationship. The Constitution will state rules or rights of both parties in a relationship. These laws would be created by the great minds of the people of Askmehelpdesk.com.

For example: I feel its my wife's right to go through my cell phone. My phone is not password protected and she can ask who is numbers are in it. There are a lot of people who don't agree and mainly because they cheat.

excon · Oct 25, 2010, 04:45 AM

Originally Posted by Marriedguy

For example: I feel its my wife's right to go through my cell phone. There are a lot of people who don't agree and mainly because they cheat.

Hello again, M:

I would NEVER be married to a women who WANTED to look through my phone - NEVER! And, it's not because I cheat.

excon

answerme_tender · Oct 25, 2010, 06:58 AM

I agree with Excon! First of all who has the time to go through their partners stuff, rather it be phone,purse,wallet. In my opinion to have them actually go through MY things is like a stanger getting into my personnel space! Bottom line is if I wanted to cheat, I would hope that I was a heck of lot smarter then to have any evidence sitting around. I would also be smart enough to have a separate phone that my partner had no idea of!

pandead · Oct 25, 2010, 07:16 AM

I tried to answer the same question and realized I never thought of it before... I wouldn't feel the need to check until they give me a solid reason. Then I probably would because those cheaters won't catch themselves! :p

I don't care if my "partner" goes through my stuff, I just don't think I'd give him a reason to. Hopefully we would be comfortable enough to talk first if he goes paranoid about something - and if he "freaks out", I'd just let him check my phone, wallet or whatever he needs to see. Men are complicated creatures so I wouldn't question that much :) If you don't trust someone, it's simple, find someone else you will.

Jake2008 · Oct 25, 2010, 07:31 AM

What constitutes a healthy relationship. Hmmm, that is quite a heavy duty question.

I would say that trust has to be the number one. Above and beyond, to the most extreme level there is. Unquestionable, 100% trust in a person.

I say that because, you really have nothing else, and things start going downhill, when that is broken. Everything. The minute you open your man's wallet, the minute you check the phone records, the minute you doubt his integrity, commitment, loyalty and faith, are really all breeches in trust. Once you crack open that email account, and put the GPS in the car to see where he's going, there is no turning back.

Question everybody elses' honesty- your co-workers, friends, bosses, teachers, car mechanic, the guy fixing your toilet, etc. but your partner's honesty, once quesitoned, is the first crack in the foundation, and it only gets worse from there.

Marriedguy · Oct 26, 2010, 05:45 AM

1. Right to honesty. This is the foundation of all relationships. Surely if a house is built on a weak foundation it is bound to fall.

answerme_tender · Oct 26, 2010, 06:35 AM

I also feel that a foundation of a house is built on, can in deed develop cracks. Its when we choose to ignore what is happening. We seem to think that the Lord is going to come in and just fix everything without us lifting a figure to do those improvements ourselves. By waiting those cracks have spread so much that the actual foundatioin must either be replaced or the house will be condemned.
If we would have just paid attention to those first cracks and not only asked for the Lord to help, but to actually get up and learned how to do those improvements for ourselves the house would have been saved.