[chuff]

I was thinking about waiting a few days (a week maybe) and then sending something like "your email has been sent a few months too late".

NOOOOO!! That will only let her know that it still bugs you. Even if your answer suggests otherwise you will still be the one contacting her. She dumped you so that's her problem. You don't have to worry about her anymore, so don't give her authority over your feelings and power.

A part of me does still want her back, but I have brains enough to not take her back if she wanted to (which I doubt as well). I don't think that I don't want her back as much as I don't want her to be with somebody else.

A part of you wants her back so that you can end the mystery. We both know that you don't want her back because she's a great catch. You should be happy to have a two timer out of your life. She's somebody else's problem and you have the pleasure of only thinking about yourself.

[rol]

Perfect answer from chuff! Guess you could even send that now if you wish, id like to see her face then ;-)

<<Don't reply to her at all but if she contacts you about then tell her "I've moved on from you and I'd appreciate it if you would take the adult steps to do the same."
>>

[kanicky73]

I guess the first thing you should ask yourself is if she tells you that she is back with her ex, does it change the way you feel? Does anything change by her telling you this? If not then don't waste your time. I will be the first to admit that sometimes us women get a little crazy about this he said she said stuff and feel that we need to put our two cents worth in. It sounds to me that this is what she is doing. And she will probably lie and give you her supposed side of the story. I know that sounds stupid but unfortunately that's what we do sometimes. I don't know how old you or your ex girlfriend are but I am willing to guess that your both in your twenties. As you get older stuff like this won't bother you as much as it does now. If I were you I would not meet with her and just move on with your life.

[Wildcat21]

I wouldn't bother contacting her at all.

SHE WANTS to see if she still has you! So then she can WALK all over you!

In one month you will feel so good about this.

I mean, what a complete be-atch for ignoring you TWICE!! Do you really want this imature freak in your life? No.

[JDOP]

She has treated you quite badly and if it were me, I would stay well away. She sounds really mixed up and it is best for you not to get caught up in her drama.

Right on

By moving on and forgetting her, you have already got closure. This could set you back if she says things you would really rather not hear.

I have no closure, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site asking for advice. All I know is via somebody else. I would like to hear it from her. The complete truth, although I realize she might bend the truth a little in her advantage.

Let her stew and worry about YOU for a change.

I stewed for a long long time. If she would stew for a fraction of the time I have, that would make me very very satisfied. I hope she gets eaten by guilt now.

NOOOOO!!!! That will only let her know that it still bugs you.

It does still bug me

A part of you wants her back so that you can end the mystery.

That's right, I want to get out of this soap opera.

perfect answer from chuff!! guess you could even send that now if you wish, id like to see her face then ;-)

Maybe I will :)

And she will probably lie and give you her supposed side of the story.

I don't know if she will do that but if she would then I am even further from closure than I was before.

SHE WANTS to see if she still has you! So then she can WALK all over you!

I don't know about that. I think the reason she wants to talk is because she wants to clear her conscience and not because she considered having me back.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Let it go JDOP,

You are opening up the door again for her to hurt you.

I have no closure, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site asking for advice. All I know is via somebody else. I would like to hear it from her. The complete truth, although I realize she might bend the truth a little in her advantage.

What good do you think this will do you?. Yes, Yes, Closure I hear you say... Personally I think you are punishing yourself and you deserve better.

I stewed for a long long time. If she would stew for a fraction of the time I have, that would make me very very satisfied. I hope she gets eaten by guilt now.

You still have so much anger about the whole thing and you have a right to be angry for what she did but two wrongs don't make a right. This is why you must try and let go and move on. Who cares what she has to regret or go through, she made her bed and now must lie in it! This has nothing to do with you moving on and to be quite frank is worthless at this point. I mean all this in a nice way, I just hate to see you come back here and write about what all this is doing to you. By all means vent and write here as much as you like. All I am saying is I would love to see you making more progress and not letting her pull you back. You are strong JDOP!

