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tony71 · Sep 16, 2010, 02:08 PM

Ok I have been with my girlfriend now for 3 months, she is 26 years old and has been with 8 guys at least that is what she says and not to mention she was a stripper for 5 years, I asked her then obviously you slept with your customers at some point or another and she was hurt and said she never did such a thing.

She actually told she had 3 boyfriends and the other 5 guys where nothing serious. I asked her why did she even strip, I thought it was for money but she said it was because she was rebellious and thought it was fun, partying and making money but she never slept with any of the guys.

All this is bothering me, she is the one that said she loves me and she claims she never told any of her previous boyfriends she loved them first, they always said it first and it was embarsssing to tell me she loved me first. And now after 3 months she is talking about settling down, I'm not sure I can even settle down with someone with this kind of past.

My previous girlfriend only had 2 partners and she is on her way to becoming a doctor, talk about screwing it up.

talaniman · Sep 16, 2010, 02:25 PM

If you can't handle the lady, you need to leave, because it says a lot about you, and your manhood to be dating someone who you think is not good enough. Grow the freak up youngster, because if she is good enough for you to date, then she is good enough to accept her for who she is. If you cannot, then its your problem to solve, and not hers, so at least be honest so she can dump you and get a man that can accept her.

If she is moving too fast for you, tell her. Its about honest communications.

Enigma1999 · Sep 16, 2010, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by tony71

Ok I have been with my girlfriend now for 3 months, she is 26 years old and has been with 8 guys at least that is what she says and not to mention she was a stripper for 5 years, I asked her then obviously you slept with your customers at some point or another and she was hurt and said she never did such a thing.

She actually told she had 3 boyfriends and the other 5 guys where nothing serious. I asked her why did she even strip, I thought it was for money but she said it was because she was rebellious and thought it was fun, partying and making money but she never slept with any of the guys.

All this is bothering me, she is the one that said she loves me and she claims she never told any of her previous boyfriends she loved them first, they always said it first and it was embarsssing to tell me she loved me first. And now after 3 months she is talking about settling down, I'm not sure i can even settle down with someone with this kind of past.

My previous girlfriend only had 2 partners and she is on her way to becoming a doctor, talk about screwing it up.

It sounds like based off your story that she is telling you the truth about everything. You asked her questions, and it doesn't sound ike she sugar coated anything.

As far as her telling you that she loves you. She may have fallen in love with you.

Settling down? Well, that may be too soon. At least I think it is. Although, what is her definition of settling down? Marriage, children with you? Or, dating exclusively?

As far as you not being able to handle her past, well if you don't think you can, then I would suggest not trying to handle her. Don't waste her time or yours.

Her past is her past and that will never change. It would be unfair to throw that in her face time after time.

The real question here is, do YOU think you can hadle it?

answerme_tender · Sep 16, 2010, 02:52 PM

Remember what goes around comes back around and usually knocks you on your A**, in your case Tony we can only hope!! Stop playing with this woman emotions move on hopefully you can mature and never do this to another person.

tony71 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:00 PM

I think its moving to fast, when she says settle down she means marriage. I mean we dated 2 months and started going out exclusivley for 3 months now.
Maybe it is me, I need to learn and accept it, after all she does love me and she has been upfront with me on everything so far.

I guess these days 8 guys is nothing if you are 26 or 27, maybe its in my head.. eeerrrr

Enigma1999 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by tony71

I think its moving to fast, when she says settle down she means marriage. I mean we dated 2 months and started going out exclusivley for 3 months now.
Maybe it is me, I need to learn and accept it, after all she does love me and she has been upfront with me on everything so far.

I guess these days 8 guys is nothing if you are 26 or 27, maybe its in my head.. eeerrrr

8, 28, what difference does that make? You shouldn't judge her for that. There were men that I dated who had been with 20+ women, and their were men that I dated who had only been with a few. I never once judged them for that. It was how I was treated by them that mattered.

And if she treats you with love and respect, then I would say you got it good, buddy.

Kitkat22 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:19 PM

If you can't get past this you two do not need to be together.

Devorameira · Sep 16, 2010, 03:38 PM

Sounds to me like she's been honest and upright with you, now it's time for you to do the same. Talk to her and tell her how you feel.

If you absolutely can't get over it and if you're going to throw it in her face every chance you get, then you need to hit the door... cause she deserves better.

tony71 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:42 PM

Its weird when I look at other forums, it's the guys that seem to be bothered by their girlfriends past, but you do not see posts by the women posting that their boyfriends past bothers them. Why is that? Maybe us guys still need to mature more?

Kitkat22 · Sep 16, 2010, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by tony71

Its weird when I look at other forums, its the guys that seem to be bothered by their girlfriends past, but you do not see posts by the women posting that their boyfriends past bothers them. Why is that? Maybe us guys still need to mature more?

I think women are more understanding when it comes to a mans past. I look at it this way... my husband's past has nothing to do with our life now nor does mine. When you love someone you look beyond the past and you thank God every day you have that person in your life. :)

Cat1864 · Sep 16, 2010, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by tony71

I'm not sure i can even settle down with someone with this kind of past.

My previous girlfriend only had 2 partners and she is on her way to becoming a doctor, talk about screwing it up.

