[HeartTrips]

All threads merged

My girlfriend's boss is in love with her. She has told me it will never happen and she isn't going too quit her job because he loves her. Even though its not right that this guy is in love with her when she isn't available. Well my dilemma is this.

They are moving stores and so she told me today that after work she is going to the new store with him to look over the layout and meet with the contractor at 7pm and she will be back by 9pm. Well I didn't hear about it till today and she isn't back yet and I haven't heard from her.

Is it wrong for me to be concerned even if I trust her. I mean this guy loves her.

[hheath541]

Maybe the meeting took longer than expected. If you trust her, then you shouldn't worry yet.

[AmericanGirl01]

If you trust her, it shouldn't really matter if this guy has feelings for her

Its how she feels that's important.

[Stringer]

So I assume that she has been gone for over two hours? Have you called her, after all you can say that you were concerned because she is running late and you want to make sure that all is OK? She hasn't been involved in an accident or something.

Just curious, how did you gain this information about his being in lve with her?

[HeartTrips]

she told me back when we were friends and then I mentioned in a few weeks back and she replied that even their delivery guy pointed out that he was in love with her. She said what do you want me to do quit my job? It bothers me she said but what am I suppose to do, I love my job and he pays me well.

I told her that I would never want her to quit her job but its not good that he is in love with her, she is not single. She says that he has never done anything and if he did then she would do something about it but she isn't going to do anything when its all being assumed.

I don't like the situation at all but I do trust her comepletely. It just fkn hurts to know that this guy even though she doesn't like him and he is only her boss, gets to control the situation and have her jump to his needs whenever he wants her too. Its not friggn right if you ask me.

I know that through my trusting her it doesn't matter but I don't think she should be going after work hours to her new work site as of next week to meet with a contractor and see how things are going to work. Its not even this that bothers me.

It's the fact that this guy is a bullter with a hidden agenda imo. He is manipulating her imo. This guy is so full of himself and into power and If I didn't have faith and trust I really couldn't stand it, because I want to say I can't stand it.


I know that this guy is such a duck that he gets off on being in love with her and in his mind she is with him even though its just a working relationship. My love is such a sweet girl that she can't see my side of the equation. Am I wrong? I don't hold this against her... I love her and accepted this when we got together...

[I wish]

If you trust her, then trust that she's acting in her best interest and taking your feelings into consideration.

The problem isn't this guy who loves her, it's your level of trust in her.

[hheath541]

I know that this guy is such a duck that he gets off on being in love with her and in his mind she is with him even though its just a working relationship. My love is such a sweet girl that she can't see my side of the equation. Am i wrong? I don't hold this against her...I love her and accepted this when we got together....

Why do you think he's convinced they're together?

It's much more likely that he realizes that no matter how attracted to her he is, he can't have her because she's not single. He probably enjoys spending time with her and finds any excuse to do so, but that's true of ANYONE with a crush.

It seems like you're just worried and getting angry because you don't know what's going on. It's a natural reaction, but you need to take a step back from the anger. If he's never tried anything with her, then he knows where he stands in her life (squarely in the 'boss' position) and he's not deluding himself into thinking they're together. If he were delusional, then he WOULD'VE tried something before now.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Heart,

First off, she can't help how others may feel about her. That is beyond her control... If this man "loves" her, well then... OK.

If she really loves and cares for you, then she will be true to you. You should put more trust into her.

Maybe the meeting ran late. Do not worry until you have to worry.

I am pretty sure there is nothing going on. At least with her.

Also, people are going to do what they want to do, so if for some reason she does pursue him, well, then that's beyond YOUR control.

Don't stress yourself out with this, as I am sure everything will be OK. Not to mention, she was real upfront and honest with you in the first place by telling you the feelings he has towards her,

Does that make sense?

[hungtoronto]

I don't think being too honest is a good idea. Something are on a need to know basis. Because it make you paranoid if you know too much like this case. Would it be better if she said she will be late because she is busy at work and not going in too much details because knowing that you'll worry? Would that solve your problem? After all relationship is based on trust and as long as she's not cheating she's not doing anything wrong.

[talaniman]

Is it wrong for me to be concerned even if I trust her. I mean this guy loves her.

Concerned about what? Give her your love and trust by not getting carried away, and doing something stupid like acting like a kid and wanting to know what happened or why she was late, or anything that makes her think your not calm, cool, and collected, and show confidence that she can handle her business in a forthright way.

What the boss feels doesn't matter. You showing faith, confidence, and trust in her does.

