[Larken85]

Should I make her pay for a hiking trip for me:) hiking seems to be the only thing that clears my mind lately. I want to go back to the islands where my father and I stayed a few days the summer before I met her. But this time I'd like to go alone, just be there by myself and think. Without the distraction of the sound of cars, a radio, people talking an influencing me to do this or that. Without all the problems today's normal society has. Just a nice, quiet, stay on an empty island.
How nice it was, how nice it'll be to be there alone. She said she was going to pay for it already, I doubt she will though. I do need some time to clear my head, after tonight's talk, I may just tell her I want to be alone for a few days. I just was alone, it was torture, but this one will be by my choice. I know she will call me like three hundred times. If I don't answer she will come over and figure out why I'm not answering. Too bad I won't be there.

She is going to hate me for this, but amicon, you are right. I need to get away for a bit. If not a break in the relationship a break from the relationship. I can take time to myself and enjoy being me for a few days and then decide what is best for my future.

[amicon]

Go for it-and go incommunicado-total radiosilence. :-)

[Larken85]

Like how you put that. It's a great idea and I am going to do it whether she likes it or not. I will spend the night with her tonight because we have been apart for over a week and we do miss each other, but starting Wednesday morning I am going on a hiadus from reality! I am not going to be found and my cell phone won't get service where I am going anyway hehe.

God I hate what I am pretty sure is about to happen. I just don't want to lose her. I keep remembering the good feeling I get from her half the time. Its so powerful. The bad feelings are just as powerful though... I already feel kind of lonely, I am getting that sinking feeling just knowing what is about to happen...

[Larken85]

On top of that the ring was so expensive! I'm not going to get it back either, her grandmother's ring helped pay for it slightly... I worked mty @$$ off for that thing!

[amicon]

Look forward to your break,and live in the moment.

As for rings,I don't know what the law says where you are;where I come from,legally it should be given back.

[Larken85]

Legally it should be, yes. However I will not make her give it back. I mean her grandfather smithed the ring she traded in for it. He put his heart and soul into that ring and I regret ever having traded it in at all. I would never make her give whatever piece she still has of them up. Even if it did cost me $2,100.00 USDA. You have no clue how much overtime that was, to pay it off in three months... Crazy. But even if things do end, I don't regret buying that for her, I will always love her and think that she deserves the best out of life.

[amicon]

She may,but so do you,don't you think?

[J_9]

Man kids can cause a lot of hassel.

Not if you are in a REAL relationship.

But on a different note she likes to hold the kids over my head too.

red flag #1

I hate that she uses them as a weapon.

red flag #2

Everytime we get really bad she pulls me back in knowing that the thing I want most (aside from a loving wife) is a family.

red flag #3

She knows that she can use them to get to me.

red flag #4

Do I need to go on?

We are in a constent battle back and forth with a few neurtral moments in between.

Is this what you want the rest of your life to be like? A constant battle? Well, it's going to be. Children should NEVER be used as pawns in relationships. Think of the damage that is being done to these children by using them to keep your relationship afloat. It's not a healthy environment for them.

It's very hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who is bipolar. Take into consideration your depression, that makes having a healthy relationship with a bipolar individual nearly impossible.You are only 24 years old Joe, you still have many years to find love and someone who will love you for who you are, not how much you make. She's milking from not only you, but the government as well. I don't have much respect for someone who is getting money from the government when they can get off their butts and get a job.

[Larken85]

I totally agree with you about her getting a job. She isn't really milking the government though, she is granted that money for the kids' dissabilities. Not to mention childsupport. I think she gets way too much for childsupport, but it is what it is on that one. Their dad makes plenty to pay for it.

But yes, I have to say it is time for a big change. If she can't change with me then she is going to be left behind. I need to move forward with my life and for the last year and a half all I have been doing is sitting still. I take one step forward and ten steps back because of her. I can blame her too, though I too am to blame as the choices I have made have been excedeingly stupid and insane.

I'm just glad I am back in my home town so that when things do go south I have security. I am not going to be left out somewhere where I don't know anyone.

[talaniman]

Your solution is very simple, you keep your money in your pocket, live in your own place, and give her nothing until she can at least be committed, and can live within her means.

Who cares if she gets mad. There just ain't that much love in the world to have to go through this BS. Pay for your own retreat, and enjoy it. Guys are always going fishing to breathe the air, and get away from the stress.

I see no reason a single guy like yourself should be stuck on a female that thinks she can use you any way she wants too. You don't have to stand up to here, so much as you stand for yourself.

[J_9]

Darlin' she is milking the government if she is getting money when she is able to work. The problem here is that she's not WILLING to work. It's easier to get free money than get up and go to work 40 hours a week.

