[talaniman]

See Kyle, that's what we mean, if she is so conflicted within herself then, that's what causes confusion, and drama. And you will never know what she wants, or what she expects.

To clear this up, then you have to talk, and define clear boundaries, but she has asked for time, instead of wanting to talk. So I don't know if she will be ready for a lunch date, and take you back, doubt it, but that's your call.

Chasing after a confused female is impulsive actions in my book, because the fact is she needs time and distance to process what ever the heck is her issue.

[Homegirl 50]

people are kind of missing the cause of the break. she didn't call for a break because of the second time we were physical. she wanted a break because we planned a weekend getaway and she wasn't comfortable about the trip, mostly because we would be putting ourselves in a tempting situation.

i'm not sure if the relationship was moving too fast for her or that she felt the relationship was becoming too physical and she was conflicted with the direction the relationship was heading.

That puts a different light on it, but that is no reason to call a break. All she had to say was "I'm not ready for a weekend trip with you" I mean you have been together only 3 months. Maybe she thinks things were progressing too fast.
Talk to her and get a clearer understanding of what she meant

[jmjoseph]

people are kind of missing the cause of the break. she didnt call for a break because of the second time we were physical. she wanted a break because we planned a weekend getaway and she wasnt comfortable about the trip, mostly because we would be putting ourselves in a tempting situation.

i'm not sure if the relationship was moving too fast for her or that she felt the relationship was becoming too physical and she was conflicted with the direction the relationship was heading.

You have to ask yourself if she is the one that you want to marry. Do you love her enough to put up with this indecision?

If she is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then set boundaries, and keep to them. Both of you.

You have your work cut out for you.

I wouldn't want to be you right now. Mentally, and sexually frustrated. You are rowing a boat with a piece of rope. Upstream.

Good luck.

[KyleS28]

Here is a confusing question that I am currently experiencing. I have lost all emotional feelings towards this woman, but she has qualities that I am looking for. Where do I go from here? I know we could reignite the flame in the future if we started over. Do I suggest we start over? I would start over if she was willing to but I don't really have the passion to pursue her. Help.


Also, do I explain that I lost feelings for her or just go nc?

[talaniman]

I hope you have not let her confusion be yours also. Its what usually happens when we get confusion and intense feelings of frustration going through us at once.

You may even be in shock still wondering what the heck just happened to you.

Understandable. Just give her what she asks for, TIME, and go about what you should be doing which is your own thing while the dust settles and the brain comes back to reality.

Bet in a week or so, you will have a much better handle on your own feelings and can better cope with what you have been through.

You know, it helps an awful lot to have a good trusted friend around, to help you keep your feet on the ground.

[KyleS28]

Thanks to all of you whom answered my previous topic. I was thinking back a few years to a relationship I was in. the story is simple...

We were together for 8 months. I planned almost all of the dates and romantic ideas. One day she starts provoking me to argue with her. The arguing goes on for about a week. There really wasn't much arguing on my part but she was being overly disagreeable and she seemed to provoke me to argue. At the end of the week, she tells me that she lost romantic interest in me and she's not sure whether it will change in the future?

That was it for me. There really wasn't anything to say but nice knowing you. What was I supposed to do? Hang her upside down from a chandelier and stick a cucumber in her mouth?

She has remained single for almost two years now. We are still friends on myspace. I would hope she has matured since then.

The question I have is... do people regain romantic interest or once a person is ruled out, they are out? Once romantic interest is lost it can never be regained? Just trying to figure out whether it is even worth talking to this girl again? Right now, I'm not interested in her, but I can't say that I wouldn't be interested in her in the future. I should mention that I was 26, she was 22 at the time (now 28 and 24).

[talaniman]

No one knows how one day its peaches and honey, and the next day, it's a disaster. Most people learn the hard way not to look back, but to move forward. After the proper healing its possible to be civil, but the lessons of the past prevent romance from growing. While anything is possible, its not always likely that feelings return to where they were. Especially if the situations that cause a break up are still unresolved.

That's why the advice is always move on, not move back.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

I think people have trouble discriminating love from infatuation... from lust... from loyalty.. I could on and on. All those feelings can fade to nothing, but love never will.

Some people let their relationships live and die on temporary states of being. When all those feelings die away, you'll find out who really loves you.

