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Mina11 · May 12, 2010, 11:07 AM

Hi, I'm a 28 year old woman and still a virgin. I decided to wait due to my religious beliefs. Also when I was younger, I was scared about sex. When I was 21 I had this amazing boyfriend 6 years older and with love and patience, he helped me to overcome my fears, however the relationship ended before we could have sex. Then I realized that I really wanted sex, but again, my faith stopped me.
For the next years I was really proud of my decision. Now it’s exactly all the way around. I’m sick of that sh… that I’m going to burn in hell just, for what? For live my life? Come on! There are worst thing in the world. I’m a good person.

Now the problem is my age. I’m getting old, I really, really regret not losing my virginity when I have the chance 7 years ago. How could I be so idiot of wasting my life and my youth? In 15 year I’m going to be menopausal.

I’m intellectual, nice and beautiful (but not as stunning as I used to be), so there always be guys who want to be with me. The problem is that, for a while I was honest about my virginity, this makes they immediately started to look at me as a sort of challenge. I have feeling, for Christ sake! I’m not the pretty new girl to be taken. This really piss me off, so I leaned to keep my mouth shut.

I meet somebody on the web that seems to be good. He wants to come to meet me. I’ve made up my mind, if I have the chance I’ll take it. However I don’t want him to discover the true. I didn’t lie to him, I just said that I had little experience.
I don’t want to be seen as a weirdo, and of course be treated again like a challenge. I don’t care if he seems real, I don’t trust in anyone, and I know that nobody of my age is going to be as loving and patient as that boyfriend of my past was. Now I’m a 28 year old freak.
I think that may be I should have sex with one of those virgin guys on the web that wants to find somebody for sex. That way I won’t feel at disadvantage. Or Should I wait for this guy I like and hide him the true? But, what can I do to hide the true from him? What he would think if I bleed? I’m really afraid of be busted.

I really don’t know what to do.

Cat1864 · May 12, 2010, 11:42 AM

Using somebody for sex will not help you feel good about yourself. You are still young as far as age goes.

Something to keep in mind when you look at men your age, the man you almost gave your virginity to seven years ago was approximately the age you are now. Kind and caring men are out there. It is just a challenge to find the right one for you.

IF you like this guy and there is a good relationship going, be honest with him. Talk with him before you get anywhere close to having sex. Share your concerns and hopes. Listen to his. The last thing you want for your first time is a complete disaster because things get rushed or he feels used.

Quite frankly, if you can't talk to him about having sex and all that it entails including birth control and experience, then maybe you should wait for someone you can talk to and trust.

Synnen · May 12, 2010, 11:42 AM

How about waiting unti you're with someone who you actually care about enough to be honest with?

Having sex to have sex is EXTREMELY over-rated.

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2010, 11:53 AM

Yes, internet guy, most likely married, or talkig to a dozen other girls. No way to know.

And if you made the best of your life, education, work, friends, it is never wasted. Sex is highly over rated, merely to have sex, it is a wonderful way to fulfill a loving committed relationship, but if you have sex merely for sex, most likely your opinion of yourself, and self worth will go way down

artlady · May 12, 2010, 12:02 PM

Sex is good when two people truly connect on an emotional level.

If you want your first time to be with a stranger who will just *do the deed* to get it over with you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

He could be a psychopath and your first time could be your last.

Wait until you find a man you know who you can trust and he will not think less of you for being a virgin because he truly cares about you.

There is no stigma to being a virgin.It shows restraint and morality.Wear it proud.

Mina11 · May 12, 2010, 12:27 PM

Hi:

Wow! This was fast. Thanks a lot all of you.
Ok, I really like this guy that I meet on the web. We talk about many thing, everyday, sometimes on the phone other on msn. May be it's just that I don't want to be seen as a freak or something rare to get. I think that after being dissapointed many time in the past, I'm afraid of trusting again in anyone. I hate to feel like a baby besides everybody else. May be I should overcome my trust issues. It's just that I'm getting old and it hurts me to see my life fading away.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling emotional and stupid for speaking my mind this way. I really appreciate your answers.

artlady · May 12, 2010, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Mina11

Hi:

Wow! This was fast. Thanks a lot all of you.
Ok, I really like this guy that I meet on the web. We talk about many thing, everyday, sometimes on the phone other on msn. May be it's just that I don't wanna be seen as a freak or something rare to get. I think that after being dissapointed many time in the past, I'm afraid of trusting again in anyone. I hate to feel like a baby besides everybody else. May be I should overcome my trust issues. It's just that I'm getting old and it hurts me to see my life fading away.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling emotional and stupid for speaking my mind this way. I really appreciate your answers.

My dear,don't apologize for sharing your feelings.They are not stupid,they do have validity.

I am soon to be 56 so when you say you are getting old ,I have to laugh.
You are just getting started :)

Perhaps your peers are doing other things because they started too soon but I think you you are not a baby and you are right on track.
What works for one person is not always good for another.You may be a late bloomer but that does not make you a baby.

