[AshesoftheRose]

All right, I'm a 17 year old in West Virginia and, though I have no problem with GBLT folks, I'm getting tired of being called a lesbian. I do martial arts and piano, I enjoy climbing and painting, I love rock and classical. I think my hobbies are pretty balanced, so why do I keep getting asked out by girls? I hang out with guys too, and I don't get approached by half as many.

I mean, it wouldn't bug me as much if my UB roommate and I didn't get looks from the teachers. Everyone thought my best friend and I were an item. Now I know why the counselors kept popping into our room randomly. Once I found out through the grape vine I cut off those rumors, but afterwords I got asked out by three different girls in only four weeks. Since then I've been approached by two more this summer.

Is there something wrong with me?

[Oddboots]

People love making assumptions. Maybe you give out a strong 'girlfriend' energy.

Wear more lipstick and dresses and really make them wonder.

[talaniman]

People who are young, and open hit on whatever they like, so you may well have to accept the fact that you will attract them. That comes with the territory (college, diverse, party scene where many are having their first taste of freedom from their local, traditional constraints). Now you can change your outward appearance, but I doubt that helps any, or you can be comfortable in your own skin, and politely decline them, and take it as a compliment, because you, like them are in a different environment, and have to make adjustments.

While this may be all new to you now, its probably normal, and as time progresses, it will be no big deal, unless you make it one. Its probably more about them, and the way they see their world, than you any way.

[cdad]

Is it possible its related to how you look or carry yourself? Maybe that's what people are mistaking for something else.

[AshesoftheRose]

People who are young, and open hit on whatever they like, so you may well have to accept the fact that you will attract them. That comes with the territory (college, diverse, party scene where many are having their first taste of freedom from their local, traditional constraints). Now you can change your outward appearance, but I doubt that helps any, or you can be comfortable in your own skin, and politely decline them, and take it as a compliment, because you, like them are in a different environment, and have to make adjustments.

While this may be all new to you now, its probably normal, and as time progresses, it will be no big deal, unless you make it one. Its probably more about them, and the way the see their world, than you any way.

Thank you for your advice. I know it shouldn't bother me so much, but for some reason or other it does. When you're spoken to or treated a certain way by so many people it seems like the general opinion is being voiced, and Your own thoughts of your image ad appearance might be wrong. Though I never understood how people could bend under peer pressure, I think I do now. Ouch.

@calidadof3: It might be. I hate dresses but can stand skirts on occasion, but cross-dressing isn't that big of a deal for girls nowadays. I only wear jenes because they're what's comfortable for me. And of course because I hike a lot it would be impractical to own a ton of lacy things. They would just get torn up, and that would be such a waste.

Perhaps I'm too laid back? I really should stop wandering off and sleeping in strange places. My friends keep telling me they' re getting sick of waking me up in the afternoon when I hide out under stairwells and locker rooms.

[NeedKarma]

I really should stop wandering off and sleeping in strange places. My friends keep telling me they' re getting sick of waking me up in the afternoon when I hide out under stairwells and locker rooms.

??

[AshesoftheRose]

???

Remember Kindergarten nap time? Yeah I never got over it when they took that away. To this day I still get tired in the middle of the day. When I'm at school and this happens I usually just turn on my mp4 player and wander around until I find a place to lay down. Some times I go lay down under the old wing stair well. As it's very inconvenient and seldom used, it's usually void of life besides smokers every so often.

I hag out there when I need a place to sleep and not be found by pranksters. Sorry that didn't make sense. n_n

[talaniman]

Lol, maybe they think your just so different, that they are fishing for a category to put you in. Next semester you maybe classed with the hippies!

[dontknownuthin]

People are asking you out and women are really critical of other women, so first, take it as a compliment - you are obviously a very attractive young lady.

It sounds like you're aware that your personal style is more geared toward outdoor adventure than attracting boys, so that might be confusing some people. What I would do would be:

- wear your comfortable stuff but buy the girl version... Almost everything from jeans and flannel shirts to polar fleece comes in girl's styles and colors. It might take some getting used to if you are used to hiding yourself in oversized boy clothes, but go for it. They will be designed to fit your body better, and will be more fitted and flattering. If you like them loose, just wear a larger size but it will have more feminine detailing - maybe the sweatshirt will be hot pink instead of red, the shoes will be purple instead of khaki.

