[Homegirl 50]

Have you met the ex, do you two have any kind of relationship?
You do need to speak with you wife though and let her know you're not understanding why this family outing is going to be a regular thing. I mean why did they divorce?

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry I see this as a totally bad thing, you are divorced, he is divorced and the kids do not need to get the idea that mom and dad are getting back together.

Sorry , I think I see why he is divorced once, ( telling you not asking) and most likely why he will soon be divorced twice.

Persoanlly I would tell him if he goes, don't bother coming back.

[Kitkat22]

Where is your ex wife? Do you get along with her?

[Enigma1999]

Hello again,

It's me alone in here on this one.

I'm a strange bird though.

What I mentioned before in my previous post is just my opinion. If I were married or had a boyfriend, I would ask if they felt comfortable, if not then that would put an end to that.

Had she put it to Total like that, then perhaps he wouldn't be here in this situation. Or perhaps if they all went together and she included him and his family, then he would feel more at ease.

Again, this is what works for me and it's just my opinion on this.

I thinks it's good that Total veiw every aspect even if he doesn't like what is said ( I mean mine, not anyone elses). No disrespect.

[talaniman]

While I can see how important this whole thing could be, I really don't like the ways its done. A bit of upfront honesty makes it okay in my book, but shoving it down my throat, at the last minute with no warning, or discussion, just doesn't work for me. Sorry, but if it was that important seems a talk at least would have been in order. Is this a deal breaker? Maybe NOT, but the rest of the relationship better be picture perfect.

[Kitkat22]

While I can see how important this whole thing could be, I really don't like the ways its done. A bit of upfront honesty makes it okay in my book, but shoving it down my throat, at the last minute with no warning, or discussion, just doesn't work for me. Sorry, but if it was that important seems a talk at least would have been in order. Is this a deal breaker? Maybe NOT, but the rest of the relationship better be picture perfect.

I wonder how she would feel (the wife) if hubby called his ex and made weekend plans for a movie and dinner afterward he, his ex and the kids.

[talaniman]

I have never been divorced, let alone remarried, and would have to ask why this was never discussed before. Seems you have a right to know what the real deal is, or take that crap, and shove it. Wonder what YOUR kids think about this? Is it fair at all?

Why is this making my skin crawl?

[Kitkat22]

I have never been divorced, let alone remarried, and would have to ask why this was never discussed before. Seems you have a right to know what the real deal is, or take that crap, and shove it. Wonder what YOUR kids think bout this? Is it fair at all??

Why is this making my skin crawl?

Brecause like all of us know there is something wrong with this. I wouldn't put up with it for five minutes. She wants to hang on and why I don't know.

[Enigma1999]

I have never been divorced, let alone remarried, and would have to ask why this was never discussed before. Seems you have a right to know what the real deal is, or take that crap, and shove it. Wonder what YOUR kids think bout this? Is it fair at all??

Why is this making my skin crawl?

Is it fair at all? No!

That's something that doesn't sit well with me either. I'm sitting here reading this over and over again. It doesn't make sense. The fact that this wasn't discussed prior to the marriage.


Total, did you ask what if the tables were turned? How would she take it?

[Kitkat22]

Is it fair at all? No!

That's something that doesn't sit well with me either. I'm sitting here reading this over and over again. It doesn't make sense. The fact that this wasn't discussed prior to the marriage.


Total, did you ask what if the tables were turned? How would she take it?

Good question. I also asked if his wife's ex had remarried? If so how does she feel? Where is your ex wife?

[Enigma1999]

Good question. I also asked if his wife's ex had remarried? If so how does she feel? Where is your ex wife?

I guess we will just have to wait to see when he returns to answer all of our questions.

[totalidiot2010]

Is it fair at all? No!

That's something that doesn't sit well with me either. I'm sitting here reading this over and over again. It doesn't make sense. The fact that this wasn't discussed prior to the marriage.


Total, did you ask what if the tables were turned? How would she take it?

