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amicon · Apr 7, 2010, 02:38 AM

Scouts honour-good thinking.
(speaking of scouts-listen to Scouting for Girls latest-says it all.. . )

Keep well and take good care of yourself.

sully123 · Apr 7, 2010, 02:54 AM

Louise, and keep his name out of your volcabulary. He is in the past. One day you will say to yourself, why did I every even give him the time of the day. The day will come, just continue on the path you are going.

louiseismyname · Apr 7, 2010, 03:26 AM

Thanks to you both - sully I hope that day comes soon as my heart is breaking even though I know it's the right thing to do (staying away from him). If it is the right thing then why do I feel this pain, hurt and betrayl? I won't contact him again I promise but I can't understand why if its such a bad thing to be his friend does it hurt so much

amicon · Apr 7, 2010, 03:57 AM

The thing is,you can make your mind up to not allow yourself to feel this pain anylonger.

So long as you keep going over the hurt and the pain,you become the victim of that agony.

Make a conscious choice to not stay stuck in that mentality.

louiseismyname · Apr 7, 2010, 04:38 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

The thing is,you can make your mind up to not allow yourself to feel this pain anylonger.

So long as you keep going over the hurt and the pain,you become the victim of that agony.

Make a conscious choice to not stay stuck in that mentality.

Your right ami (as always :p:p), from today the hurt and pain he has put me through will go, I'm keeping myself busy and trying not to wonder what he is doing or where he is but its hard. Il get there, I just need a kick up the backside every now and then from you guys ;);)

Im not going to be a victim any longer, I'm getting on with life as we only have one shot - thanks ami you're the best xx

amicon · Apr 7, 2010, 05:15 AM

Thanks for the vote of confidence-:-)-come here when you need to,but I trust you are moving on now!

louiseismyname · Apr 7, 2010, 05:26 AM

Oh yes I'm moving on from him and his mind games, but il stick around to give my help and advice on others problems. I like to think I've been through the mill and can offer some helpful advice as others have helped me xx

sully123 · Apr 7, 2010, 01:09 PM

Just remember you are a better person that him! Remind yourself, of what that man has put you through. The abuse and cheat he is. I shouldn't even call him a man, he doesn't even deserve that title.

bloooooper7 · Apr 7, 2010, 01:34 PM

Wow louise I just read the whole thing. You should be really proud you got through all of that. Gj :). Gives me a lot of hope.

louiseismyname · Apr 7, 2010, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

Just rememer you are a better person that him! Remind yourself, of what that man has put you through. The abuse and cheat he is. I shouldn't even call him a man, he doesn't even deserve that title.

Thanks Sully, I know that I'm a better person than him and that's what keeps me going. I just hope I can help others on here like everyone has so kindly helped me. Il never forget the kindness you have all shown xxx

louiseismyname · Apr 7, 2010, 02:09 PM

Originally Posted by bloooooper7

Wow louise i just read the whole thing. You should be really proud you got through all of that. Gj :). Gives me a lot of hope.

I'm glad my story shows that you are not alone, just keep NC and you will heal a lot faster then keep going back to the ex. She will think that she can play mind games with you if you keep going back for more BS. Please feel free to vent on here xx

vanheart · Apr 7, 2010, 05:07 PM

Hey, you split up 2 years ago. Probably a godsend.

"My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with."

"his actions just dont match his words"

Why are you still even thinking about him? Let alone conversing.

Get on with things. Geez.

Girl-with-Story · Apr 8, 2010, 01:13 PM

Hi Louise,

I hope this is not too harsh and I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I just read your entire post from the beginning and I must tell you, it was absolute torture to read. I'm going through the same thing with someone who has not done to me half the things this jerk has done to you and I refuse to give my ex another chance. Loving him is completely irrelevant.

You keep asking how can he do this to you and why, and the answer is simple, he does this because he gets a reaction out of you, Every time! And any reaction from you, be it positive or negative, equals attention towards him and a huge ego boost! And he will continue seeking a reaction from you and will not stop as long as you CONTINUE TO REACT (i.e. reply to his texts/calls). The only thing you are good for in his eyes is an ego boost (I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh).

You are like an elastic band. He keeps the tension by contacting you and releases it by ignoring you so that YOU START TRYING TO PULL HIM TOWARDS YOU. He knows exactly what he's doing and the effect he has on you and he just sits back, ignores you and watches you feed his ego by feeling hurt and reacting to him. This is incredibly satisfying to him and that's why he keeps doing it, not because he loves you (he only loves himself).

The only way to break him and break this sick cycle is to act as if he was dead, as if he does not exist. How do you interact with a deceased person? YOU DON'T! EVER!

Please do not let this jerk have any effect on you whatsoever. Repeat after me 'I do not love this low life!' And remember, the opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE. Fake it until you make it. Fake indifference until you feel nothing but indifference towards him.

I wish you the best of luck!

louiseismyname · Apr 8, 2010, 03:22 PM

Girl with a story - many thanks for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate however harsh the response. Im in a better place at the moment and have cut all contact with him and don't care if I ever see him again. It hurts me that he calls me all the names under the sun e.g. slag, whore etc after he says he loves me but I'm trying to get past that hurt. I keep remembering that he can only hurt me if I let him!!

His opinion of me isn't relevant anymore like it once was, one of the last things we said to each other via text was this... I said to him "you dont passionatly love me do you"? And he replied "no I dont but I do love you"!! I don't know what was meant by that. One day he loves me and the next day he treats or should I say treated me like dirt e.g ignoring my texts and calls and slagging me off verbally.

I used to ask him why he would say such cruel things that are not true and he knows that they are not true and his answer was that he is stupid and says stupid things at times?? He may say stupid things but things like calling me a slag and a whore and telling my boyfriend that if he goes near me then he will need to go to an sti clinic ASAP is so cruel and upsetting.

vanheart · Apr 8, 2010, 03:26 PM

He is no longer your problem.

He can call whoever names. Who really cares?

"have cut all contact with him and dont care if I ever see him again"

Thatta girl!

louiseismyname · Apr 8, 2010, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

He is no longer your problem.

He can call whoever names. Who really cares?

"have cut all contact with him and dont care if I ever see him again"

Thatta girl!!

I didn't think that id ever have the strength to do it but I did it!! :p:p:p

I really don't care if I don't ever hear from him again, even if he does call il never answer or reply. He says he still loves me but my love for him is getting less and less by the day

vanheart · Apr 8, 2010, 03:31 PM

That isn't love.

louiseismyname · Apr 8, 2010, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

That aint love.

Your right, and then I used to think omg he didn't love me and it was all mind games and then I go tumbling back down and have to start from square one, I'm a little stronger now and I'm glad a person like that isn't attracted to me :):)

vanheart · Apr 8, 2010, 03:47 PM

"im glad a person like that isnt attracted to me"

Now you can make room in your life for the good ones...

louiseismyname · Apr 9, 2010, 03:15 AM

I never thought that id get back to that place where I was happy without him, but if I can do it then anyone can do it!!

Its like I feel free and don't have to worry if the next text or call is going to be a nasty or a nice one, I'm happy with a lovely guy and life couldn't be any better at the moment. Im looking forward to finishing my course in June and starting a new direction in my life in September.

I thought I was so having a bad time of it, then I looked around around and so all those people around me that are ill and have far more to worry about than I do. Im really glad I had my wake up call so I can start living my life again and not pondering on his every action xx