These two lines jumped out at me. Are you comparing this girlfriend with your ex? What does the ex having 2 (well at least 3 partners counting you) and becoming a doctor have to do with the current girlfriend and her past? Is it really her past or that her 'future' doesn't look as promising as the ex?

Let her know that things are moving too fast for you if that is truth. Don't use the speed at which the relationship is going as an excuse to break up if it is really her past that you are having issues with. She deserves the truth.

You don't have to like what she has done. However, you do not have the right to make her feel bad about her past or use it against her. As has been said, IF you can't handle her past and accept her for the person she is, then let her go.

tony71 · Nov 8, 2010, 09:17 AM

So this weekend after going out couple of months, she tells me she was married before. She hid this from me for this long? Her excuse is she was afraid to tell me and that she may lose me and that she was not even in love with the guy but was in a situation where she was kicked out by her roommate and thought if she signed the papers with the guy things would be OK in her life..

Seems women always have some kind of excuses for their bs!

Enigma1999 · Nov 8, 2010, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by tony71

So this weekend after going out couple of months, she tells me she was married before. She hid this from me for this long?? Her excuse is she was afraid to tell me and that she may lose me and that she was not even in love with the guy but was in a situation where she was kicked out by her roommate and thought if she signed the papers with the guy things would be ok in her life..

Seems women always have some kind of excuses for their bs!!

Ok, so this may seem a little harsh, but you were judging her for her past before, so perhaps she was afraid that you would just judge her again...

I'm not trying to justify her not telling you about her past marriage, however, if someone were to judge me for things I have done, (well I wouldn't be with them) but in her case, maybe she had to make sure you really cared about her before she could tell you that.

Are they still married or divorced?

answerme_tender · Nov 8, 2010, 09:48 AM

So you think women always have some king of excuses for their BS! Don't you think that sounds just a little bit caveman. Your lumping all of us individual woman in one group, tsk,tsk,tsk

The problem here is that you are looking for every excuse there is to not to have a relationship with this woman. I think you need to just man up and move on. You already played judge and jury when you typed your first post back in September.

tony71 · Nov 8, 2010, 10:13 AM

It is true what you say, she did say that I was going to judge her again.
I will need a few days for things to get back to normal then meet with her so she can tell me. I'm not even sure if they are still married or divorced, that is a question I need to ask her.

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Ok, so this may seem a little harsh, but you were judging her for her past before, so perhaps she was afraid that you would just judge her again....

I'm not trying to justify her not telling you about her past marriage, however, if someone were to judge me for things I have done, (well I wouldn't be with them) but in her case, maybe she had to make sure you really cared about her before she could tell you that.

Are they still married or divorced?

tony71 · Nov 8, 2010, 10:16 AM

I should take back what I said, it was just out of anger. It sounds unfair to say that.. I did play judge and jury with the first post and after that I thought everything was going OK, until she told me this whole thing about being married..

Originally Posted by answerme_tender

So you think women always have some king of excuses for their BS! Dont you think that sounds just alittle bit caveman. Your lumping all of us individual woman in one group, tsk,tsk,tsk

The problem here is that you are looking for every excuse there is to not to have a relationship with this woman. I think you need to just man up and move on. You already played judge and jury when you typed your first post back in September.

Enigma1999 · Nov 8, 2010, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by tony71

I should take back what I said, it was just out of anger. It sounds unfair to say that.. I did play judge and jury with the first post and after that I thought everything was going ok, until she told me this whole thing about being married..

Well, I must say that I am impressed with your response.

The fact that you can admit your flaws is very mature.

You need to just let go of her past and either make this work or let her go.

I know you know that, so I believe that you will run with this.

tony71 · Nov 8, 2010, 11:42 AM

Thank you.

Originally Posted by Enigma1999

Well, I must say that I am impressed with your response.

The fact that you can admit your flaws is very mature.

You need to just let go of her past and either make this work or let her go.

I know you know that, so I believe that you will run with this.

answerme_tender · Nov 8, 2010, 12:50 PM

Tony71

I actually think you need to move on and put this relationship out of its misery. I don't think your EVER going to come to grips with her past, and will always hold them over her head in any disagreement you may have. You haven't really been dating all that long, and for you to have WORK at even TRYING to trust her, is a hugh warning signal that I feel you are just not paying attention too. Honestly, just in my opinion I think your infatuated with her outward appearance,but unable to accept different choices she has made. You are being unfair by dragging this out, to both her and yourself.

If you had a friend come up to you and explain the same situation that he is having with his relationship, what advice woud you give him!

tony71 · Nov 8, 2010, 02:14 PM

Im going to try my best and make it work, I have agreed to meet and tallk things over.. You know you have a good question, what kind of advice would I give a friend if he was in my shoes? I would not know, I may have to think about it..

Originally Posted by answerme_tender

Tony71

I actually think you need to move on and put this relationship out of its misery. I dont think your EVER going to come to grips with her past, and will always hold them over her head in any disagreement you may have. You havent really been dating all that long, and for you to have WORK at even TRYING to trust her, is a hugh warning signal that I feel you are just not paying attention too. Honestly, just in my opinion I think your infatuated with her outward appearance,but unable to accept different choices she has made. You are being unfair by dragging this out, to both her and yourself.

If you had a friend come up to you and explain the exact same situation that he is having with his relationship, what advice woud you give him!!