No, I didn't ask if the tables were turned. I didn't think it was relevant. The overall point here is that I disagree with it, and therefore there should be some discussion about why... not rationalizations about why its best for the kids sake. What about the sake of our marriage, and respect for it? There are plenty of opportunities to see the kids, so a separately planned exclusive outing is complete bull**** in my opinion.

[totalidiot2010]

Have you met the ex, do you two have any kind of relationship?
You do need to speak with you wife though and let her know you're not understanding why this family outing is going to be a regular thing. I mean why did they divorce?

I have no relationship with the ex. I do not harbor any animosity, but I'm not sure I will ever understand why that would make any sense.

They got a divorce because he was a mime.

[Kitkat22]

No, I didn't ask if the tables were turned. I didn't think it was relevant. The overall point here is that I disagree with it, and therefore there should be some discussion about why...not rationalizations about why its best for the kids sake. What about the sake of our marriage, and respect for it? There are plenty of opportunities to see the kids, so a separately planned exclusive outing is complete bull**** in my opinion.

Then tell her you don't like the idea. As I said before, how would she feel if you did the same thing with your ex?

[totalidiot2010]

Where is your ex wife? Do you get along with her?

My ex wife is likely getting her hair done. I get along with her via text.

[totalidiot2010]

Then tell her you don't like the idea. As I said before, how would she feel if you did the same thing with your ex?

Oh trust me, I told her I didn't like the idea. But I was told that its best for the kids to have divorced mom and dad take them places together, just like old times. Apparently I am unreasonable.

My concern was met with rationalizations and pushback... not considerations for she and I.

[Kitkat22]

My ex wife is likely getting her hair done. I get along with her via text.

He was a MIME? As in mime?

[totalidiot2010]

He was a MIME? As in mime?

The dude rarely spoke.

[Kitkat22]

the dude rarely spoke.

Well, I think you need to tell her you and your ex are going to do the same thing. What's fair for her is fair for you. I don't like game playing at all, but see how she reacts. There has to be a solution or it's going to damage your marriage. I can't believe she didn't tell you this before you married. That was very wrong of her.

[Jake2008]

This is one of those things where it is not okay with you, that she is spending 12 hours with her ex, and her kids on an outing.

And to add to that, the prospect of more of the same.

My opinion aside (I can only guess what that would feel like to be in your shoes), your needs are not being met, and there are other children here, who are likely going to be affected down the road, should these outings continue as they are. Without balance.

It is a whole picture, not just this part or that part. The actions of one, affect everybody. What kind of signals is the ex husband getting, what are their children thinking. What are your children thinking. I imagine it is confusing to them, and the only one this makes sense to is your wife. For some reason, her need to keep up with family outings with a family that no longer exists, must have more to it than just a day at the park.

The time for them to do regular family outings is over. They are no longer a family, as in husband, wife, kids.

And more of the same, with future outings already on the table, is inappropriate.

You may have to insist on some boundaries here. One might be that if she is doing this just for the sake of the kids (which may or may not be an excuse), then tell her all future outings will be her, you, and ALL the kids. The new family in other words, that she has a priority to, and doesn't exclude anybody. Except her ex.

What nags at me the most about this is, why. Why does she need the ex at all. He is the past. Their parenting days together are over. Why does she think that everybody should accept her decision, without compromise, just because she wants what she wants.

You have every reason to have expectations when you marry somebody. The first one is honesty, and I've yet to hear a reason for her actions. The second one is trust, and how can you trust someone who figures it's okay to have an ongoing relationship with an ex. And that is really what it is.

If my husband walked out the door to spend 12 hours on an outing with his ex, and their two children, I would be questioning everything. But, add to that that she's dug her heels in, and this will be a regular routine in YOUR life, I would be inclined to say that this has to be put on the table, and you need answers. Why she is doing it, and why she won't stop.

Just the fact that she made an arbitrary decision that only seems to satisfy her need to be with her ex, without you, and only their children, and not all the children, leaves me thinking that something is simmering with her, and needs to be dealt with.

And further, whatever that is, to know there is more coming- what's next- a ski getaway?

An outing could mean many things, but the bottom line is, her version of an outing is odd.