[dail621]

This girl, and I have been very good friends for a long time but, nothing more than just that. We were just friends. My parents wen't out of town and left me the house for a few days. She asked if I wanted to hang out and we agreed to hang out at my house and just watch a movie or something. Possibly because she's absolutely gorgeous or we were just "in the mood" one thing led to another and we ended up in my bed. We had sex and then she asked if she could stay the night so I agreed and we slept together... Then woke up and had sex again... and again.

Now here is the problem. I am recovering from a string of very bad relationships and have been single now for close to two months and loving every second of it. She just got out of a very long and bad, and I was just recently informed, physically abusive relationship with a guy for 3 years.

Honestly I don't believe either of us are ready for a another relationship right now and frankly, I don't want one.



How am I supposed to tell her that I don't want to date without coming off as a douche bag that just used her?

Thanks


We are both 18.

[Homegirl 50]

Then you are old enough to think for a few minutes with your upper brain.
You kissed and messed around, you had time to stop this, you didn't.
You could have sent her home, you didn't, you could have not had sex with her the next morning, you didn't.

Do the right thing now. Tell her you don't think either one of you needs to be in a relationship now and what happened should not happen again.

[descoladan]

I have to agree homegirl 50. You two were both 18 and able to make decisions for yourselves. You could have just said no and you wouldn't be in this situation, but lets not dwell on what's already happened.

Tell her how its two soon after her breakup to start up another relationship. Explain to her how you two were just caught up in the moment and it wouldn't be right to start dating and lose the friendship you two had.

[redhed35]

Has it crossed your mind that she does not want a relationship either?

Has she given you any reason to think otherwise?

[dail621]

Yeah, I know sleeping with her was a big mistake. But we all make mistakes...

I guess blatant honestly is the only answer to this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redhed35
Has it crossed your mind that she does not want a relationship either?

Has she given you any reason to think otherwise?

And yes, she has made very obvious hints that she wants to date.

[Homegirl 50]

Have to spread some rep redhed35, good point!
She could not want one with you either.
You two need to stay away from each other for a while at the least. No point playing with something neither of you need or want.

[redhed35]

And yes, she has made very obvious hints that she wants to date.

Then my advice is the same as the other posters..

Be straight up and honest.

Hopefully you used a condom each time before intercourse took place.

[Homegirl 50]

Yeah, I know sleeping with her was a big mistake. But we all make mistakes...

I guess blatant honestly is the only answer to this one.

Dude, you made that mistake several times that evening and into the morning so lets not call it a mistake. I hope you used protection.
Come clean with this girl.

[dail621]

You two need to stay away from each other for a while at the least. No point playing with something neither of you need or want.

I know staying away for a bit is the best. But that's obviously not what's on her mind...
She just left a hour ago and already has called me once and sent me two texts.

[Homegirl 50]

Then you need to talk to her. Be honest about what happened.
Don't be a coward by ignoring her. You call her and tell her this was something you two should not have done and you don't want a relationship.

[dail621]

So my only question now is...
Do I say it too her face or through phone?

I've got the guts to admit to something I've messed up on to her face but what if she doesn't want to see me after I tell her?

So is the phone a better option? Even though its less personal...

[Homegirl 50]

If she does not want to see you again fine, she shouldn't anyway for a while. But if this messes up the friendship that is the price you pay for being reckless.

I don't know her, but I would imagine she is going to be humiliated enough but you should tell her as soon as possible. Return her call and tell her. I don't think you two ought to be in the same room with each other again for a while

[dail621]

Yeah... I know what I need to do.

Thank you all for your advice.

[redhed35]

You had a one night stand,that was all it was.

A phone call about now will sort it out once and for all without her getting her hopes up that it was something more.

You might get an ear full,but she was there too,your both 18 and both made the decision,this is not all down to you.

She also made the decision to have sex with you,she might be cool about it,you won't know unless you call.

Either put her out of her misery,or you out of yours.

[Homegirl 50]

I wish you well.
I wish you both well.

[martinizing2]

So my only question now is...
Do I say it too her face or through phone?

I've got the guts to admit to something I've messed up on to her face but what if she doesn't want to see me after I tell her?

So is the phone a better option? Even though its less personal...

Be man enough to do it in person. I think you already know this and was hoping to be told otherwise.

Just out of respect for the long friendship you shared I think she deserves a face to face.

I wish you well

[talaniman]

Real men own up to their mistakes, and don't run and hide from the consequences of their actions. That's life. But she bares half the blame, and the fallout from her actions. You just have to be honest about yours. (face to face).

Hope you learn the lesson of crossing the boundaries of friendships, and lovers.