Let her fill you in, and don't jump her at the door. After merging your threads and seeing the hell you caught over a kiss, I am shocked that your still together, and am I right you live together now?

[HeartTrips]

Threads merged

Was it wrong for me to want to get help from this forum? I don't think so.

I just wanted to say hi to all those who I consider friends in here. Thanks to all you who took the time to answer me and give helpful advice.

I've battled my own demons in this thread. I beat them! Thanks for all he help and I hope I can return the help.

I wasn't understanding that I just needed to be myself.

I am is a trusting caring open affectionate emotional hardworking diligent unafraid person.

I was most of these things in the relationship that you all can read about here, but the two that I haven't allowed myself to be were the two most important things as to who I am.

The first is I express how I feel with words in regards to someone I like romantically.

The second is someone who expresses themselves physically.

I learned how to do that through an amazingly patient woman tonight just by her being frustrated and sad. We had a conversation where somewhere in it I realized I just had to be myself if I wanted to kiss her or tell her I love her. Not question it but do it and do it how I am, which is so loving and caring for others.

It hurts to know there is poverty and dishonesty in the world... poverty that costs lives and dishonesty that breaks apart homes.

Jesus said the sum of all the commandments is do unto others as you would have them do unto you. He said to put all you have through him and you will have everlasting life. He promises so much love and all your dreams.

Just believe it and trust it and react with your emotions according to the joy and humbleness and hopes beyond your wildest dreams will be achieved.

Tal I never responded to what you said and I want to because you have been fair with me and I want to return that to you.


Concerned about what? Give her your love and trust by not getting carried away, and doing something stupid like acting like a kid and wanting to know what happened or why she was late, or anything that makes her think your not calm, cool, and collected, and show confidence that she can handle her business in a forthright way.

Amen. Thank-you for the appropriate mature only responsible advice.

What the boss feels doesn't matter. You showing faith, confidence, and trust in her does.

Amen.

Let her fill you in, and don't jump her at the door. After merging your threads and seeing the hell you caught over a kiss, I am shocked that your still together, and am I right you live together now?

We are not living together my friend. We don't want to rush into a relationship of the magnitude as we believe its best to keep some things for marrige such as not living together until we are married.

Fair enough that you ask these questions and could only see that because all you can go by is what I write. So thanks for all your help I appreciate it friend.

I'm a loving honest person and she is all that and more too.

We haven't kissed since lent started as that was something we thought we could sacrifice for lent, even though we aren't catholic or christian.
We just believe in the message and the promises that is spoke by Jesus from the Gospels in the Bible.

[talaniman]

Thanks for responding in such an insightful way. It brings understanding, which is easier than pulling teeth for information. LOL!

You know that the whole point in why I'm here, is to get people to see that fear, while it is a very helpful defense for emotions, and behavior, and self, can also be a very stifling, and confusing feeling. It can easily lead us to many bad decisions, and behaviors.

Its so important to know ones self very well, and be able to cope with those feelings in a way that leads us to good decisions, and being able to overcome that fear, with facts, understanding of self, and choosing our path through life that works best for us.

Mostly experience is a heckuva teacher, as we grow and learn, but everyday is a learning experience about ourselves, and how we interact with the world, and others.

Sometimes the advice given is based on those experiences, and seems to be the same, but that in no way reflects the uniqueness of individuals we encounter on this site, but does reflect the learned lessons, and experiences of us all here, in trying to suggest a good path to take.
Its seldom about the partners, but about how the OP feels about themselves, and that is how they see their own reality, and how they cope with others, and their circumstances.
That's the whole key to decision making, and coping with the world, and whatever else life throws at you, good or bad, how you cope with it, and well grounded people, who know who they are, and what they stand for, and are happy with that knowledge, tend to deal with the reality of life much better.
None of us is perfect, but we do have to try to be the best we can, and do our best for ourselves.

It sounds like your really getting that understanding of yourself, and for that I applaud you, and am really happy about your awakening. I also appreciate the good words, and the insights you have gained, as I know I can be aggressive in getting facts that offends many, which is not my intention, as its understanding that is sought.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel free to ask any questions you have, and be a part of this rather unique online family, and share with us. I learn from others all the time, and that's a great experience.

[HeartTrips]

Threads merged

Ive learned a lot, you all were probably right. Her and I shared so many special things, but since she broke up with me so she could feel like the one who did nothing wrong, I have learned a lot about myself and am keeping my best to stay focused on the present moment and not when her and I were together. I have dealt with this break up so much better then my last but two really hard break ups in a year and a half have done their toll to me.

