[KBC]

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, !"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object you are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use..

Son of a TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a " at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[Catsmine]

You might also mention:

Channel lock pliers - hinged levers used to crush threaded pipes.

[KBC]

You might also mention:

Channel lock pliers - hinged levers used to crush threaded pipes.

And also cause blood blisters:p

[Catsmine]

Then there are socket wrenches, for when a bolt is just too big to round with pliers.

[Just Dahlia]

:D LMAO... most sounded so familiar:)

[EmoPrincess]

Haha, This is the best.

Reminds me of dad working in the shop (which was our garage)

[Clough]

I love those, KBC! :)

I can definitely identify with most of them!

[twinkiedooter]

You forgot the cordless small screwdriver guaranteed to strip ANY screw with little or no effort involved. My kid calls it a "strip out" tool.

[Stringer]

Good ones Ken, I needed a laugh, thanks bud.

[Kitkat22]

Ken... This is a great thread... My husband cracked up when he read it... Kit:D

[mygirlsdad77]

Great, thanks for the laughs

[Kitkat22]

You crack me up... :D

[KBC]

Got any to add anyone?? the more the merrier!

[Just Dahlia]

Miter saw.. commonly used to saw your exact right angle easily in the opposite direction:rolleyes:

[Kitkat22]

Miter saw..commonly used to saw your exact right angle easily in the opposite direction:rolleyes:

I can't think of any tool that hasn't been mentioned. I do know once I borrowed a big bucket and put clorox and pine sol in and threw all my husbands tools in to clean them... Gosh they were so clean... He wasn't very happy and he didn't say too much. He put them in something to keep them from rusting and he didn't even yell. Just said, "Baby I don't bother your cooking stuff.. so just don't mess with my tools.

[Just Dahlia]

I can't think of any tool that hasn't been mentioned. I do know once I borrowed a big bucket and put clorox and pine sol in and threw all my husbands tools in to clean them...Gosh they were so clean....He wasn't very happy and he didn't say too much. He put them in something to keep them from rusting and he didn't even yell. Just said, "Baby I don't bother your cooking stuff..so just don't mess with my tools.

You must have been really bored or are a anal cleaner:)

[Kitkat22]

You must have been really bored or are a anal cleaner:)

I wanted to surprise him and I did! Used to be anal about the house... doesn't seem that important anymore... I do get bored.:D

[simoneaugie]

Thanks Ken.

I remember being dragged all over the place by the floor sander, whee! Those machines should come with a cautionary statement: Unsafe if used by those who weigh less than 200 pounds.

[KBC]

Thanks Ken.

I remember being dragged all over the place by the floor sander, whee! Those machines should come with a cautionary statement: Unsafe if used by those who weigh less than 200 pounds.

Mine wasn't the floor sander but the floor polisher.:( I went to help the church maintain the floors,, and learned the hard way about floor polishing and heavy power cords which seem to come from everywhere, and wrap around you like a snake from h*ll.:p

[Kitkat22]

Mine wasn't the floor sander but the floor polisher.:( I went to help the church maintain the floors,,,,,and learned the hard way about floor polishing and heavy power cords which seem to come from everywhere,,and wrap around you like a snake from h*ll.:p

Been there, done that... Let me picture you K... :D:D:eek: