[Cat1864]

I am confused about my feelings right now

Keeping in touch with him in any way will only add to your confusion.

He called today. He will call next week. Will he keep calling every week 'to see if you are okay' until has finished schooling? What is the difference between that scenario and keeping the long distance relationship going? Only that you both are free to date other people.

What happens if he keeps up these calls for months and then finds someone and stops calling? The full hurt is only delayed. What happens if you find someone and your new boyfriend doesn't like him calling or he gets upset because you found someone who has taken what he stills thinks of as his place in your heart?

Jellyfish, I don't want to see you hurt any more or any longer than necessary. I don't want you to spend days, weeks, months, or years holding on to the next phone call just to have them stop and leave you hurting again.

It will hurt now and there will be tears, but better now than later after false hope adds its own pain into the mix.

[jellyfish1981]

Keeping in touch with him in any way will only add to your confusion.

He called today. He will call next week. Will he keep calling every week 'to see if you are okay' until has finished schooling? What is the difference between that scenario and keeping the long distance relationship going? Only that you both are free to date other people.

What happens if he keeps up these calls for months and then finds someone and stops calling? The full hurt is only delayed. What happens if you find someone and your new boyfriend doesn't like him calling or he gets upset because you found someone who has taken what he stills thinks of as his place in your heart?

Jellyfish, I don't want to see you hurt any more or any longer than necessary. I don't want you to spend days, weeks, months, or years holding on to the next phone call just to have them stop and leave you hurting again.

It will hurt now and there will be tears, but better now than later after false hope adds its own pain into the mix.

What you have written makes sense to me. But do I cut all contact altogether when he told me as well that he can't bear the thought of not seeing me or speaking to me ever again and that this is what's been scaring him the most. Should I give myself a time line of maybe talking to him every week for a month or so and when it slowly stops hurting as much as it is now then stop talking?

[Cat1864]

As much as it hurts both of you at this moment, I would say that you need to cut all ties at once instead of dragging it out. The only reason to give it time would be to keep up hope that the relationship isn't over.

IF the relationship has truly ended, let it go.

[jellyfish1981]

Hi everyone,

I took your advise and have cut off all ties with my ex. The breaking point for me came when he called and suggested that we call this a trial break up and in about four months or so we discuss the relationship again. When he said this I felt insulted that after 5 years he would need another 4 months to decide. Anyway, after that phone call something just changed for me and I have not contacted him in anyway and have made peace with the break up. In fact last week I met someone new. I really liked this guy and I don't want it to be a rebound so am taking things really slow and anyway its too early to say if anything would happen but knowing that there are other interesting people out there really helps :)

[talaniman]

Wow, I just love to hear happy endings and when people do find their own happiness.

[jellyfish1981]

Wow, I just love to hear happy endings and when people do find their own happiness.

Thank you. I realized that I did everything I could to try and make things work but they did not. I really could not have done anything more without losing my dignity. All my friends are surprised to see how well I have handled the break up. Its been more than 2 weeks since our last conversation and I have no desire to go back. In fact, now I am excited to see what the future holds.

[jellyfish1981]

Hi Everyone,

So I was single for a while and dated other people and was happy being by myself. Then four months back my ex came back in picture when he contacted me and begged me to give him another chance. I did so cautiously and now we are engaged and getting married in September. Don't know if agreeing to marry him was the right decision but at the moment I can't see it any other way. Please wish me luck :)

[redhed35]

I wish you well.

[Cat1864]

Did you work through the issues before getting back together?
Do you love him?
Are you happy?

Then may the two of you build a wonderful life together. :)

Keep the lines of communication open and do what you can to work together and you will be fine.

Good luck and Congratulations!