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    beth1981's Avatar
    beth1981 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 6, 2010, 12:32 AM
    Fighting over the ex.
    I'm 28 yrs old I have been married twice. I have. One son from the first marriage and two boys from my existing marriage. My ex- husband and I are very good friends we still talk
    But my current husband does not approve of our friendship. We fight all the time
    Right now my husband and I are temporarily separated because he wants me to stop talking to my ex completely. No contact what so ever. Should I agree to his terms or not in order to save my marriage?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Jul 6, 2010, 03:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by beth1981 View Post
    . Should I agree to his terms or not in order to save my marriage?
    I think this is a no brainer, beth, unless you have some ulterior motive and still love your ex, then yes, eliminate all contact and make your present husband happy. I can completely understand why your present husband is upset. The decision is entirely up to you, not us.

    Tick
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #3

    Jul 6, 2010, 03:15 AM

    I don't quite agree Tick. She is tied to her ex through their son. Lines of communicatin must stay open in order to raise this boy.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #4

    Jul 6, 2010, 03:20 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    I don't quite agree Tick. She is tied to her ex through their son. Lines of communicatin must stay open in order to raise this boy.
    Yes, I understand what you mean and I agree that lines of communication must be left open because of their son, but this can be done without her present husband feeling that there is too much communication involved. I get the impression that her present husband doesn't think it is just platonic.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jul 6, 2010, 06:40 PM

    Maybe a compromise that works for you both, somewhere in the middle. Not as much contact.

    You have to have some just because of the child you have together so his demand is unreasonable. If he wants to leave over this let him. What is it your saving?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Jul 6, 2010, 07:06 PM

    I would say if you really love your current husband, you stop all contact that is not required for your son.

    Are you chatting and texting every day?? Are just once a week with update on child.

    Sorry friendships with past lovers are an issue, and you needed to resolve that before you got married again

    So you have to make a choice, no husband at all, or one and merely give up a ex, that is not your husband

    The fact you are even having an issue making that choice really worries me

    I would assume your current husband is now demanding NO contact since you refused to cut it down to merely on a need for child.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #7

    Jul 6, 2010, 07:10 PM

    My husbands ex and I are very close. We didn't like each other at first but through the years we have become great friends.

    She and my husband had children together.. therefore they talked on a regular basis. It bothered me at first.

    When children are involved there has to communication. My step son is my son by heart and his mom said the other day.. he has two moms.

    They talked when it was about the kids or about if she and her husband could take him on vacation.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #8

    Jul 6, 2010, 07:57 PM

    When you met your current husband were you on friendly terms with your ex-husband?

    While I agree that a compromise should be reached that works for both you and your husband, I would find it unfair if he started making demands for your relationship with the ex to change long after you became a committed couple.

    How does your husband treat your first born as compared to his biological sons?
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #9

    Jul 6, 2010, 08:24 PM

    If there are children involved those children need to know that mommy and daddy still get along.
    Divorce is hard on kids.

    Does he talk to his children's mother?

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