[BWK10]

I've done that already

[Wondergirl]

ive done that already

Then why are you still asking about it here?

What happened in counseling?

[Wondergirl]

ive done that already

I want to help. Please allow me to.

[BWK10]

Nothing really happened, the counseling was more about my last relationship and how it ended. It really crushed me, I met this new girl... shes fantastic but I feel she's too good for me, I don't know what she sees in me. I feel like she will find someone better than me, or realise I'm a waste of time

[Wondergirl]

Nothing really happened, the counseling was more about my last relationship and how it ended. It really crushed me, I met this new girl...shes fantastic but I feel shes too good for me, I don't know what she sees in me. I feel like she will find someone better than me, or realise I'm a waste of time

The counseling has ended? Would you go back to explore your unwillingness to take emotional risks?

[Wondergirl]

I don't know what she sees in me.

What's good about you?

[BWK10]

A comment I read a few days ago on here, really made me happy I found these boards, it was said along the lines of,

"Whenever your having troubles, you can always come here. We'll be here to talk, help you through your issues...always"

That really made me smile, I still read these forums every couple of days now, maybe even everyday. It's interesting to see what people are going through, only a minimal percentage of people in the world... but being able to relate to other people who take the time to write about their issues, and the overwhelming of great responses has me coming back for more.

Which brings me back, to discuss something else that I feel I need to talk about. If anybody read my posts a few months ago, breaking up with my first true love.. you know I took it pretty bad. Needless to say, I'm still healing... but way better off than I was months ago. I haven't talked or heard from her since the middle of February and haven't seen her in person either, which has really helped me with that. But, that brings me to my next problem. I met someone, someone that... I think I have already ruined my chances with her.

We met online, the second time I've met someone online and started dating. We talked, about a lot of things... she knew about my ex who I had just broke up with a month prior, my situation and emotional state. However, she was adamant into making things work, which I didn't mind... I do genuinely like her, a lot. We met, things clicked and we started dating about a month ago. We have fun together, laugh... had great dates... she worked with my Mom for a few years, they already knew each other and they loved one another. Her parents liked me... it's a good situation... until I decided to bring out the "L" word.

A friend of mine today, told me about how she has been talking to him. About our situation, how I said that I loved her after a week (I did, probably not the smartest of idea's), just... personal stuff that I wish she talked to me about... not my friend. Today, talking she said she was having thoughts about her feelings.. I asked "About me?"... she said "No" and she left it at that. At that time, afterwords is when my friend started telling me about the things she had said to him.

This leading me to believe, things are going to come crashing down really soon. Per say, I think she's going to breakup with me. I can say, I really do love her... I know what love feels like, and from what she says to me.. she loves me too. She says she gets butterfly's when she sees me, stuff like that. I know she could be saying it to shield my feelings so I don't get hurt. I don't know what to think. I move too quickly, and it seems to be the downfall of my relationships... at least this one.

We have been through quite a lot together in just a months time, we had a pregnancy scare... YESTERDAY. She came over at 8 am, telling me she thought she was pregnant. We went back to her place, she cried... I was shaking, neither of us ready for this. I'm 21, she's 18. We had an "accident" when having sex about a week ago... the condom came off, neither of us knew for how long or when. Pretty sure I wasn't inside her but I insisted on being safe and bought "Plan B". So, yesterday she told me she had been sick in the morning for a few days, vomiting... other classic signs of being pregnant. We went, bought a test... took it and she wasn't. The relief on both our faces, she grabbed me instantly... hugged me and kissed me and said she loved me. Before I even knew about this... she texted me at 7:30am that morning saying "We need to talk"... we all know that's never a good sign.

Instantly I thought she was going to break it off then, I texted her back. "Can you just tell me?"... "I'm not breaking up with you...I love you too much"


I just don't know what to think right now, or even what to do. I figure, give her space... let her think. It's all I can really do. This morning she was talking like everything was okay... then suddenly she has these thoughts about her "feelings". I texted her after my friend and I talked... saying "its about me, isn't it?" and haven't had a response since. Which is fair, I'll leave her be and let her have the space she needs to think about this. I just don't know what to do.


Just a bit of an update... we just talked and she told me once again that her "problem with her feelings" have nothing to do with me... and she says we are fine. I have a hard time believing that.

[talaniman]

Your threads have been merged so as not to confuse us, so keep all your posts about the same subject here and just post updates and give input to the advice and questions you receive. No need for new threads about the same thing.

As to your latest post, hold your head up, and see that not only do you fall fast for another female, but you don't cope very well to the stress of a relationship. You have no confidence man, and that's what you need. That's what gets us through tough times, and even rejection. Just having the attitude of everything will be alright no matter what life throws at you makes things a lot better and maybe you won't get so carried away by your gloom and doom attitude and see things differently. That's what confidence does, makes you see things differently, and you know what you have to do to stay confident.

Jumping from female to female is not confidence, its merely replacing what you lost with another face, and body. The pregnancy scare was a fair warning that you move to fast, and are so carried away by your feelings of loss from the ex, and just want someone else to make you feel better about yourself.

If your not happy with who you are, and what you are, then change it, and be that happy person who has something good to share with another. Now you're all in love with a new female, who maybe doesn't understand you but sure as hell will go as fast as you want. But trust me, that pregnancy scared her into thinking with her head and not her feelings and things will change, they have to, or there will be more scares and some hurt feelings.

How about talking more, and screwing less, since neither of you seems to be ready for the consequences of having sex, and neither is in love. Its lust for sure, and when it wears off, you will see what's left.

Most mature people who have feelings, talk to make sure they establish some boundaries through communications, to deal with these very real issues, others who act on impulse and feelings have kids that ruin a relationship, and the future of themselves, and the kids that "just happen".