Joe, if you don't know me by now, you soon will. I call 'em as I see 'em. I'm not one to sugar coat anything. Even with my patients.

She is using the government to get money so she doesn't have to get off her duff. She is using you to fill in where the government doesn't give her as much as she needs to get by.

You are her sugar daddy. She knows how to push your buttons by using the children against you. She is your superior (in years). She is a leech. She leeches off the government, she leeches off you, and she leeches off her ex with child support. What better life could any person want?

Whenever you grow balls and try to be independent with your life and/or your money, she uses her children to make you feel guilty. You pay her rent, yet you don't live there, heck, you aren't even on the lease!

It's time to grow a backbone dude! Face it, you are p-whipped. She can open her legs and you will give her whatever her heart desires even if it puts your health in jeopardy.

You are #1, you need to look out for you. Sure, you bought her this expensive ring, but does she appreciate it? Nah, she's just there to control you and get you to do her bidding.

Grow a backbone... grow some balls and tell her that you can't keep being her sugar daddy. She's going to have to pay her own rent, you don't owe her anything, you aren't the father of her children... THANK GOD!

I'm starting to wonder if she's actually compliant with her meds.

[Larken85]

Tal, I know. I know bud. I'm going to try. I will stand up for me. And I will make sure she knows I am in control of me and my money. I was kidding about her paying for the hiking trip. I just don't know if I am ready to give up on her you know.

[J_9]

I just don't know if I am ready to give up on her ya know.

Then tell us why you want to stay in such a toxic relationship.

[Larken85]

She does take her meds religiously. She isn't dumb, she knows what would happen to her if she didn't take them. She knows what would happen to everyone around her. Without her medication, she is so enraged all the time that she is super violent, or super sad. Those are her only two moods in full on bi-polar mode.

I am p-whipped but not by the p itself. I am p-whipped by tenderness. I do not enjoy sex nearly as much as I enjoy a good long cuddle. (this is why she will only cuddle sometimes. Not because she doesn't like it, but because I really only want that and she can use it. If she is cold, then I am not as happy as usual.)

[Larken85]

j9, I just want to keep her. The person she is rocks, but the person she is to me is not that awesome at times. To people she doesn't know, she is the nicest person you will ever meet. Matter of fact if you met her without having met me first, and then heard what I had to say, you'd never for a second think we were talking about the same person.

[hungtoronto]

j9, I just wanna keep her. the person she is rocks, but the person she is to me is not that awesome at times. To people she doesn't know, she is the nicest person you will ever meet. Matter of fact if you met her without having met me first, and then heard what I had to say, you'd never for a second think we were talking about the same person.

There are lots of nice wonderful people out there but whether they are right for you is another question. I came out of a relationship with a woman with kids recently. The problem doesn't just end there with the finances, there will be other problems that you will face (i.e, kids, her ex). Be glad that you couldn't move in just yet because potentially it could cost you more in the long run. My situation wasn't as bad as yours but I was able to see the redflags and ended it early. You've been with her for two years so I can see it's a little hard to absorb all the advices that we are giving you. Too much has been invested but the sooner you can get out and cut your losses the happier you will be. Just my 2 cents.

[Larken85]

You are all probably right. I have this gut wrenching feeling though that I may be making the biggest mistake of my life by leaving her (if I do that is.) I just don't know the future and I don't want to miss out if she is the one you know. If there even is a such thing as "the one". I just don't know, I got to take some time to myself. I should leave today but I will wait till tomorrow. Anyway I got to sleep, I'm super tired. I'll be back later to see what everyone has said.


By the way, thank you all so much for your input. I can tell that you care for sure.

[talaniman]

You are a romantic at heart, but much too needy in that you put up with a lot to get so little. But you will tire of being kicked in your arse repeatedly by a more experienced conniver. You're an easy target for such people. She probably loves you a lot, but her needs and wants come first, and in cash.

You want love? Love yourself.

[slapshot_oi]

. . . but the person she is to me is not that awesome at times. To people she doesn't know, she is the nicest person you will ever meet.

Shouldn't that be the other way around?

If she was the one, she'd treat you as such.

[talaniman]

Most relationships that last, are all about being able to put up with the worst we find in our partners, because any one can enjoy the good. Real life involves both.

Act like a man, and people have no choice but to treat you like one. And your finding out an important fact of life, EXPERIENCE counts, that's why she can stay a step and a half ahead of you emotionally, and mentally. That's why she tells you what to do with your money, where you live, and how much work you have to do. Age may not be nothing but a number, but experience is everything. You are out gunned.

I just think once you man up and stand for yourself, your life will get better. With, or without her. She is who she is! Who are YOU?