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Bethanie · Sep 10, 2010, 02:20 AM

I have had a rough start to life... my dad is gay (but is still in the closet)and when I started school my teacher was also gay but gays HATE with a pasion other gays who are not open about their sexuality. Having dixlysia didn't help that. So this teacher picked on me, the last thing he said to me was when I left my primary school "You may aswell stop now because you wont go anywhere in life". He hammered me with negative things about me in grade 4 and 5, I later moved schools in grade 6.

- my brother also doesn't talk to me which breaks my heart and makes me extreamly jelous when I see my friends playing with their sibblings.

So... I want something bad to happen to me, because I feeel as though I have to prove myself. To anyone I know, I seem like the perthect person... I would say I'm fairly pretty I'm very sociable I try extreamly hard in school to prove that dyxlexia is only a challenge, I'm also spiritually advanced! Everyone also thinks my family situation is fine. People who know about my gay dad etc etc think that it wouldn't be hard.

(I also have tried burrning myself once.. I don't know why I just did it)

I don't know how to stop wanting something terrible to happen to me?

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 02:32 AM

Hi, Bethanie!

Would you mind sharing the approximate grade level you're currently at in school, please?

Thanks!

Bethanie · Sep 10, 2010, 02:35 AM

Im in grade 10 :)

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 03:57 AM

How far apart in age are you and your brother?

Bethanie · Sep 10, 2010, 04:06 AM

My brother has just recently turned 20 so were about 5ish years apart... he doesn't talk to me because I ussed to be very close to my dad, and he was extreamly close to my mum. He even helped my mum get out of the destructive relation ship with my dad(there divorced). So when they divorced I became unbelivebly close to my mum because my dad had been shielding me from her(he is a bit posssesive and controlling) and my brother saw that I was close to my mum and got jelouse.. he has been jelouse of me ever since I was born because dad liked me and hated my brother (since he was male). He thinks I'm the prized child in the family evryone thinks I'm perthect... I guess I just want people to know that I face difficult things in life too, I just don't fly through life perthectly!

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 04:11 AM

Okay. It's really late for me, Bethanie and I need to get some sleep. Please think positive thoughts and not think about hurting yourself. Okay?

If there are "scars" in your life, you can turn them into "stars". But, a good part of doing that is by the choices that you make. No one but you can make those choices. You can even influence others for the choices that they make by being a good example for them to follow.

If you have a counselor at school, then please speak with that person. I'm sure that there will also be others who will respond to you on this thread.

Are you safe right now, please?

Bethanie · Sep 10, 2010, 04:14 AM

Thanks for the advice:) I feel much better talking to someone, and yes I don't think I could ever bring myself to self harm again.

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 04:16 AM

I didn't see your last post before I posted the last time.

Five years difference in ages is really quite a bit of a difference between siblings at your ages. It can be very difficult to be "buds" with a sibling who's that much older.

We can't control how people think. But, we can work to try to understand why they might think the way that they do. There's oftentimes more to a story than "meets the eye". By your brother already being around awhile before you were born, probably made it difficult for him since he had been used to being the only child up to that time.

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 04:17 AM

Originally Posted by Bethanie

Thanks for the advice:) i feel much better talking to someone, and yes i dont think i could ever bring myself to self harm agian.

That's definitely REALLY GOOD! :)

Clough · Sep 10, 2010, 04:39 AM

I'm sure that others will be along, Bethanie. You're not going to be alone here and you will get support!

I've alerted at least one other person to your thread. But, please know that sometimes it can take a lot of patience to use this site because it can take awhile for the best people to come along.

I do wish and pray only the best for you! :)