Think dude before you get into something you should have seen coming, and done the right thing about it. I bet your counselor already told you to stay out of relationships until you have healed and dealt with your issues and gotten some degree of confidence through accomplishing goals of your own, and have a healthy dignity, and self respect for yourself. If they didn't tell you this, then I am now.

[BWK10]

I agree with you saying, I need more confidence. I think if there is any major flaw in who I am... it's the lack of confidence in myself. And confidence is something which does make or break who somebody is. I think I have more confidence in myself then I did say, a few months ago... I did learn things about myself, who I am, where I am going.

And, in saying I am jumping from female to female couldn't be further from the truth. I don't believe in meaningless relationships or sex. There has to be a purpose to everything sexual to me... that's why I was a virgin until last year. She is only the second girl I've ever had sex with.

Perhaps we do need to have sex less, and talk more. In fact, I agree with that. I'm never the one to initiate sex, I know that might sound absurd... but she always engages in it. Perhaps I need to tell her "No".

As for my counselor, I stopped seeing her after two sessions. Probably the biggest mistake I made, I felt after talking the two times I didn't need the help anymore. I think all my trust issues, worrying relates back to my parents divorce. It seems anyone who comes into my life... eventually leaves, so I try and protect myself rather then putting my guard down and allowing myself to be fully happy with someone.

This girl, is remarkable... she makes me feel incredible. We got through that little scare together, and I think it could make our relationship stronger rather than hurt it. I think it will depend on how things go... we just talked, just about nothing in particular for an hour... just talked. I think this will cause us to be more careful, but like you said... put boundaries on our relationship.

As for myself... I think getting more self confidence would be so much more beneficial to myself... I just can't seem to get any. I'm not lazy, I have a great work ethic... and I'm a nice person, almost too nice to a degree. I don't know where to go from here... as of now... my girlfriend and I still are going on our date tomorrow night.

[Wondergirl]

As for my counselor, I stopped seeing her after two sessions. Probably the biggest mistake I made, I felt after talking the two times I didn't need the help anymore. I think all my trust issues, worrying relates back to my parents divorce. It seems anyone who comes into my life...eventually leaves, so I try and protect myself rather then putting my guard down and allowing myself to be fully happy with someone.

Can you hook back up with this counselor to dig into your abandonment and trust baggage?

[BWK10]

I could yes... but my mind is now more on my current girlfriend then that right now. I want to make sure honestly everything is okay with us like she says.

[Wondergirl]

I could yes...but my mind is now more on my current girlfriend then that right now. I want to make sure honestly everything is okay with us like she says.

You're putting the cart before the horse. And there's no room in your life for both of them?

[BWK10]

There definitely is, I'll look into it right away. It would be good to talk again.

[Wondergirl]

There definitely is, I'll look into it right away. It would be good to talk again.

Otherwise, you're going to be sitting in my office and talking with ME.

[BWK10]

Hehe. Wouldn't complain. But, what should I do with this situation. My girlfriend says everything is fine... believe it?

[Wondergirl]

Hehe. Wouldn't complain. But, what should I do with this situation. My girlfriend says everything is fine...believe it?

"Fine" is a loaded word with shades of meaning. Being together and just talking (no sex) will tell you a lot. (May I come along and sit in the back seat? I'll be quiet.)

[BWK10]

I made sure I confirmed it with her, she has had trouble with her feelings lately, she is adement it has nothing to do with me, I can't not believe her and hound her about the situation. I ask, because I tend to over think things, and it consumes me. The fact I have to go to work tonight, and wonder if the end is near between us will make my work, and brain suffer. I'm sure Ill be glued to my cellphone for texts.

[Wondergirl]

I made sure I confirmed it with her, she has had trouble with her feelings lately, she is adement it has nothing to do with me, i can't not believe her and hound her about the situation. I ask, because I tend to over think things, and it consumes me. The fact I have to go to work tonight, and wonder if the end is near between us will make my work, and brain suffer. I'm sure Ill be glued to my cellphone for texts.

Sounds like you're your own worst enemy...

Can you tell yourself some other story? Maybe mentally clean my house before Sunday when my mother-in-law comes over.

[Showme_urmove]

BWK10, a good friend of mine always tells me "Dont waste your energy focusing on things you can't control, but use that energy to focus on things you can control" the feelings she has you have no control on it, but you can control yours, and what you need to do is be the best man you can for her. Don't smother her with your insecurity cause that would only push her away. If she wants to talk about her feelings, don't say is it about us I don't want us to break up. All your trying to do is make her feel bad and hold back on her feelings. Wondergirl and tal are right, you need to focus on YOU. How can you have a healthy relationship if you can't even have a healthy relationship with yourself. Work on yourself whatever it is you need to work on, before you work on a relationship. How can you expect to help her if you can't even help yourself Emotion wise.
Please talk to your counselor again, and really address everything that's been going on with your life, Not with your recent break up,but with your dad leaving. The sooner you fix your past the sooner you can face the future.

[BWK10]

I just wanted to take a minute to personally say, from the bottom of my heart to everyone who reads/posts regularly on this website that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the help, guidance and advice I have received since I stumbled upon this website four months ago.

You helped me through my first real breakup, and helped me back to my feet... and I have now found a truly amazing, beautiful, intelligent and fantastic partner. Today was my 21st birthday, she came to dinner with my family and I... and came back and watched a movie. She looked at me a way I have never been looked at before, and she told me she was truly happy and has never been this happy before... it made my heart melt. I'm finally happy.

Anybody reading this, who is going through a hard time... it gets better over time, trust me. You WILL find somebody, the girl I am with now.. may not be who I spend my life with, but I could see myself with her years down the road. Keep your heads up, listen to people on here... they have been through it before and makes it a lot easier.

Sincerely, A happy, happy guy! :D