So, off my soap box. My advice is not to look back. If she comes to you, maybe then consider giving her a second chance (and hopefully, she HAS grown up). But I don't see it working out in the end if you're the one to re-initiate things.

[KyleS28]

If you show a woman too much attention and she breaks up with you because she loses interest, after NC can/how do you win her back?

[talaniman]

If you have healed properly through NC, you don't want her back.

[KyleS28]

I don't want her back, she wants me back, I just want to give her the green light. :)

[talaniman]

Is this the virgin who needed a break??

[KyleS28]

No, the virgin and I had different issues.

Here is a hypothetical. If she breaks up with you, then dates someone else for a month and now is single again, would there be any chance in reuniting a relationship?

[talaniman]

Depends on the people, and circumstances.

Look, don't mean to be evasive, so quit beating around the bush, and get to your question, as you have posted about two different females here, and now you want hypothetical.

Sorry guy, doesn't work that way. Informations is what gets facts, and opinions, not hypothetical.

Plus I feel you are too soon from a relationship to even consider another so soon, as a proper healing takes time, and dating for fun would be better than jumping in a commitment just to heal old wounds. Further if the female has dumped you, has a date and comes running back to you, hell no would I welcome her with open arms.

She had her chance to communicate and work on things, but she chose a path that worked for her, not you, so she can keep it.


That's not hypothetical advise.

[Cat1864]

if you show a woman too much attention and she breaks up with you because she loses interest, after NC can/how do you win her back?

i don't want her back, she wants me back, i just want to give her the green light. :)

no, the virgin and i had different issues.

here is a hypothetical. if she breaks up with you, then dates someone else for a month and now is single again, would there be any chance in reuniting a relationship?

If I take these three posts at face value, I have to say that you are confused about what you want and who you want it with.

1. NC is for healing yourself. If you are confused about what/who you want then you haven't been using it correctly or long enough because you haven't fully healed.

2. Unless the problems that caused the break up have been dealt with, getting 'back' together with anyone after any length of time is asking for the same thing to happen again.

3. Healing is something that takes time and effort. It takes learning from the past what you don't want to repeat in the future. It takes letting go of anger and negative feelings so that they aren't piled up on the 'next' person. It takes putting away the memorabilia so that the new interest isn't being compared to a previous interest.

4. Trust and Communication are very basic needs in any relationship. It is very difficult to trust someone who isn't willing to communicate with you about the concerns and issues in the relationship. Both people have to be able and willing to talk and listen and work together to fix any problems. Walking away is a final solution when all else has failed. If it isn't the last thing, it becomes a trust issue of if/when will the person leave again.

[positiveparent]

i don't want her back, she wants me back, i just want to give her the green light. :)

Saying you want to give her the green light would indicate you're all for it, don't you mean give her the red light as in no go or stop.

Also if a girl has broken up with you or you her, then she's entitled to do as she wants with who she wants and likewise yourself, if you want to take her back knowing this then that's your choice but its also your responsibility to accept that you've made that choice, and to let it go.

As has been stated in previous posts, you have to heal and deal with any issues you have from past relationships before you should embark upon another one, its called getting rid of your baggage, if you're not over one person then its not fair to a new love interest for you to start another relationship.

Give yourself time, forget about relationships or romantic involvements for now, concentrate on making you the best person you can be for yourself, it'll help you have more success in any future relationships you enter into.

I don't think you can give a woman or anyone too much attention, unless you mean you're smothering them by being too full on too soon.

That's not so much attention as invading their space and that's not a good thing.

[elizaxfools]

If you don't want her back, then it looks like you just made your decision for yourself.

Don't be with someone for your own benefit and lead them on. That can usually scar women for quite a while.

That's how we end up with trust issues.

Go with the beat of your own drum.
You said you didn't want to be with her but she wants to be with you... just don't do it.

Sounds like a very painful situation and relationship to be in.

[KyleS28]

It's kind of like not being able to choose your parents. I don't want her back but she is the one for me so I want to give her the green light to come back. I'm not leading her on because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

[talaniman]

I don't want her back but she is the one for me so I want to give her the green light to come back.

I thoroughly don't understand, why don't you want her back, but she is the one for you. Please explain, or pass the joint!

[positiveparent]

Roflmao at talanimans post LOL I agree pass the joint all this confusion I feel I need to clear my head.