It does still bug me

Right and once she sees this, she will be the one who is satisfied... Satisfied that she (thinks she) still has you.

Don't let that happen!

[Wildcat21]

No Chuff... this gal is going to play with him big time.

NOT saying anything says MORE than he could ever say!!

It's says - I don't need you, not on your terms, you're not the only gal in my life, I am busy, YOU wanted this - not me, I AM NOT NEEDY!! I am not about to go running back to you and what we ahd.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I agree with Wildcat + I would not be surprised if she gets some kind of ego boost by knowing she has you!

I would stay far away! Why would you care how she feels or what she thinks after what she did to you..

The best revenge you can get (if that is what you really, really want) is to move on and live a happy life without her!

[chuff]

No Chuff....this gal is going to play with him big time.

NOT saying anything says MORE than he could ever say!!!!

It's says - I don't need you, not on your terms, you're not the only gal in my life, I am busy, YOU wanted this - not me, I AM NOT NEEDY!!!, I am not about to go running back to you and what we ahd.

I agree this girl is a game player and a user. I agree that he shouldn't contact her. But he said or asked what to do if she contacts him. I was just saying what he could tell her to go away, because she sounds like the kind of person that will continue proding him and he seems like he could easily get caught up in this game. Actually he is caught up in this game so I guess I was trying to give him an out that was direct with her.

[Skell]

No contatc with her. Don't let her contact you.

You don't get closure. There is no such thing. You'll only have more questions.

You don't do anything to make her stew or feel guilt because she won't.

IF you choose to see her you will be back here feeling worse. I know you will.

Big mistake. Listen to everyone and STAY AWAY!!

There is not one benefit I see for meeting her!

Can you give me one?

[s_cianci]

First of all, don't believe everything you hear "through the grapevine." That said, there's probably no harm in hearing her out and letting her tell you firsthand, rather than having to rely on the "grapevine." It all hinges on how important is it for you to know the truth? What's done is done ; the how's and whys are just details. Not essential, but if you want to know, then go for it. Otherwise, let it hang and forget about it. It's really up to you ; there's no right or wrong answer to your question.

[ForeverZero]

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a little bit, because I don't agree that no contact is the best means of self healing. First I ask, if she's immature for ignoring you, is she not practicing no contact herself? In which case, that makes no contact an immature way of handling the situation. I believe that as civilized adults, you should answer the phone or respond to the email or whatever if you want to, and feel like it would do something productive.

Getting hurt, believe it or not, is productive in my eyes. If you haven't been hurt enough to look at this girl and say to yourself, I want no part of her and need to get her out of my life completely, you wouldn't have any problem just ignoring her emails and attempts at contact. If you're not at that stage, the only way you're going to get there is by getting hurt. You don't feel the need to heal when you don't feel like you've been hurt enough. It's human instict to repair ourselves when it's necessary, and the level at which it's necessary varies from person to person.

I find, particularly in my case, that when the person that dumps you is ignoring you, they're running from the problem. They know they caused a problem, and don't want to own up to the responsibility of dealing with it, so they ignore you and hope you go away. That's not healing, that's hiding. You can't hide forever, I've never heard of somebody that breaks up after a serious relationship, then ignores the person they dumped and never in the rest of their lives come back to have a discussion. That discussion doesn't have to be a get back together discussion, but they need to have it for their own peace of mind. Just like if you practice no contact because some people on the internet said it was a good idea, you're going to be left with no peace of mind. You may not always get closure, but you are going to get peace of mind, one way or the other. In the end, I think you're obligated to handle it the way you want to the first time around, which is almost certainly the wrong way.

[JDOP]

I still don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like talking to her, but not about the situation with the jerk. I'd rather feel like meeting up, having dinner or something and try to behave like friends. I don't know if that's possible because I still have feelings of resentment and affection towards her. In that case, it would probalby best to not see her. I also have problems about not answering an email with a direct question like that. If I would have sent that email, it would find it rude not to receive an answer. But then again, I don't owe her anything.