You may be naïve about love and that is why it is wise to take things slow and wait until you know and trust your own mind while being cautious.

I can see by your writing that you are smart.Take control of that and have pride in who you are and never allow anyone to do anything that does not feel right in your heart and I think you will be fine!

Cat1864 · May 12, 2010, 12:48 PM

It does sound like you have some serious trust issues. No wonder if you keep getting involved with men who act so immature. Though, I am wondering if you may have been mistaken in what some of them actually were thinking. After a couple of 'boys' it is easy to mistake the interest of a 'man' as looking for a 'conquest'.

Quite frankly, any man you get involved with should treat you as the woman you are. Virgin or not, you are special and unique. Welcome being unique for being the person you are-the total not just one number in the equation.

Trust yourself and your judgment. There is a reason you have waited and I don't think it is just religion or boys masquerading as men.

anteccomp · May 13, 2010, 03:05 PM

I think you will really regret having sex with a man just to lose your virginity. Wait until you find someone who you love and can be honest with and you will be so much happier. Finding the right person can seem really difficult but be patient and you will!

As a side note, I didn't disclose my virginity my first time and did it with someone I had only dated for a sort period. It was an awful and painful experience that I wish I could take back.

Homegirl 50 · May 13, 2010, 05:34 PM

You are not old and you are not weird.
There is a man out there for you, who sees the worth of a woman who has treasured her most precious possession.

If a guy makes you feel ashamed for being a virgin, he's not very bright and is certainly not the one for you.
When you lose your virginity it should be to someone you love and who loves you. This will only happen once, don't give it so little value. Let it be love and not just sex.

San78 · May 13, 2010, 11:39 PM

No sense in telling someone you're a virgin. My wife told me she was a virgin after we started fooling around. And yes I did see it as a challenge, but I was more nurturing because I cared about her.

Sex can be amazing with two people who really connect and enjoy each others time and company and want to be playful with each other, but it all comes down to how comfortable YOU are. Don't have sex just to do it. You'll be a nervous wreck, have high expectations and probably not be that fulfilled.

But if it's with someone (honestly even if you been around each other a few weeks) that you love to be around and they know what they are doing and push your buttons right (no pun intended) then you'll have more fun.

Riot · May 14, 2010, 05:01 AM

Even though there's a lot of emphasis on sex in today's society, where you make sure you "do it" before you get too old, remember it doesn't really make you 'take a step up' or make you more acceptable in society or whatever if you do end up doing it...

And once its been done there's no going back...

smoothy · May 14, 2010, 06:06 AM

You've waited this long... wait for the right person. You don't have to lie... just be honest and true to yourself.

With AIDS, Hepititus C, Herpes... not to mention pregnancy, you should be in no rush to get it over... just to get it over.

Mina11 · May 14, 2010, 09:16 AM

Thank all of you very much. I do feel better now. You gave a lot to think about, some things are going to take me a while, specially regarding trust.

Regards,

Cat1864 · May 14, 2010, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by Mina11

Thank all of you very much. I do feel better now. You gave a lot to think about, some things are going to take me a while, specially regarding trust.

Regards,

Good luck. :)

smoothy · May 14, 2010, 10:03 AM

One last thing...

Any "virgin" guy that hasn't been able to find a woman to sleep with him, has some real issues so remember that... and a few might pretend to be a virgin... to meat a virgin woman to take her virginity... trust me... there are guys that look at that as a challenge. To get the fruit that was denied to others.

Most WILL use the net to ply their trades because nobody will be there to call their bluff. I'd be extra hesitent and cautious with anyone you meet on the internet. I'm not a teen by any means... but I am very tech savey.

talaniman · May 14, 2010, 11:00 AM

It will be a whole lot better with someone you know well, love, and respect. May as well wait a bit longer till you have that person to share something special with.

Heck, what's the hurry, and be careful, Get some trust going first, and be sure they deserve it.

You will be glad you did.

Homegirl 50 · May 14, 2010, 04:26 PM

Your virginity is really not any guy's business anyway until after you two have established some kind of relationship. He may sense it after awhile anyway.

fisk · May 19, 2010, 01:07 AM

I agree with what everyone's said here, I'd just like to add that, you should try not to think about your virginity every time you meet a guy. I know what I'm talking about because for some time(thankfully I got over it) I would meet a guy and immediately start feeling bad, anxious about how he would take it when I would tell him I was a virgin. There's no poing wasting time thinking about it, because if the guy really cares about you, and after you two have some kind of special relationship, then telling him you're a virgin will not change things. At least it didn't for me. Let things come their way-don't force love. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Oh and, I don't think it's a good idea not to tell someone you're a virgin and sleep with them-they need to know so they'll take things slowly and be extra sweet:)

hheath541 · May 19, 2010, 02:13 AM

I agree with fisk. Once you find someone you have feelings for and are willing to take that step with, you're going to need to tell him that you're a virgin. You'll almost certainly be nervous and unsure of yourself your first time. He needs to be prepared for that. Also, any guy who cares about you will want to be sure that your first time is extra special.