I had ample oppurtunity when her and I were together to make it right but only till I lost her could I see the light.

[HeartTrips]

I had some self esteem issues before I met my ex girlfiend. Throughout that relationship I wasn't myself because it was the first time I had met a woman that had what I was looking for. I never thought she existed. It was like I was frozen throughout the friendship at first and then in the relationship when we took it to the next level.

I was pretty hurt from a previous break up when I became friends with my ex, I definitely over identified with sadness that controlled my everythought. I had taken on an apartment and all the rent after the break up and owned a car with very high insurance for the first time in my life. I had a couple other bills and needless to say the total of all these payments was most of my monthly income.

The trouble I had was that I was way to overcome by my sadness which was so heavily self induced and then the pressure of a woman whom I was spending time with every day that had everything I ever looked for in a woman that was in my life. I was missing a lot of time at work and over the course of the relationship I fudged the truth and lost the woman due to my over passitivy and fudging the truth about my finances.

Right now Its been over three months and I'm having a hard time getting over the woman I had waited for for so long whom I totall drove away because I couldn't get control of myself, the strong confident fun happy person I project and know myself to be.

Does anyone have any suggestions that might help? I feel so robbed of an opportunity I had waited for fer so long. Im 29.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well first you were not ready for this relationship and it "appears" in the little info you gave that perhaps you were using her for your support instead of finding yourself first.

And that is what has to happen you need to be happy with who you are,

Second you were not honest with her, a relationship will not work if you are not honest with each other completely.

And when you allowed this relationship to control your life, and then lie about it, it was unhealthy at the very lest.

So now you have learned, and you move on.

[HeartTrips]

Well first you were not ready for this relationship and it "appears" in the little info you gave that perhaps you were using her for your support instead of finding yourself first.

And that is what has to happen you need to be happy with who you are,

Second you were not honest with her, a relationship will not work if you are not honest with each other completely.

And when you allowed this relationship to control your life, and then lie about it, it was unhealthy at the very lest.

So now you have learned, and you move on.

Everything you say is true, all with what little info I gave as you mentioned.

I have learned, I have learned so much. This woman that came into my life and who I tried to be as honest as I could be. I learned things about myself that I had totally forgot. She brought so many realities that I had missed to my attention.

The first was at the point where we took our friendship to the next level, she said "all we have to do now is see if we can communicate". I had no idea what she was talking about. It made no sense to me, we had just spent three months talking everyday, going to different places and such.

The second was she said quite a few times that I think your in your head too much.

It wasn't until we broke up that I started to dive into the bookstore finding out what I could about "being in your head" meant and communication.

I've been averaging 2 books a week since we broke up. So many books and information I just can't believe I was so unaware of. I lost so much fear when we broke up, my life has changed completely. I asked for a raise I was due, I continued going to the church that her and I went too together just a different location, I joined a home church that is through the church, I have explored my city to the fullest, I have met tons of people.

I just don't get why I had to drive her away, for me to get to where I needed to be. To be happy with myself.

[HeartTrips]

I'm stuck, this woman did everything in her power to be with me, to make me see. Now I have lost her. It hurts so much. I don't know how to move on, I try so hard. I feel like I was robbed/mugged. I had know chance with the state I was in and I still won her and she won me. Yet I wasn't where I needed to be then, I'm here now. Yet she's gone. Everything we both looked for and found in each other has vanished. We brought such realities into each others lives but because I was out of touch with myself I lost her, I don't get to celebrate finally being myself with her, and to enjoy all that we had enjoyed to the fullest, without the lies, with the honesty. I'm so lost as to how to move on from this, I waited for so long.

[HeartTrips]

I feel like its wrong to even think about being with somebody else, its her I want to be with. Yet I know its not the reality of my situation right now. The realtiy is I either a)dont date for awhile or b)start dating.

I'm at a loss, I feel like I'm wasting time if I don't start dating yet I really loved this woman, and I just wasn't ready for her then.

I wish she would just give me a chance but she won't return any phone calls. It feels like I'm hurting myself by wishing she give me a chance.

[HeartTrips]

Ty chuck for your thoughtful words.

Can any women offer any words that might shed some light as to how I feel?

[HeartTrips]

I never meant or intentially used her for support, I feel bad I hurt her, I never meant to, I didn't see any other way to do things, my eyes were closed to realties because I was shut down emotionally, I couldn't feel anything, it was when she left that I began to feel, feel everything, everywhere, I came alive... I just want the woman whom won my heart.