[rol]

<<If I would have sent that email, it would find it rude not to receive an answer. But then again, I don't owe her anything.>>

But would you have cheated on her with an ex jerk without any explanation or apology and ignored her twice and just decide to tell her 2 months later because you feel guilty.?

No I didn't think so, so you are right you don't owe her anythign , not even a reply to her mail. Wait and see does she write again next week, she most probably will as she won't believe her lovely guy is not still pining for her and will probably think that you did not receive it. But definitely do not go and see her now!!

[Geoffersonairplane]

Spot on Rol.. Sorry, had to spread the rep.

Listen to roil JDOP, you owe her nothing..

You are a good guy, so good that you feel a sense of guilt for contemplating not replying to her e-mail even after she treated you the way she did. You just can't understand or even come to terms wityh how someone you cared for so much could do what they did... I am on your level JDOP, I understand what is going on in your mind (for the most part).

Like I said before, meeting her will do nothing but cause you more pain. If you don't believe me, then listen to Skell. People here are giving you advice that is best for you. If for one second I thought meeting her would help you, I would be advising you to do that, but I don't believe that it will help... Not for a second.

And... I think she wants to know if she still has you!

[Wildcat21]

You owe this gal nothing. Nothing.

Being rude is not acknowlwdging you in public. Did you already forget that??

Hello??

Move on. This gal is looking for a massive ego boost.

[wap]

Hiya,

Being a bit further forward now with my progress. I would say don't contact her. Yes, I thought all the same things you are thinking, I still do. I feel a bit stronger now though, and I really don't think it is a good idea to contact her, people like this are selfish, they really don't have a clue believe me. Don't let her think she has the power over you, by contacting her. I would just delete emails from her, delete everything you have contact wise if it helps. This will help you, otherwise, everything will move on but you will still be stuck a few steps behind. Believe me you will feel better for it. I know I used to kick myself when I sent a text or called for no reason. Especially if you get no reaction, or a horrible reaction, both of these were ghastly. You just feel so low. You have come far, stay strong : )

[Wildcat21]

That's it exactly WAP!!

[JDOP]

It hurts to not respond while it would be unwise to respond. This is a lose-lose situation. If I don't respond then I don't have to expect anything else from her. The last 2 months I have essentially been waiting for her to contact me (like all the other dumpees on this forum). Now that she does, it seems unlogic to not do anything with that. It feels like I am missing an opportunity. On the other hand, seeing her will probably set me way back. I was thinking about sending a polite honest mail that says I don't want her to "clarify" things, but if she wants to talk to me in the future, she's free to contact me.

[Geoffersonairplane]

This is a lose-lose situation.

No it isn't! You are in a win/win situation if you don't contact her. You will be able to move on and find someone who deserves you. You only think it is a lose/lose situation because you have held out the false hope for 2 months like many others do.

If I don't respond then I don't have to expect anything else from her.

Exactly.. All the more reason to not contact her. You owe her nothing! Nothing!!

The last 2 months I have essentialy been waiting for her to contact me (like all the other dumpees on this forum). Now that she does, it seems unlogic to not do anything with that. It feels like I am missing an opportunity.

An opportunity to get hurt again perhaps, an opportunity to take a few steps back perhaps, an opportunity to let her know she still has you perhaps.

Perhaps even an opportunity to stroke that ego of hers one more time.

On the other hand, seeing her will probably set me way back.

Yes it would.

I was thinking about sending a polite honest mail that says I don't want her to "clarify" things, but if she wants to talk to me in the future, she's free to contact me.

Again, by doing this, you would be letting her know that she has control of the situation and control of you!

You are just too good for your own good mate!! That is not necessarily a bad thing and perhaps I am being a bit of a hypocrite since I have had my times like this too but you must pull away and avoid getting hurt or letting her control you and this situation.

You deserve far better than this.