Also consider adding some feminine accessories like earrings, a little makeup, something in your hair like a ribbon or barretts. Things can be practical if you're a practical girl, but consider what they look like, too. LIke if you want to keep your hair out of your face, you might as well use something pretty to do the job.

And finally, you can tell people what you like. If someone mentions a boy you think is cute you can say, "you're right - he's hot!" If some girl asks you out tell them, "that's nice of you but you're mistaken - I'm only into boys". And feel free to flirt with boys a little. Do it your way - you don't have to go dizzy flipping your hair like a cheerleader, but you can compliment a guy who does a great stunt on a skateboard or otherwise genuinely impresses you. Even ask them to teach you how to do that cool stunt, or if they've hiked a certain demanding trail, or climbed in a spot you're considering. You can ask boys out, too - ask them to do something fun and active so you don't feel pressured to talk about certain things or act a certain way - invite them to go with you where you are comfortable with yourself.

Take care!

[eawoodall]

I have always had problems with people presuming I am gay because I am graceful.
Guys have the same rights as girls, and can refuse to have sex. I am not here to have sex with every girl that asks me.
I have trained in martial arts all my life. I have many very high ranks in martial arts. Many people presume if you are moving well, and easily with grace that you are not straight. It is because most people don't know martial arts or how it is 'knowing how to move' and doing so.

I sympathize. I am probably way too old for you. So do not write me private notes on askmehelpdesk.com
I am not going to date you. I get a lot of women who want me to date them. I am picky. I am careful.
I do not date a girl (and that is all I date) unless I know that it can be useful and helpful and we click personality wise and so forth.
I know you would not be interested in some old master (ancient) but I wanted to point out I won't date you publicly so others would not think bad of me.

[dontknownuthin]

eawoodall - I'm sure you're a nice guy but I don't think this young lady said anything about dating you! Too funny!

[AshesoftheRose]

i have always had problems with people presuming i am gay because i am graceful.
guys have the same rights as girls, and can refuse to have sex. i am not here to have sex with every girl that asks me.
i have trained in martial arts all my life. i have many very high ranks in martial arts. many people presume if you are moving well, and easily with grace that you are not straight. it is because most people don't know martial arts or how it is 'knowing how to move' and doing so.

i sympathize. i am probably way too old for you. so do not write me private notes on askmehelpdesk.com
i am not going to date you. i get alot of women who want me to date them. i am picky. i am careful.
i do not date a girl (and that is all i date) unless i know that it can be useful and helpful and we click personality wise and so forth.
i know you would not be interested in some old master (ancient) but i wanted to point out i won't date you publically so others would not think bad of me.

I don't date people I meet online. It's a personal rule. So I'd rather you not even suggest it. On another note, why would you think I would want to date you? That's really creepy. I've never even met you.

[AshesoftheRose]

eawoodall - I'm sure you're a nice guy but I don't think this young lady said anything about dating you! Too funny!

Thank you! Someone give this fabulous person here a cookie.

[aimee_tt]

LOL where did he come from?! Bit strange to just come out with that.

[LN232]

As a lesbian your age I think I might be able to shed some light on the topic. Most of these girls that hit on you (I'm asuming they are 17 as well) have most likely come out in the past two or three years. Meaning they haven't had much practice in picking out which girls are... of a similar persuasion. Gaydar is just subconsciously picking up behavior in others that we notice in ourselves. Wearing more or less make up won't make a diffrence, nor will wearing dresses or girlier clothes. It could be the littlest things (the way you speak, body language and posture, interest and disinterests (though your hobbies do sound pretty balenced). So I suppose you're just one of those straight girls that attracts gay girls. They probably just get that vibe. As you (and they) get older they'll get better at figuring out who plays for what team. As for the general public, my best advise is ignore them. I know it's iritating but being labeled gay isn't the worst thing in the world (though I know you aren't). I get called all the names in the book, I get harassed when I'm out with a girl, there have been a few instances where my physical safetey has been threatened. So I know it sucks. Just try not to let it get to you. People will notice. If you were gay having people call you a dyke or faggot would piss you off a lot more. They're more likley to stop if you don't get angry.